Help me with the heartache - my beautiful cat is seriously ill

[Candymay]

I am distraught. My poor beautiful loving cat is very seriously ill. He is like a son to me. I cannot stop crying. My children are getting a bad example of how to cope with things. My adult son is furious with me for not coping and says I’ve ruined his life with my parenting. He also says I’m a terrible parent to the younger children. I was extremely angry with my teen yesterday when the vet called to update me and give me terrible news. It was a call we had waited for for hours. During the call my teen daughter was on the other side of the glass screen window laughing at something whilst I was sobbing. I was so upset with her. The cat has been so loving and loyal and it’s so terrible to have him suffer like this. He deserves happiness. I can’t imagine life being ok without him. I know I sound unhinged. I’m just so distressed and heartbroken.

I’m posting here because = am I a terrible parent because I’m not coping well? Will I ever cope? My beautiful loving baby does not deserve any pain.

You’re not a terrible parent, you can’t help how you react to grief. It seems like your children don’t appreciate what you’re going though, which is more understandable in younger ones, less so in a 17 year old.

I’m sorry you’re having to go through this. Been there with many cats over the years and it’s shit.

You're not a bad parent for showing emotion.
Your kids are being a bit shit though.
Weird to think that showing distress when a much loved pet is ill is considered a bad example.
Sorry your cat is unwell.

You're not a terrible parent. You're someone who's in pain because a creature you love is in a bad way.

Have a hug and a handhold lass.

Do sorry to hear about your beautiful boy Op, I'd be incredibly emotional in your situation and I'd expect more of your adult dc TBH.

So sorry

Very sorry to hear about your darling cat. You are setting an example of a parent being loving and caring.
Animals are family - why would you not be upset if a family member were in a difficult position?
Your lovely cat must be feeling so content that he has you for a Mum.

My adult son is furious with me for not coping and says I’ve ruined his life with my parenting. He also says I’m a terrible parent to the younger children.

This can't just be about the cat, surely?
I had to have my 19 year old cat out to sleep a month ago. It's awful and I understand your pain.
It must be difficult for your kids to hear you say that the cat is just like a son, though.

I do hope your pet pulls through.

So sorry to hear about this. Would it help if I was to say that teenagers are missing the bit in their brains that deal with things like planning and, crucially, putting themselves in someone else's shoes? Teenage empathy bypass is definitely a thing, and a thing they (mostly) grow out of. So when they fail to sympathise or support at times like this, it's not really personal.

That said, it does no harm to let them know once in a while that you don't appreciate their selfishness.