Suitable punishment for lying for 11yo dd?

[tenlittlecygnets]

Just caught dd out in a lie. She had ample chances to confess and tell me she'd lied. Instead she chose not to - she felt she couldn't back down.

Her lie involved hurting a friend so I want to make her punishment commensurate - e.g. doing something good for someone or volunteeing. She has written an apology letter to friend and will apologise tomorrow. What do you suggest?

What did the lie specifically involve? Eg if it was a bit of bullying could she donate x amount of weeks pocket money to a charity that deals with bullying?

I think an apology is enough.

The reality is that she's a child, she's still a work in progress and she's still learning how to manage herself and how she can and can't behave. She's had the mortification of being caught out in a lie, she'll likely remember this forever, and really, most people have told a lie every now and then, adults included. It sounds like overkill to add punishment.

Hard to say without knowing but like the idea of volunteering-easier said than done though...

I also think the letter is enough - this time.
You need to be clear with her that if it happens again, you will take it more seriously.

I also think the letter is enough - this time.
You need to be clear with her that if it happens again, you will take it more seriously.

Ok, thanks. Would you ground her/take away phone?

I want something that will make her think.

Yes, bullying. Horrified at her lack of compassion and thought. She knew how upset I was all weekend about it and she lied to my face time and time again. That’s what i’m Really upset about.

Removing her phone for a week will really send a strong message. If the bullying was via her phone I'd remove it for a month!

No, I check her phone regularly and her online behaviour is fine. Was face to face.

Ok, so bullying and lack of compassion change it a little. I think something like a pay-it-forward from her own money would help. Removing her phone doesn’t actually teach her much about others or kindness, and so I’d try and find some way for her to help someone else.

Any suggestions, Fudge?

Any suggestions, Fudge?

I'd still go for the removal/donation of pocket money if she gets any or doing odd jobs to earn money to donate to charity. Maybe even having to do a fundraiser at school (assuming she's in year 7) to raise funds. But I'm quite harsh and have no tolerance for bullying and lying