Am I the only female?

[36yrold]

Hi there, I'm new here,
I just wondered, if any one has the same situation as me. So social media makes me feel incredibly lonely! I see people on there that aren't really my friends going on regular hen do's, being bridesmaids, going out regularly with friends.
Here's my problem (although I'm not jealous, because I've got used to being alone over the years) I have no friends! Not even a best friend. My husband is completely the opposite! He's extremely popular. He can't understand why I have no friends. I get on with his friends, and we have a laugh... But they are not 'my friend's ' I know he can talk to them about stuff that will be kept confidential and trusted. Yet I don't feel I have anyone to talk to about anything... I have 4 children. And I work... I'm now becoming self employed (after being there years) because when I started there I discovered everyone there (5 people) are all on a whatsapp group and speak to each other regularly outside of work.... at the beginning I thought I'd give it time (to be invited to the group) ... i was never invited ....over the years a colleague has done nothing but call me 'thick' on a daily basis! So I feel now it's better just to be self employed.
But seriously though... I can't be the only woman (36) that's never had one friend.... don't get me wrong some days I'm fine with it... used to it. Other days I see what everyone else experiences... And then I think ' what's the hell is wrong with me!'

You’re not the only one.

I have no real friends. I had a big group but lost them all about 4 years ago.

It’s shit.

Absolutely shit :/

Nope you're not the only one.

I realised that a lot of my friends were only there when it was convenient. If I couldn't go to them they wouldn't come to me. If I disagreed with them on anything I got blanked. So I faded out. Making new friends has proved rather tricky.

DP has friends who I get on with but they're all based around shared hobbies, and although we have a laugh again as with you they're not my friends.

It's shit alright

I am going to join your club. I have no friends either. Have had them in the past but now I'm quite isolated. Mostly, I don't mind, I enjoy my own company and the lack of intrusion but I sometimes wonder if I am 'normal'.

I'm in the same boat, I'm 31 and have no friends, I feel so lonely too, I've come off social media, which has made me feel better about life in general.
I've tried making friends, trying to strike up conversations with people but I just don't 'click' we will chat but never become friends, I find small talk so hard which I suppose doesn't help.
My daughter is in a group of 3 best friends, the two other girls mum's are very good friends and often meet for coffee, or go to each others houses and I'm always left out, my daughter gets upset, the fact that I'm not friend material is now impacting my child makes me feel even shitter, I wish I was more likeable.

No, I don’t either. I did have but a lot were only there when they wanted to be and I couldn’t be arsed with that. The one long term friend I did have has recently pissed me right off so looks like I’m Down to zero. I have lots of “friends” at work but know they are only “friends” whilst I work there . If I left there would be no further contact.

Oh I'm so glad I'm not the only one! @Bluerussian exactly it's like you don't feel 'normal' or 'friendship material'.
@Babyduck2 it's impacting my children too they see their friends mum's going out... And think I'm a weird because I've not been invited. My daughter say 'Well just turn up!' I can't do that!!! I'd be a gate crasher ... And that's not my style... I'd rather an invite 🤷‍♀️😔

Another one here with no friends

I have friends at work but don’t see them outside of work, some of them meet up but I am not invited even though I know about their plans. I’m not the only one not included though.

I have nice neighbours but only socialise with them at xmas for neighbourhood drinks

I do feel lonely but have great daughters and husband

I have 2 friends who live hundreds of miles away. That's it. I had friends when I was at college, but even though I now live close to them, I never socialise (except on social media).
DD1 has even asked me why I have no friends like daddy does.
Due to a long history of bullying, I struggle to believe people would want to be friends with me, so I don't put myself out there much, for fear of rejection. I'd love to have a social life, but its not meant to be.

@KipperTheFrog I was bullied terribly at secondary school. But Its never put me off trying... however I feel it may have affected my confidence (whereas people will judge your body language, maybe?) Maybe that has made us socially unacceptable without us even realising? I dont know. I'm just trying to look for answers right now... I don't want to get to retirement age and say " I never had a friend" I'm mean how pants is that lol

I don't either.
People at work would never believe me if I told them though because I come across as very sociable.
I worry in case I ever get married again - there will literally only be 5 people on my guest list!
Most of the time it doesn't really bother me too much though.

There are studies that show that paradoxically, the longer one spends on social media the lonelier she tends to feel!
This is in part because of increased social awareness when logged into Facebook or whatever and in my case this feeling usually fades away when go offline, so it isn't really on of my top priority issues.
However it still bothers me somewhat so recently I've approaching people I know who might be having the same problems as me, because honestly for every socially active person on my fb at least 5 or more are just like me, feeling bad for seeing the same friends post pictures of themselves together.
In fact in my case I have hundreds of fb friends but only like 20 of them actively post pics of their social life... I'm sure you are not alone in your social sphere!!! Find the people in your same situation!

Adult life leaves little time for friendship, tbh.

Sounds as if your workplace was pretty toxic. Good thing you got out.

I have met most new friends post-30 via fitness and a special interest group (political). Hobbies are the way to go.

Every friend I've ever had has used me so I've officially given up. In most ways I don't mind, I have a lovely family and am rarely alone so I'm not lonely. But I miss being around other women, my mum fills the void to some degree and it's probably the reason I spend a lot of time on MN but some posters do make me wish I knew women like them in real life.

I don’t have any friends at all either

I have few friends I actually see.

Most of my friends were met through hobbies/ activities. You automatically have a shared interest which is a good head start, and you get the time to bond together.

I've never made a proper, enduring friendship through work. There's been colleagues I've liked, but the "friendship" has never survived independently of the workplace.

It is particularly difficult when your time is consumed by family life and work.
People tend to have a lot more "lifestyle friends" which are people that you're in the right place at the right time with, but as lives change, most of these will drift and become less meaningful. "Soul friends" are the special ones where you just click. They need little maintainence, but when you catch up, the years melt away. They are rare friends to meet, but the ones that stand the test of time.

It is common in adult life to suddenly realise that your friendship circles aren't what they once were or what you thought they were.

Stay off social media. A lot of it is fake or doesn’t truly reflect people’s lives. Get hobbies and they may lead to friends but if not, you’ve got a better pass time than social media!