Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

DM and DF ...

6 replies

birthdaymayhem · 09/06/2019 12:01

Not sure which topic to post in.
FYI Daily mail is shit!

I've recently been thinking about some things they do / have done in the past and I'm questioning if it's a bit weird and not the norm in terms of functional relationships.
I might be completely in the wrong and misreading things but as I get older, have my own family and so on I find myself very different from them in a lot of ways.
Worth noting they were both fairly young parents and are now in their early 50s as I'm in my early 30s.
Also I am not biased but it is known that my DM is a very attractive lady and has always been good looking and got a fair bit of attention.

I have a few examples and was wondering if some wise mumsnetters could give me their opinions..

  • I remember when I was younger and they went on nights out I would often be told about how my DF got into a fight or DM had to tell him off/calm him down as another man was paying her attention/trying to dance with her. It was often in a very light hearted laughing at their antics kind of way and always with DM saying how she was just minding her own business and just got approached.
  • when I was old enough (not sure if this is a bit weird) I ended up on a few nights out with them and other people and I saw my DM dancing on her own and whilst dancing kind of "travelling" a lot all over the place often bumping into men or walking backwards into the middle of groups of men whilst still dancing and ignoring them, even if there was tonnes of space around her and not many people dancing she would manage to do this. Then if one of them would start dancing with her she'd let him whilst shooting me or her friends these half outraged "shocked" looks of "why is he dancing with me". The next day the story would be of how she was just minding her own business/just having fun dancing/ didn't even notice anyone else.
  • in the first months of mine and DPs relationship (been together nearly 10 years now) a labourer doing a one off job in my family home asked for my number and I told my DM a bit surprised because that's literally never happened to me before and she encouraged me to give it to him even though I was in a relationship with DP who she knew I really, really liked even way before we got together. She said "why not". I didn't do as it didn't seem right since he was obviously interested in a romantic way and I was happily taken.
  • DP and my parents worked in the same industry and sometimes saw each other on projects or events. My DM would tell me that she saw he was talking to a good looking girl or he fancied someone even if to me if seemed like a normal polite conversation, maybe with a joke thrown in and so on as you do when socialising with people?
  • being told in an argument "you think your DP doesn't look at others? Of course he does?" "You think he wouldn't have his head turned? You're naive". (Potentially relevant background : DF cheated on my DM many years ago and they both decided to work through it)
  • at one point both DM and DF thought DP fancied my DM ... I'll just leave that there.
  • my DF generally being under the impression most men fancy my DM.
  • my DM often getting moody if my DF talks to another female for a while and always getting the impression he fancies them. DF also gets weirdly jealous the other way around.

I'll leave it at that as I feel this is getting really long.
Am I reading too much into these things recently or is this a really weird way to function?

OP posts:
Moneybegreen · 09/06/2019 12:04

Your DM sounds like a troublemaker.

Soola · 09/06/2019 12:12

Your mother is an attention seeker.

Your father enables her.

cosmonautkitten · 09/06/2019 12:24

You're not reading too much into things.

Your DM unfortunately sounds like she gets a lot of her self worth from male attention and validation from your DF through being attractive.

Especially with the affair I'd think this is all her trying to recapture and keep his attention long term (but then I don't know how long ago the affair was in relation to when the jealousy aspect started)

But definitely weird, especially in relation to trying to get you and your DP to play the same games they do. What's your DP think about what they say about his behaviour at events?

birthdaymayhem · 10/06/2019 10:24

@cosmonautkitten the affair was a long time ago, probably about 15-16 years now.

But from all her stories and realising things as I grew up I can't help but think that she's always enjoyed a bit of attention and drama/jealousy in a very low key way. Also always saying the sort of "I didn't even do anything/notice anyone/was just doing my own thing/ wasn't aware of anything and its all on the other party" line. Just a bit of a weird vibe to get from my own DM though...

My DP always seemed a bit surprised and almost humoured about it and obviously denied it. But I have also been around when the supposed flirting/fancying scenarios were happening and I'd often end up quite confused because to me it seemed normal talking/taking interest in the actual conversation you're having with someone as you do but then an authority figure in my life would be implying that it was flirting/inappropriate/he fancied them.

So many years down the line DP jokes that he doesn't know why he didn't run for the hills when these crazy things were coming out and that he just liked me too much that he was almost blind to their antics.

OP posts:
Zoeputthatdown · 10/06/2019 10:29

They can do what they like in their own relationship but stirring up trouble in yours is malicious.

birthdaymayhem · 10/06/2019 12:49

The thing is I know that in my DMs head she's not being malicious just watching out for me and being knowledgable of the harsh realities of life and that's nothing's a bed of roses.

But I think some of it might be projecting?

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread