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I'm having a crisis (not really but kind of). Help!

4 replies

ColourMeGreen · 08/06/2019 13:06

I recently ended an 8-9 year relationship. I'm 25 so it was a long time.

About a week ago I was checking Facebook messages (only log in once a year or so) and had a filtered message from my ex boyfriend from when I was 14/15. We were together just under 18 months, went on holiday together etc. He said I made a big impact on his life and he was just wondering how I was doing now, and apologised in case it was weird that he got in touch. We sent a few messages back and forwards, just sort of what are you doing with yourself sort of stuff, and then he invited me out for lunch. I'm currently on the train headed there, and going to see my sister in the same city after.

Except now that I'm actually on the train I'm totally freaking out. I already take 80mg of propranolol a day for anxiety related to PTSD and last time I tried to speak to someone I hadn't spoken to for a long time I lost all my words and basically sat making agreement noises and adding nothing to the conversation for an hour. It was painful. I was trying to talk but the words just wouldn't come out. I'd like to avoid that happening again!

We are both very different than we were then (obviously) so it's kind of like talking to a complete stranger and I have no idea why I even agreed to this never mind what I'm going to say! Can you maybe suggest some talk topics or tell me to get a grip of myself and be an adult? I have no idea what to say. He just got his degree in the same subject I was doing before I took a break to look after disabled DC, so there are still some common interests I think. It's been just me, ex and kids for so long I've forgotten how to be a normal person!

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 08/06/2019 13:08

Just ask what he's up to. About his f am. Work. Keep in touch with mutual friends?
If it gets awkward then say you need to be getting going, your sister is expecting you.
You sound like you have been in relationships since you were a child (as have I though older than you), are you enjoying being on your own for a while?

bigchris · 08/06/2019 13:12

If you feel anxious take deep breaths, focus on any writing thst you can see and make words out of individual words

Tell him you feel nervous , his reaction will show if he's nice and empathetic

Don't drink alcohol

ColourMeGreen · 08/06/2019 13:18

I don't think either of us speak to anyone we knew back then. I have spent a lot of time in relationships and I am definitely glad to be having some time for myself. Nowhere near ready to jump into anything new.

Focusing on words is a good idea, thanks!
Definitely won't drink alcohol, haven't had any for about 6 years!

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ColourMeGreen · 08/06/2019 13:19

My sister said the same about using her as a sort of get out of jail free card

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