DV possible trigger - I’ve left help me stay away

[SittingAtARailwayStation]

I’ve been with DP for 3 years. We are early 50s.
I was married for 25 years previously.
When my ex & I had separated he came to my house one evening (I had met DP by this point) we were discussing our DCs before we disagreed on something. He smashed my handbag repeatedly against the wall before grabbing me by the neck before I was able to get away. As I ran up the stairs he grabbed my leg before coming to his senses & being completely remorseful over what happened.
DP was absolutely horrified. He jumped in his car & drove an hour to support me as I was in bits.
DP & I are going through great financial difficulties at the moment. I work every hour I can (10 hours a day).
This week I went to see my adult DCs & ended up having to stay over because I wasn’t feeling well.
DCs seem to have told their dad in passing.
Last night I went to bed as I was exhausted.
I leave my phones downstairs.
DP woke me up at 3am screaming at me with my phone in his hand.
Ex had messaged ‘hope you feeling ok now’ . Ex is remarried & we are reasonably ok terms .
DP ripped all my clothes out the wardrobe & threw at me but then he grabbed me by the throat.
I’ve left. I’m sat in a coffee shop. He’s messaged me 100s of times.
I just feel toxic. I’ve made 2 men do this to me.
I just feel worthless

You have this thread as proof. Do not doubt yourself. He's a classic abuser and is gaslighting you and trying to reel you back in, until the next time. Plan your escape, don't get sucked back in. You've escaped one, you can do it again.

I wish you love, strength and peace.

I began to believe after a few abusive partners that I was the one pushing them to this..however after speaking to a professional I was told men like this pray on women who have allowed this to happen before, they learn this through us telling them how awful our past relationship was or in my case already know as everyone knew everyone's business where I lived. We tend to go for a similar type of man and fall into the same trap and until you can take a step back and just be you (which I did as a single mum for 4 years) that's when you will realise your worth and how strong you are, and when you don't need anyone for support or company is when you find the right person who you chose to allow into your life,not someone you think will rescue you from the bad situation you are already in,to end up in a worse situation. You need to set the bar as to what you are going to accept from peoples behaviour towards you,negative people should have no.place in your life and I truly believe this even if they are family I have no place for them in mine or my children's life if they bring no joy. I'm now happily married and yes we argue as any normal couple do but I know he will never hurt me,this I struggled with initially it's not easy to have a normal relationship after such toxic ones but it gets easier and I'm at the point where it saddens me I wasted so many years and allowed myself to be treat the way I was. I really hope you find a space to call your own for some peace and calm and that you stay in that place and realise your worth. You didn't cause this,they chose to behave in the way they did,you chose to accept it but this time you can chose to let him know once is once too many. You can do this,all you need is your children they will give you the strength you need x

Have you informed the police yet maybe call women's aid first and ask for their help. No such thing as demon drink. He is responsible for his behaviour. You are far better off without him. Sending hugs and strength xxx

This is not at all your fault, but please don't let him get away with this. Go to the police and get support irl. I'm sure your DC wouldn't want this to happen to you and for him to get away with it. You deserve better