The way people treat you when you look young

[TeaForTheWin]

I've really been noticing it a lot lately in workplace kind of roles. I am thirty and I think people think I am more like twenty and I find it so hard to explain but maybe some of you will know what I mean but:

Say a fifty year old woman thinks you are a young girl, she expects you to talk to her in a different ...manner than what she expects from a thirty year old women. It's not so much respect its more like...ugh...see this is where words fail me. But it can just cause this really awkward dynamic where either I have to act extra...respectful i guess, or just be me and risk them having a problem with it. And sure many will cotton on that you are older than you look so that it's fine but some really get irked that you are speaking to them more 'on their level'.

Sometimes I probably make my own traps to be fair, like for example the other day some people were having problems with procedure on our tablets (accessing internet ect) and it was pretty straight forwards stuff but with a few of them being a bit older they obviously weren't brought up in the internet generation and I didn't want them to feel I was some smug little know it all so I pretended it was a little difficult for me too. And now I think the boss thinks im thick. Yay.

I don't know if I explain it well and im sure a lot of peole will be thinking 'respect is respect' but the thing is there are certain subtlties that I think you wouldn't even think of if you haven't been in a similar situation. It can even be little things like them over-praising you for basic stuff as if you are a kid or asking you to do more things for them like they probably wouldn't say 'can you run grab that book for me...' ect...to someone they considered to look thirty, they would just go get it themselves.

Also, I've found telling people my age...doesn't always make a difference :/

Anyone else find they have workplace struggles looking younger than they are?

As a fifty something old woman I have no idea what you are talking about.I work with lots of people of different ages .I find that respect works two ways.
And as a woman in your 30s why are you pretending that you can't do something,why not just do it(and not making a meal of it or saying anything then you won't appear smug).
It is hard to tell from a post but maybe your immaturity is what makes you seem young toothers.

Why are you pretending to NOT know something you actually do? How bizarre, and quite frankly, immature. Assert yourself and act the like grown woman you are. Dumbing down is simply absurd.

I completely empathise, I am 33 in a few weeks but am regularly described by colleagues as being “young”. I still get ID’d sometimes and I guess it’s just one of those things.

Every time someone at work tells me “oh but you’re so young”. I just tell them how old I am, and it usually does the job. Do not dumb yourself or your abilities down to fit in with anyone. Use your normal language, do your job exactly as you always do, and don’t let other people’s neuroses about age and superiority impact on how you present yourself to the world. Don’t let yourself be intimidated by anyone. It isn’t your problem to manage everyone else’s perception of you, just be yourself.

I’m a band 7 nurse practitioner and regularly take charge of an urgent care centre and our entire counties OOH GP service and I take it in my stride, but there’s always someone who likes to remind me that they think I’m “just a baby” as if it’s somehow relevant. Usually the same people who turn into red faced quivering wrecks at the amount of responsibility and spinning plates you need to keep up in the air, when they have a turn at taking charge.

You can’t please everyone.

I’m 48, I now work in an office with people of all ages from 21 to 63, age isn’t an issue we are all adult, however the 20 somethings do seem to go on about how young they are, it does sound to me, from your post, that you think of yourself as very young and Making it an issue. at 28 I was a general manager with responsibilities over much older people, so what, I never considered other people’s perception of me.

I do actually get what you mean as I'm constantly being told I look about 10 years younger than I am. I work in customer facing role and I do think people expect you to be more deferential when they think you're only a teenager.

Having said that, I think most people realise fairly quickly, even if they don't know my exact age.

I don't think your issue with your colleagues is to do with your age or how you look though. In that situation, could you just quietly do your stuff and offer them a hand of they need it?

I get this. Im 30 people often think im a teenage mum. So feel shoved out at baby groups etc. I have a professional job and have been given a coffee order before by someone thinking I was the intern rather than hosting the meeting.

It is hard to explain you are right but I get where you are coming from.

I find peoples attitude and demeanor changes when they realise how old I am.

I get this. I'm the manager at work and my assistant is 20 years older. If we're stood together customers/contractors always direct their talk to her.
I was chatting to a customer about D Day yesterday and he said that youngsters don't know the difference between the different events in WW2, then said in a very patronising tone "I bet YOU didn't know either until I just told you". I said I did know actually, I covered it in my history PhD. I usually just smile politely but couldn't bite my tongue at that one

I feel your pain. I'm in my late 20s and I still get ID'd from time to time. I often get strangers ask me if I'm a student - which was particularly awkward when I was working for a university in a public facing role and trying to impart important information to the public with an air of authority.

I get you OP, I turned 30 this year and got all the usual comments. However, I also get told that I don't act young and come across as my age. So when you pretend you don't know something it won't help your cause.

I think confidence is part of it too and just smiling when people want to make comments. When I started my post, I had a colleague come up to me and told me she heard I was married with kids. Then she laughed and said, but you look about 12. Honestly it was so rude. I just smiled and laughed and gritted me teeth.

There's not a lot I can do about it so I just take time to dress well (and not 'young') and do my hair in a certain way, I have my children running around me most of the time so people tend to use their brains and work out that even if I had my children young, I would still be in my mid to late twenties. And hopefully one day it will turn into a blessing.

No kids here, but I've even been asked if DDog is mine on a few occasions, with more than a hint of someone thinking that he must belong to my parents or something because I'm clearly too young to own a dog of my own 🤦‍♀️

He's a rescue and has got some behavioural problems that I've worked hard to fix, and while I've had a lot of success, sometimes he still acts up in certain situations. I'm sure I get more judgement from people than I would if I looked older - there seems to be an assumption that his issues are a product of my youthful irresponsible dog ownership when nothing could be further from the truth. It's probably the same people who judge mums who look young and have DC with SN.

I pretended it was a little difficult for me too. And now I think the boss thinks im thick. Yay.

So does this mean that the boss thinks the “older people who don’t understand the internet” are “thick”? And surely it’s a little patronising to pretend not to know something - why not just explain?

The worse thing about this (and being female as well) is when you turn up at a meeting in a professional role, and people assume you're there to take the meetings or make the drinks