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Original poster

Urgent wwyd- family party

20 replies

BillywigSting · 08/06/2019 17:48

Have been invited to my cousins 21st birthday party tonight (invite came weeks ago). It's a family gathering in a function room

I am 28 with a partner and dc, and while we were close as kids (she is one of four, and they are all alright but all younger than me by a few years). We get on alright but don't speak daily. Her and her brothers are all much closer to their other set of cousins who will also be there.

I really don't know if I want to go tbh.

The last time I went to one of these (of her older brothers 21st) I went on my own as only dp could mind ds and he is too young to come with us. My dm was there but spent most of the time talking to her own sisters and cousins her own age.

My cousins were all with the other set of cousins. I spent a good chunk of time sitting on my own.

Similar situation tonight, if I go I'll go alone, dm is going to her dm's (my granny) with her cousin and they are all travelling to the venue together.

I've had quite a few queries as to whether or not I'm going tonight, I have bought a card and will put some money in it if I go. Have started getting ready etc.

I don't know if I should go just to show my face and say happy birthday and get off fairly early or just stay at home and sod the lot of them.

I messaged my dm a while ago to ask if it might be better that I go to dg house too and we all go from there but have had no reply yet

OP posts:

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 08/06/2019 17:50

Oh dear. Why were you excluded by your dm last time? Why weren't you part of that conversation? Seems a bit mean to leave you sitting alone.

Loopytiles · 08/06/2019 17:50

Do you enjoy seeing the extended family?

alostpainting · 08/06/2019 17:50

Go, show your face, leave as early as you can without being rude. Simpler all round than not going and having to explain why. It sounds like you’re feeling a bit anxious but it will probably be better than you think, just don’t go expecting to have an amazing time! For family things, it’s important to turn up.

AtrociousCircumstance · 08/06/2019 17:51

Go for a short while, show your face, chat to various different people, don’t expect to be included - just approach and ask interested questions and then drift away.

Leave as soon as you like, breezily and cheerfully.

Original poster

BillywigSting · 08/06/2019 17:52

I don't think I was excluded maliciously, there were a lot of people there so I think she assumed I'd just end to chatting to other relatives.

I'm an only child though and the only one of my generation in my position regarding family life etc

OP posts:

LuluBellaBlue · 08/06/2019 17:52

I’d go and just stay for a bit, would be nice to show your face.
Would it help to think about some conversation starters and subjects to help you chat to people?
Personally at family parties I’m more than happy chatting to whoever whatever age they are, I only say this as I wouldn’t think to differentiate between talking to my grandad / auntie / mum / cousins - older and younger.
I don’t feel the need to speak to people my age, so wonder if this is an insecurity of yours and by having a few topics of conversation ready might help you feel more able to chat to anyone?
Hope you have a lovely evening whatever you decide

Original poster

BillywigSting · 08/06/2019 17:54

It's supposedly starting at 7pm, dm and Co are not arriving until 7:30pm (read 8pm because that is what they are like)

I would much rather be in pj's with a brew and my new book!

OP posts:

Herocomplex · 08/06/2019 17:56

is it that you just don’t like going on your own? Or. That you find it hard to chat?

Original poster

BillywigSting · 08/06/2019 17:59

Arriving on my own is not a problem and neither is striking up a conversation.

It's just that last time I was repeatedly left completely alone when someone better to talk to came along

OP posts:

FriarTuck · 08/06/2019 17:59

I'd stay home! Women's world cup on the tv, book in between, and if you get a takeaway then it's practically heaven in your jim jams

Herocomplex · 08/06/2019 18:04

Ah I see, that sounds miserable. I would set a time limit, go in to the party talk to as many people as I could for a very short time, you break it off before they can (go to the loo, get a drink, check your phone whatever), be really breezy, asks lots of questions, move on quickly, then leave.
Go home in a taxi, put on your pjs and congratulate yourself on doing your duty. Enjoy your evening!

Loopytiles · 08/06/2019 18:08

Left alone by whom? Not unreasonable at a party for people to talk to someone for a bit then move on, no need to be snippy about it.

If (other than your DM) you dislike your extended family, and don’t want a relationship with them, don’t go.

I am not close to my extended family, but have been to a fair few funerals of the extended family in recent years and miss the parties of old.

BlueMerchant · 08/06/2019 18:14

I'd probably go and go around 7:45. Chat with Birthday cousin and other family then spend a bit of time chatting with DM&CO leaving after a couple of hours tops.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 08/06/2019 18:17

You seem a bit fixated on age. It's not really relevant with a family party imo. I say go, chat to whoever (younger than you, older than you, whatever) and don't let your dm or anyone else leave you sat alone. Then leave after an hour and a half or so, kettle on an congratulate yourself on getting through it!

grumpyyetgorgeous · 08/06/2019 18:18

So dh is at home with your dc? Go, with an open mind, you might have fun and find somebody interesting to chat to...... if not, oops sorry dh just rang and the dc need me because...... and make a quick exit, no harm done.

ChicCroissant · 08/06/2019 18:31

If you want to sit with your DM then you can, but it seems fairly natural to me to spend time with someone you don't see so much at these functions so you can have a chat - the same applies to you, talk to the cousins you don't see so often.

You've been invited out with your family but seem to have isolated yourself in your mind - I'm not sure why, none of the reasons you've come up with would indicate to me that they wouldn't want to talk to you at a party. If your mum isn't talking to you, go up to another relative you know and strike up a conversation.

LarryGreysonsDoor · 08/06/2019 18:34

Oh I hope you aren’t feeling poorly.
What a shame it would be to get a bout of D and V.

TheresWaldo · 08/06/2019 18:41

Hmm. I would go. I am old enough to be your mother and reached the point where the GPs have all died and some of the parents too. It's so nice to have a good relationship with cousins/extended family, and as an only child, maybe even more important. Make the effort to go for a bit. Chat to people, catch up and then leave early if you need to.

Original poster

BillywigSting · 08/06/2019 19:09

Have decided I'm going to go and make as swift an exit as politely possible

I don't mind who I talk to. I do mind being repeatedly left completely alone, or cut off mid sentence with a 'sorry Billy I'm just going to go and speak to Bob' and left alone.

I wouldn't do that to anyone, family or not. I'd wave the other person over, not leave the first on their tod

OP posts:

LittleLongDog · 08/06/2019 19:12

Make it your aim to speak to as many people as possible. Then it will be you deciding when to leave the conversation: “it’s so lovely to see you, I just just catch up with x”.

Show your face and leave after a bit.

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