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Original poster

AIBU to have a boyfriend after 8 yrs of a Single Mum

12 replies

musketeers123 · 09/06/2019 17:37

So, was with my dcs father for 19 years. After he had an affair (girl at work, half his age - usual scenario). Domestic violence so after years in Court he can come near me of my children. After 8 years of putting them first, moving location, etc... I am now back in contact with a guy I used to know years ago. He was then very sweet but I had so much going on with my ex, I had to move location again, so we lost contact.
7 yrs later, we get back in contact and the spark is totally there !!! The problem is that my 2 DC (11 & 14) do not want to meet him again at all. I totally understand that they hv had me to themselves for the past 7 years, and I have always put them first.
For the past few years, they both said that I need to find a boyfriend (so that I would not nag them so much !!!)
I have tried to reassure them that they will always be my priority and that I am allowed to have a personal life. I don't go out much either .
They have been v v blatant that they don't like him (not giving him a chance at all).
He thinks the world of me, loves buying me presents, tries really hard with the children and I totally trust him.
However it is really upsetting me that they don't want to know.
Sorry for the rant...

OP posts:
Original poster
musketeers123 · 09/06/2019 17:42

'My ex CANNOT come near us'

OP posts:
Leeds2 · 09/06/2019 18:18

Do they not like him for a particular reason, or do they just not want you to have a partner (no matter who it was)?

Original poster
musketeers123 · 09/06/2019 18:51

Think it is ANYONE whom I see to be honest!!!

OP posts:
FreakForHummous · 09/06/2019 18:57

YADNBU to have a boyfriend!!

But I would listen carefully to DC to be honest and try and find out why they are not keen. I would think it would be difficult to make things work in the long term if the DC don't get on with him.

Leeds2 · 09/06/2019 18:58

In that case, they need to learn quickly that mum has a life too, and at 11 and 14 they are old enough to appreciate that.
Do they ever go to stay with your parents, so that you could have a night out then? Or sleepovers strategically arranged for the same time? I think I would try this sort of approach at first, and then gently broach the idea of him joining you for dinner, a cinema trip etc.

stucknoue · 09/06/2019 19:07

I think you need to be up front with them, really honest - explain that you love them and they are your world but you need to have friends and want to love and be loved by a partner which may be this person or may in the future be other(s), remind them that one day they will leave home and you will be very lonely (not in a way to guilt trip them but just in an honest way). I had a frank conversation with my dd along these lines yesterday (she's older) and she said it was fine for me to date as long as she can find a boyfriend first! At their ages they still can't really be left alone late into the evening but afternoons for instance you could go out with him just the two of you then bring in pizza for you all?

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 09/06/2019 19:07

Why do they know about him so soon?

You can't make them like him and it's going to be difficult long term if they don't. You might need to separate the two areas of your life for a while.

Mightytired · 09/06/2019 19:10

YANBU at all. I hope my dc aren't like this when I eventually start dating again.

Mac47 · 09/06/2019 19:22

You are DNBU regarding wanting to see this man. However, I think you are being U in expecting your DC to hang out with him. He is your friend, not theirs, so don't try playing happy families with someone they don't know. And why on earth are you wanting to rush the lovely bits and get his feet under the table? Enjoy being wined and dined (while going halves obv Wink and just see what happens.

Original poster
musketeers123 · 09/06/2019 20:40

They do both remember him however, I think anyone that took my attention from them is a no go. He has been very patient and understanding so not a problem there at all. I have repeatedly reassured them that they will always be my priority but also added that I should be allowed some time to myself (go out with friends very rarely).

OP posts:
Original poster
musketeers123 · 09/06/2019 20:42

I am not asking them to hang with us. Just hoping that they will start to accept that I am allowed some social life too. My family & friends keep telling me that I have spoilt them. I was just trying to make up for being a single parent.

OP posts:
Original poster
musketeers123 · 09/06/2019 20:43

Also have no intention of rushing anything.

OP posts:
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