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Original poster

Leaving children at home

25 replies

whenskiesaregrey · 07/06/2019 20:28

DS is nearly 10. DD is nearly 7.

DD is totally NT. A typical little minx. But knows her right from wrong. Has a tendency to wind her brother up etc. All totally typical 7 year old behaviour.

DS has social communication difficulties. Very, very intelligent, but has no common sense. Can't ride a bike, doesn't go out to play etc. Very, very sensible, but quite naive. Would never, ever think to do anything wrong, but has a tendency to panic and forget instructions. Has been away to Ireland with cubs and on several school residentials so is quite competent. Doing the 11+ in a few months and hoping to go to grammar school next year (only including to give idea of competency). He will (hopefully) be getting a bus on his own, although up to now he's never even gone anywhere without an adult, and even then, he prefers to hold hands. Mentally about 85 (!!) but emotionally a lot younger, probably about 7-8 years. Your typical, Asperger's mini professor type.

Would you leave them whilst you go to the shop that is a 30 second drive away? Be out of the house 5-10 minutes.

OP posts:
UAEMum · 07/06/2019 20:29

Yes I would

FogCutter · 07/06/2019 20:35

No.

Original poster
whenskiesaregrey · 07/06/2019 20:35

Thank you for your response @UEAMum. Can I ask why? Sorry - I have Asperger's myself so struggle with these types of decisions!!

OP posts:

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Original poster
whenskiesaregrey · 07/06/2019 20:35

@fogcutter can I ask why?

OP posts:
UAEMum · 07/06/2019 20:38

You will be gone 10 mins. I would just tell them to watch TV or whatever and not to.open the door to anyone. If your DS will get the bus to school next year, it's time to start increasing his independence

AuntMarch · 07/06/2019 20:39

If DD is likely to wind her brother up, and he is emotionally immature, my first thought is that it could be stressful for him. It would depend if you could count on her to be sensible.

trilbydoll · 07/06/2019 20:41

I'd leave DS alone but it's not fair to make him responsible for a mischievous 7yo.

m0therofdragons · 07/06/2019 20:41

No, I have 2 7yos and I wouldn't leave them. I also have dd1 age 11. I would and do leave dd1 but I as I wouldn't leave a 7yo I wouldn't ever leave an 11 yo in charge of a 7yo - to much responsibility imo. I started leaving dd1 at 10 onwards. She's very sensible but the combination of an annoying younger one with no adult isn't something I'm comfortable with.

DogHairEverywhere · 07/06/2019 20:42

I don't think i would leave a 6 year old in the care of her 10 year old brother. Personally, i don't think it's fair to put that responsibility onto a young child. Maybe you could ask him how he would feel about it, base your decision on his answer.

m0therofdragons · 07/06/2019 20:42

Too not to Hmm

Original poster
whenskiesaregrey · 07/06/2019 20:42

Okay, the mixed replies are at least reassuring me this isn't straightforward!

OP posts:
UnderPompeii · 07/06/2019 20:44

No sorry not at that age and with the issues you describe. What if something happened to you while you're out?

Original poster
whenskiesaregrey · 07/06/2019 20:44

DD can be very sensible when she wants to be! Just, she chooses not to sometimes, sigh.

If DS is watching the TV, the house could burn down around him and I doubt he'd notice.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 07/06/2019 20:46

No way. Foolish and irresponsible. Based on what you yourself have written about your children, they are in no way ready for this.

Original poster
whenskiesaregrey · 07/06/2019 20:50

Well bang goes my theory of 100% answers either way! Goddamn these decisions.

OP posts:
SD1978 · 07/06/2019 20:51

Probably not- and I'm usually and yup why the heck not type. If the younger had a tendancy to wind her brother up, and her brother can get flustered, I'd probably leave it until she stops doing that. Neither of them sound quite ready yet, but I'd imagine they will be soon.

StealthPolarBear · 07/06/2019 20:51

"
If DS is watching the TV, the house could burn down around him and I doubt he'd notice."
Good argument not to!

FogCutter · 07/06/2019 20:52

Sorry I should have explained why I said no!

I also have a 7 year old who winds their 12 year old brother up and it can escalate very quickly. The 12 year old struggles to deal with it sometimes (tends to lose his temper).

Original poster
whenskiesaregrey · 07/06/2019 21:01

Okay, thanks all. The general feeling is that it's a no, and in my mind, unless it's a sure yes, I won't do it.

OP posts:
Seeline · 07/06/2019 21:03

I would not leave a 9 to in charge of a 7 to - especially one that delights in winding him up. It is not fair to put that responsibility on him. I might leave the 9yo on their own for 10-15 mins, if they were happy to be left and knew the ' rules'.

Original poster
whenskiesaregrey · 07/06/2019 21:04

@SD1978 I love your optimism that DD will, at some point, stop winding her brother up! This is the girl that put toothpaste between his shoulder blades where he couldn't reach it whilst they were getting ready one morning! He left it and it go all stuck to his fine hair on his back. She's a crafty one.

OP posts:
Hecateh · 07/06/2019 22:35

Yes definitely.

First though I would tell them that I was going to be gone for 15 mins but forget my purse so be back in the house after 2 to 3 mins.

Would give an idea if they one of them was deliberately going to start trouble.

Then go, you've told them 15 but you'll be back in 10, again you will get a vibe.

Also make sure your daughter is involved in something she enjoys before you go.

My belief is that when they think they are being given responsibility they live up to it.

I was happier leaving mine for a couple of hours at 12 to 13 than 15 to 16 because they took responsibility more seriously

In the end - only you know how they are going to be. How are they if you are 15 minutes in the shower, gardening or even can you get hal fan hour reading in peace when they are both in. That should give you a better idea than posting on here

Booboo66 · 08/06/2019 09:05

I leave my 9 year old but I'd not leave her alone with her 6yo sister. Same as you she's a monkey and likes to wince her sister up. 9 year old handles it well but I think 6yo would push boundaries if left unsupervised. So I'd leave DS as you say he needs some independence but I'd take DD.

WindsweptEgret · 08/06/2019 09:12

I'd take the 6 year with me. I wouldn't leave a child under 8 home alone, and the 10 year old doesn't sound ready to be babysitting.

OhSnake · 08/06/2019 09:25

I'd leave my 11 year old (who sounds similar to your DS), but would take my 8 year old with me (who sounds similar to your DD).

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