I need some straight talking!!

[Clutterfreeintraining]

I'm supposed to be buying the house I currently live in, off a relative. She offered about 6 months ago and for various reasons it's taken a while to get the process moving. It finally is now, house has been valued, I've got quotes for conveyancing (for her and me) and I'm in the middle of getting my mortgage in place (all info been sent, just waiting for them to say yes).
Relative tells me this morning she's changed her mind and doesn't think she wants to go ahead with the sale.
I'm gutted and am having a bit of a tantrum in my head because I'd planned to do so many things to the house and now that'll all have to be shelved.
I need to contact the mortgage broker and ask them to stop the application because the maximum I could borrow isn't enough to buy any other property where I currently live and there are many reasons why we can't move areas any time soon.
I'm also applying for a grant from the local authority, through my business, to do work in the garden but will have to stop this too because the garden's not going to be mine now.
It's her house to do with as she pleases and I know that but don't know whether I should try and persuade her to go ahead or just forget about it and carry on as before.
I had a fleeting thought earlier to pull out the half of the deposit I can get my hands on and blow it on something ridiculous but I'm fairly sure I won't do that.
I'm supposed to be going out this evening with my 2 sisters but I just want to go up to bed, have a cry and generally feel sorry for myself. I know I need to get a grip but I just feel so disappointed.
Not sure when to contact the broker and ask them to stop the application. What if she tells me tomorrow that she's changed her mind again and it's all back on?!
I don't trust my own decision making - someone tell me what to do - my preferred option would be to take my savings and move to the beach. Sadly, real life and the savings I actually have won't allow for that

Did she give any reasoning?

Just stay calm. No rash decisions. They have a habit of coming back and biting us on the arse and we cannot time travel.

Go and talk to her. Tell her you really want to buy the house and it would make a massive change to your life. Don';t demand, just set out what it means to you and see what she does.

Either way, then make your decision. Just keep the higher moral ground for you.

That sucks OP. I’m sorry.

Definitely wait until you know it’s definite before you do anything.

Shahlalala - she's worried about the capital gains tax bill she'll get (I've previously gone through this with her and calculated the worst case scenario) and as she's offering it to me below market value as a gift, wants to give a chunk of money to each of my dsis and my father (her brother). She doesn't think there'll be enough money to do all of this so by not selling me the house, everyone is treated the same.

AI2O3 - no rash decisions . I can't even think about having a conversation with her without me getting upset (it's an annoying habit that I'm working on). I don't want to guilt her into going ahead but also don't want to sit back and do nothing if there's a chance she'll change her mind again.
She'll be here again tomorrow morning so I'll see if I'm feeling less of a wimp and speak to her about it then.

Flower - I'm just worried the mortgage company will say yes to the money and I'll have nothing to buy with it! I've never had a mortgage before so no idea what I'm doing really!!

The mortgage company won’t release the money till the contracts have been exchanged on the sale, so don’t worry about that.

Try and have a calm chat with her tomorrow. Or would it be easier by text/email? Not ideal but it’s easier to edit if you think you are getting upset.

the maximum I could borrow isn't enough to buy any other property where I currently live and there are many reasons why we can't move areas any time soon

Keep this to yourself. Seriously.

If she thinks a convenient buyer is stuck, then where is the incentive to move forward quickly? She could easily think to herself "Maybe we could leave this till next year, it's not like clutterfree is going anywhere and she's desperate for the house so will just have to hang on"

Hint that you will be looking for other properties and keep it vague and optimistic. Refuse to be drawn on details, just "we'll keep looking, we're hopeful we'll find something"

If she thinks she may lose you to another house, it may refocus her on selling.

When she says she is worried about the capital gains tax, is this because she knows how much it will be or because she thinks it will be a lot?
If she is just "imagining" a huge bill, I would suggest she gets a proper assessment. There used to be an annual exemption and, when I was working in that kind of finance, the actual tax on the "gain" was around 30%. Of course there are a lot of other things to take into consideration, but professional advice seems like a reasonable thing to suggest.

She is your Aunt I see. In that case she can sell it to you at whatever value she bought it for or inherited at . The gain in value over the later years is not taxable.

I suspect the gain is about 90% of the current market value so the tax would be about 25% of that value - but she doesn’t need to sell it for that. She could give it free of cgt, but not IHT.

Let’s assume the market value is 200,000. The tax would be 50,000. She could sell it to you for 200,000 and she uses some to pay her tax of 50,000. The balance you owe her and pay out of the mortgage or instead out of your income in future years. She can give that income away to your other relatives rather than her.

Just to clarify, she can give it to you free of cgt, but can sell it to you instead. If selling, cgt WOULD apply, but you can pay it for her. The balance equal to 75% you could pay off to her/relatives over time and interest free.

NC4now - I'll talk to her in the morning. We do communicate a lot through email so that might also be an option if I can't string a sentence together tomorrow

1CarefulLadyOwner - I worked out how much it would likely be but without all the info on how much she's spent on maintenance so my calculation is higher than it's going to actually be. She panics when anything mathematical is mentioned so I think she just heard 'big bill' when it's not actually that horrendous.

AI2O3 - I'm really sorry but I don't understand In my defence, it's been a really long day

those who have knowledge on this thread, am I right in thinking that if she lived in the house before letting it she will lose a tax break if she doesn’t sell by April of next year? I’m sure I read this somewhere recently?

Sorry, Elspeth, I didn't respond to your post last night. She already knows I couldn't afford anywhere else. She has offered to sell the house to me as a favour really. I do very much appreciate the gesture but the conditions attached are quite draining - not actual conditions, just trying to keep up with her thoughts and anxieties over it and various other issues.

Anyway, this morning's update, she has infact changed her mind again and it's all back on so I'm going to stop dawdling and get it all done and dusted because I don't think my poor little brain can cope with another day like yesterday!!

Grant to do the garden , through your business ? Can you explain

pelirocco123 - it's not really relevant, tbh.

Latest update, it's all off again .
The reasons given are different to last week but whatever the reasons, I'm not going to try and persuade her to go ahead.

I feel a lot less emotional than I did last weekend and haven't sunk into the self-pity slump that I often find so easy to do - so that's a bonus