Finding parenthood so tough

[Notmadetobeamum]

I don’t know how anyone does any of this parenting stuff. I’m finding it so so tough.

I have a 5 and 1 year old. My 5 year old was an angel until the baby came along. Now her behaviour is awful, I’m suspecting ADHD as she can’t even sit through an episode of paw patrol without screaming and running around. It’s exhausting.

If I say ‘DD Make sure your brother doesn’t get that pen’ she will just look at me and pass him a pen and tell him to drAw on the sofa.

If I ask her to do anything it’s huge tantrums, hitting me and her brother. The toddler is well behaved, but obviously has his own challenges and is very active and still doesn’t sleep very well.

DH is out of the house 7-7 6 days a week working.

I have no real friends and no proper family support. Haven’t had a night or day to myself in 5 years although I now work part time.

On the face of it, I shouldn’t be finding it this difficult but I am struggling so so much.

Has anyone got any tips? How do you cope? Everyone around me seems so put together, I’m like a zombie that waits for the kids to go to sleep so I can cry. I’ve found myself driving in loops after work so that I don’t have to come home and that’s not normal. Normal mums don’t do this, I never thought I’d be such a failure as a mother

Stop! You are not a faliure of a mother. It is bloody hard work and you are doing an amazing job. I have 2 children 18 months apart and sometimes I wonder how I will get through the day! Do you have a partner? Perhaps you could go to a baby group with your youngest to meet new friends who are in the same boat. Do you have a nice Dr you can talk to about how low you are feeling? Your children need you. They don't see the bad days they are just happy to be with you xx

Thank you, that’s such a lovely thing to say and I appreciate it. I don’t think anyone’s ever told me I’m doing a good job before so thank you.
I tried groups before and felt a bit outcast but I think I’ll give it another try

Everyone feels like this (I hope!). I have 4 dc. Plenty of people assume I’ve got it all together and comment on how organised I am, how lovely my dc are, how I manage a house, full time job and motherhood effortlessly. Truth is, the house is a tip no matter what I do and the kids behave best when around other people/ out and about. At home they play up, fight and have boundless energy. I often count minutes til bedtime!
But they’re happy, safe and fed so I’m winning. Or at least drawing....
If I knew you I’d a) offer to babysit and b) invite you to spend an hour or 2 as a fly on the wall: it’s be guaranteed to make you realise how well you are doing!
I think that isolation makes things worse. My dh works until after the youngest 2 are asleep 5 or 6 days a week and it is hard with no respite. Try to get out of the house when you can, and if you have friends (I don’t but even a conversation with a stranger in a shop helps) make an effort to keep in touch

Sorry I see you already stated you have a partner. Must of missed that. Do you think he would let you go out for the day or at least a few hours to do something you want to do(walk, cinema, coffee in peace, get your hair done) on his day off? Would do you the world of good but also open his eyes to how much you do. I'm guilty of not doing this but sometimes just have to get out for half an hour for a walk or go to do the food shopping alone etc. Give it a go. We are here if you need to check back. Give the doc a thought too, it doesn't hurt to admit you need a bit of help some times. They won't think bad of you xx

What are you finding tough? Motherhood or parenting with - very little to zero - help? If your DH were more supportive or available, would that help?