Can I just have a little chat I feel a bit overwhelmed!

[olderthanilookapparently]

Not sure where to put this as really I just need a bit of a release.

I am happily married with 2DC both fit and healthy and a lovely husband. We could do with a bit more money but we are fine, comfortable and have a lovely life so really I should NOT be moaning.

However a good friend of mine has just split up with her husband - well not strictly true it looks like the husband has just left her and her 3 kids I don't know if there is a OW there may be but its her I am trying to support at the moment as our children are friends and she is in pieces they have been together since school and she is upset.

The reason for my post is that its brought back some really intense feelings from when my EXH left me many years ago. I feel terrible as I didn't have children at the time though at the time did think I might have been cheated out of a family which thankfully wasn't the case at all. I feel so much for my friend and upset that these feelings have resurfaced for me. Usually I would discuss this with my DH but telling him you remember how upset you were when your EXH left isn't the easiest conversation to have. He says yes look how lovely your DC's are we are lucky all of which is true but I just keep thinking I know how my friend is feeling its utterly shit and it makes me feel really upset remembering. I know I am waffling but not really sure I have anyone I can tell this to without sounding an arse so I thought I would just write it here.

Then another good friend confided in me a relative of hers is very unwell and has just started some treatment, she doesn't want anyone to know but I feel rotten for her too. She told me two days after the news about my friend and her DH and I just feel a bit 'intense' . I want to help them both not sure what I can do for either of them but also feel slightly overwhelmed myself and guilty at feeling sad from my marriage breakdown years ago !

Not really expecting any replies though advice gratefully received!!

Perfectly understandable. Hearing about someone else’s pain and misery and watching them suffer over something similar to what happened to yourself previously is bound to make you relive your experience.

But you got through that tough time and found happiness and the old memories have resurfaced and rattles you.

It’s a bit like finding a spider in a drawer full of your lovely things. A reminder that there are horrible things in life.

Your feelings are temporary and your friend will get through it as you did.

@Soola thank you. I know you are right I just know her life has been tipped so far upside down and how much it will take her to move on. They were a real partnership and she didn't ask for any of this - that is the bit that makes me feel so much for her.

I am going to buy her a ticket to see something she loves in a couple of months so she has something to look forward to I think - sound like something nice or too soon???

I don't know??

Yes I get it OP. Its not unusual to feel like this imo. Your friends situation is a trigger, you have probably pushed feelings from your past under the carpet for some time, brushed them off etc. And now they have resurfaced.

You will be able to move on again from them. You sound like a very good friend. I think a show or something booked is a nice idea. I would ask her first though. You don't want to be booking something that she and her stbx had planned to see or something like that.

Keep posting here. It gets things off your chest, its understandable that you don't feel comfortable chatting to your dh about it.

Thanks - I won't book anything without checking with her.

She has a lot to deal with atm and I will just try and help when she will let me

I think being in this situation is horrid, feeling so helpless when we just want to help our friends but don't know what to do, and so much worse for you because its bringing up how you felt at the time of a similar situation, you are obviously very empathetic and I am sure your dh would listen if you needed to talk.

When I had a friend who's husband had left her, I bought her a lemon tree, a small one, but it was something she said one night she was sat crying said id have a bloody g&T but I've no lemons, many years later she remembers me turning up with a lemon tree in the boot of my car and us having to Google lemon tree care as we decided where to put it least likely to kill it, as the one stand out moment from that time

So I think you are on the right track but maybe too soon, I'm sure your friend is so worried about her kids maybe you could suggest a fun day out to a theme park with kids in the summer give her something fun to talk about with the kids too, im sure her life will be up and down for a while, whatever was going on with her marriage.

the other friend with ill relative , all you can do is keep in touch let her know you care about her too.

Thanks @toooldtocareanymore God advice I will keep sending them both messages I think. Xx

My DH does understand he's amazing when we got married he was the one who went through my paperwork to find my divorce papers as I had stuffed them somewhere because I didn't want them and he knew it would be hard for me to do xx

Thanks for the support though