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Original poster

Secondary school dilemma-what would you do?

27 replies

Scion123 · 10/06/2019 11:22

We’ll be applying in September.

Option 1-local secondary, 1300 pupils. Gets good academic results. Has a bad reputation for not dealing effectively with bullying. Lots of stories of children having to move schools because of it. The majority of DS’s friends will be going here and he knows the school well.

Option 2-rural secondary,600 pupils, half an hour bus ride away. Good reputation in pastoral care and good academic results. DS won’t know anyone there.

Ultimately it will be DS’s decision and he’s dead set on going to our local. I also don’t want to put him off it by telling him that bullying is a bit of an issue there but I’m just wondering what others would do or have done in a similar situation.

OP posts:
ThePhoenixRises · 10/06/2019 11:24

Option 2

MissClareRemembers · 10/06/2019 11:26

Hmmm...where are you getting the info about the bullying etc? Look at the school’s anti bullying policy and maybe non-confidential Governor minutes.

Soola · 10/06/2019 11:28

Option 1. Distance was an important factor to me. However if you think your child would get bullied then choose the rural school.

tisonlymeagain · 10/06/2019 11:28

I essentially had the same decision to make with my DC. In this situation, I chose Option 2 and have never looked back. It was absolutely the right decision, and despite not knowing anyone, they have thrived.

Original poster
Scion123 · 10/06/2019 11:30

MissClareRemembers word of mouth. Work colleague, neighbour, hairdresser. All had children who were bullied there. Now this is a large school for proportionally it might not actually be that bad.

My worry about option 2 is how DS will cope with the transition knowing no one there and being separated from his friends. I’m also concerned that he’ll feel isolated as it’s 30 minutes away so his new friends wouldn’t be local.

OP posts:
ThePhoenixRises · 10/06/2019 11:33

Sorry OP I read your opening post wrong, if DC wants to go to option 1, then that would be the choice.

I read it as he was dead set against going to option 1

bibbidybob · 10/06/2019 11:34

Find out how the school deals with the bullying. We had a similar choice and went for option 1. We've had 4 children there over the years and there have been a few incidents, but the school dealt quickly and efficiently with any problems.

BenWillbondsPants · 10/06/2019 11:38

We went for Option 1 with trepidation. We also agreed that at the first sign of any problems we would move DS. He's been there almost two years now and is absolutely thriving - any (smallish) issues have been nipped in the bud by school and I'm really happy with the decision.

averythinline · 10/06/2019 11:40

I would go for option 1
just because other children have been bullied doesnt mean your DS will be ...

Original poster
Scion123 · 10/06/2019 11:41

It’s really difficult isn’t it. As his mum I just want to protect him. I worry he’ll be an easy target-he’s just a nice, easy going lad.

I think he’d be upset if we separated him from all his friends though and I understand what secondary’s like, within a few months you’ve formed new groups but he would just see the immediate stress of starting secondary with no one.

I also think it’s nice to have your friends in the same town as you.

I want him to go to the smaller one though. I suppose it’s always there as a back up if things really don’t go well for him.

OP posts:
Foxyloxy1plus1 · 10/06/2019 11:42

Go and visit the schools. Look at their policies, particularly on safeguarding, anti bullying and behaviour. Get a feel for the schools and notice the interaction between staff and students.

The word of mouth thing is from people who have had an issue with the school. But you don’t know the circumstances except for what you’ve been told by people who have a grievance.

It’s easier for after school activities if the school is nearby. I wouldn’t be so concerned about the friends. They make friends with people they didn’t know before quite quickly.

Original poster
Scion123 · 10/06/2019 11:42

BenWillbondsPants thankyou, that’s reassuring.

OP posts:
feelingsinister · 10/06/2019 11:43

Firstly, it really shouldn't be your son's decision. Yes he should have a say but he's a kid and you're the grown up so you have the final say.

The second school sounds really nice but actually I'd do a bit more digging about school one in your situation.

I do think living near your friends is important and being 30 minutes away from everyone else is going to make it more difficult for him to build friendships.

BiscuitDrama · 10/06/2019 11:43

Have you looked at inspection reports for both? There’s sometimes additional evidence which is the questionnaire they are the pupils. One of the questions is ‘how well does the school deal with bullying?’ which might help you get a rounded picture.

Do you get open days for both? Can you ask a few pupils about bullying? And also get a general feel for the place.

PatriciaHolm · 10/06/2019 11:44

Realistically, are you likely to get into the further away one?

randomsabreuse · 10/06/2019 11:44

Check subjects offered by school 2 - might well be limited as small school.

BlueMerchant · 10/06/2019 11:45

Difficult enough transitioning to 'big' school. Keep him with his support group of local friends. If it's not for him you have a good one in option B.

MyDcAreMarvel · 10/06/2019 11:46

Option 2 , I don’t see the dilemma at all. An 11 year old should not be picking their school, that’s a parent’s job.

Original poster
Scion123 · 10/06/2019 11:47

Ofsted reports for both are good. No mention of a bullying problem.

We’ve got open days coming up for both soon.

Friendships are very important as DS is an only child.

It’s true that me might not even get into the second of we did apply.

OP posts:
MyDcAreMarvel · 10/06/2019 11:47

30 mins is not far away either that’s local. My dd travels for 50 mins that’s the norm here for a decent school.

Villanellesproudmum · 10/06/2019 11:48

Did you and your son go to the open days. Option 2 would be my choice, my daughter didn’t know anyone at her school an hour away but it wasn’t an issue after the first week.

Villanellesproudmum · 10/06/2019 11:49

Crossed posts, maybe decide after the open days.

flowery · 10/06/2019 11:51

Remember this is a decision you are making for at least five years of his life. Yes transition to secondary school isn't easy, but having people you already know going there will be helpful with this for a month or two at most, probably even less.

Most children, especially if they are going to a very large school, will make new friends and hang out with new crowds at secondary school anyway. So basing which school they go to on the ability to be with their friends from primary school is short-sighted in my view.

Most of the children from DS1's primary school went to the large local secondary school. They all had maybe one or two children they know in their tutor group, and it wasn't their particular friend/s anyway. That's the reality.

DS1 didn't go there - he's at a different school which we decided was the best fit for him, and he's thriving. He did have one friend also go there but knew no one else and has made new friends quickly, even though he's quiet and introverted.

Magenta82 · 10/06/2019 12:19

The first school is bigger so you probably know more people who have an experience with it, you my not have heard about issues at the second because it is smaller and further away.

Kanga83 · 10/06/2019 14:06

Option 2. We live on the back of the grounds of an upper school. It's mediocre at best. The other option is a 15 mins walk and a 40 Mins bus ride to a brilliant school. Our children will be taking the bus.

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