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First birthday without mum.

3 replies

PoppadomPeach · 09/06/2019 13:06

As the title says, today is my birthday. The first one since my mum died in August.

I really don't know how I feel. I'm very angry at her (due to various reasons leading up to her death) but at the same time I'm sad. I miss her and it's only recently started to sink in that she really isn't coming back.

I don't even really want to 'celebrate' - it doesn't feel right. Mum (for all her faults) always used to make such a fuss about my birthday - cake, card, presents, special treats. Even though I'm getting on, it made me feel like a big kid for that one day.
My dad tries - God bless him - but he was never 'in charge' of the buying so I've not even got a card from him yet. DD is only small (although she did make me a card at nursery) and I'm a single parent.

It feels very lonely this year. I feel empty. Yet the rage at my mum creeps up and in that moment I'm full of anger, then tears, then sadness.
Hard feelings to process - especially such an onslaught of them.

I'm just having a bit of a moan really. My head's all over the place.

OP posts:
RosesandCuddles · 09/06/2019 13:14

Sorry to hear that lovely. Soon your child will more than make up for it, helping you celebrate your birthday, mother’s day etc

Why is there anger towards your mum if you don’t mind me asking?

PoppadomPeach · 09/06/2019 13:32

Thank you for your reply.
I can't wait. She's just that bit too small at the minute - although her little card did make me cry.

My mum was an alcoholic - verbally abusive and violent after a drink. She had been sober for a good while and was getting back on the straight and narrow, everything was going well.
Then she stopped taking her medication and sought solace at the bottom of a bottle of vodka. I begged her to stop, tried everything and she just wouldn't listen, drinking herself to death.

I'm angry at her for letting me find her, bright yellow, on her bedroom floor covered in bright green bile which she had vomited up, for the amount of bottles there were on the floor. It just all whirls round in my mind and I am really struggling to forgive her.

OP posts:
RosesandCuddles · 09/06/2019 23:00

Wow that’s awful, at least I hope that somewhat lessens your grief, even by a little. Some addictions can be extremely gripping and strong.

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