To think that being an introvert is depressing

[KnittingForMittens]

I've realised that I have always been an introvert. During my early days at secondary school, I was on my own through most of it and had no friends. I only started making friends during the final year and then started going out in groups. Even then, I felt so uncomfortable and I would try and make excuses to get out of it. I only have 2 friends that I actually talk to, and see one of them once a month for a one to one. The last time I had a group gathering was with my colleagues which was actually OK. I did enjoy myself but at the end, I started to feel socially drained. I used to work by myself which I really enjoyed and kept physically active. I would love to work for Royal Mail but I am not getting pass the assessment stages whenever I apply :(

I don't feel comfortable having people over at my house as well, even though it is tidy and I have nothing to be ashamed of. I feel very uneasy and sick during group meetings, especially family gatherings which I just can't stand. I've always done things by myself, go clothes shopping, town, cafe, anywhere... I've always done it myself.

Now I am married with a toddler, I feel selfish and ill about the thought of needing to invite people over to celebrate his birthday. My husband is a major extrovert. He loves group chats, he likes to be social but I am someone who is happy enough going to bed and watching a movie. He always has ago at me, saying I am a miserable person and I need to start enjoying life. He really doesn't understand this is just how I am. I don't feel comfortable going out clubbing. I used to but then I lost my confidence when someone made a horrible comment about me and I never went out as much after that.

Being like this does not suit family life at all. Sorry this is a random rant but I just wish I was more outgoing and fun. I am not. I am a boring person who is almost 30 and have nothing else exciting to do.

Is anyone else an introvert? What are your challenges that you have to face on a daily basis?

I'm an introvert and I really like it - I love my own company and am much happier when I'm pottering about alone. That said, I'm a confident introvert - I'm happy doing public speaking, meeting new people and the like - I just get my energy from being alone.

My husband, on the other hand, is a shy extrovert - he gets his energy from being with others, but is shy when interacting with strangers. We complement each other well I think

I honestly don't think being an extrovert is the default human personality. The older I get, the more 'happily introverted' people I meet! I honestly, honestly find the most mature adults I meet will agree with me that they're more than happy in their own company and aren't remotely fussed about having guests over or getting together regularly with groups of people.

There is so much pressure on kids and young people to be seen as sociable, cool and popular with lots of friends which is probably contributing to societies poor mental health situation. Maybe we're not nearly as conditioned to be surrounded by other people as we expect ourselves to be and the pressure to be seen as outgoing and social just piles even more pressure onto already delicate minds?

I’m autistic and introverted, OP, so I do understand. I hated birthday parties as a child (my own or others’), and avoided any work social outings with colleagues etc as an adult.
Now that I’m retired, I’ve had to be brave and go to some activities or I would be in solitary confinement!
I’ve been widowed for 27 years, and the kids have grown up and moved to their own homes, so it’s just me and the cat.
I still couldn’t face purely social things like coffee mornings or cocktail parties, but I do selected activities that don’t require much chatting.
I spend a lot of evenings at the bridge club, (where I suspect many of the players are on the spectrum with me!), and also play at a table tennis club (where we only have to chat during the short tea break).
My DC accompany me on holidays and do any ice breaking/chatting required.
I also go to the village church regularly, which is a welcoming, supportive community where we pray and sing together, and nobody judges anyone for social inadequacy.
I think you just need to pick and choose what activities you can cope with, and work within your social limits. It’s perfectly possible to have a happy life as an introvert, it just takes a bit of arranging. Good luck, OP!

I agree with lots of PPs I genuinely love being introverted as the whole basis of it is that you’re happy being alone! I think it would be so much worse to not be able to occupy yourself with your own company. I potter about the house, play instruments, take dc to park/soft play/swimming pool whatever. I have a couple of close friends who I love having one to ones with (during the day) or to cinema and then curl up on the sofa in the evening. On DH’s days off I’ll do exercise classes, we go for walks, out for lunch together etc. DH is extroverted but he spends time with his own friends a few evenings a week which I don’t mind as I love being on my own!

Obviously there are times where I have to go out in a group or to gatherings which I do generally dread, then will usually enjoy myself while I’m there but they go always go on too long and I feel very drained after but such is life! As long as I know I don’t have to do it all again tomorrow I can usually get through okay.

I don’t like having gatherings at my house as I worry about when people are going to leave but I would recommend having birthday at soft play or if they’re older a few friends to cinema and McDonald’s, it doesn’t have to be a big stressful event.