First child at 32/33 or back to university??

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Hello,

I am so stuck and lost with this I would really appreciate some help :(
I am 32 living in New Zealand originally from the UK. I Came here for a better life and so far so good. I messed about a lot in my twenties and had a fantastic time, but did not focus on my career. Now I am with a wonderful man and we are so keen to start a family together. I feel so conflicted though. I have always wanted to become a social worker. Right now I work part time in the library and although it is nice and easy, I have always wanted a career. I also don’t want to be fully reliant on my partner, I feel very vulnerable not having a career that can support myself and any children I have, especially being so far away from my family and having very minimal support here.
I could go to university in 2020 and study 3yrs for a social work or nursing degree and then have a baby but the idea of waiting that long does not sit well with me... or I could enrol on the course and just fit in pregnancy and babies around the degree...

I am so scared.. I feel so vulnerable and reliant on my partner financially and adding a baby into the mix would really exacerbate that.

I suppose I should hunt out the threads where women have managed to complete degrees with pregnancies and small babies.

Sorry if this is a bit of a ramble. It’s my first ever post and I really needed to reach out. My mum doesn’t like me talking about my desire for children as it breaks her heart that she is so far away..

Any advice/experience would be so appreciated.

Thanks.

I assume you are healthy
Why are you only working part time ?
Do you pay into a private pension ?
Are you married, are you aware of the benefits of marriage before children ?
I thought you had to have "special employment skills' for residency in NZ ?

I don’t actually know anyone that works part time that hasn’t yet had their children-what was your reason for that? Were you working part time before you met you partner?!

If you’d always wanted a career and moved for a better life-what have you been doing for the last 10/15 years? It seems late to suddenly start to do something you’ve always wanted to do? I could understand if you’d been raising children or having to work 40 hour weeks to keep the roof over your head, but...

I wouldn’t leave it much later to try to start a family tbh, in case it didn’t happen. I had qualified in my career at 21 though so it’s perhaps easier for me to say that.

You are already financially vulnerable by working part time (assume no health issues)

It's not too late for both, I am a similar age to you, I have a 1 year old and am going to start a PGCE this year. I'll be studying part time so that in can still see baby and work to earn a few pennies too. I think you just have to be prepared that it will be busy, but as long as you enjoy it and are prepared it will be fine.

@fedup21
Without going into my whole work and life history as t would take too long, in brief, I had a fantastic job during my twenties which was a once in a life time opportunity where I got to travel the world and have a lot of fun whilst working.

Although that was great for my 20s I had always wanted to get into social work and put down some roots. So I put some down in New Zealand.
I am working part time because I have changed my career from what I was doing to something a bit more suited of which I can only get part time work so far. This is subject to change as I constantly look for full time roles popping up within my company.
Changing your life and career is a long process, you have to start from scratch again which can be hard.

I have no health issues and no I am not aware of the advantages to marriage before children - could you outline a few of these?

I was considering working full time would have some benefits though, less money to pay out for child care?

Edit : working “part time” would have some benefits...

@happydinosaur

Thank you for your positive words. It’s good to hear there are women with young ones and still pursuing a career. I know it can be done.

I don’t know whether to start now and then pick up the studies once the baby is here and a bit older or start the study now and try to fit it around the pregnancy and pick it up again after some time off after baby.

I am getting myself twisted up in knots about this, it’s so difficult.

Depends what type of person you are. I had my first at 33, already had a career but went back to work after a year and immediately got a promotion which required me to go back to uni to study further (I work part time). I love the challenge, I love having that piece of me that still works hard, moves forward, challenges myself and really uses my intellect. However it is incredibly tiring a. having babies in your 30's and b. getting your brain to function after babies - baby brain isn't just for the first few months!! It's been hard studying something I know so would be difficult with a completely new subject. However it is possible and plenty of people do it. Or if you are determined to do it then there's no harm waiting a few years, be a great example to your child of learning, education etc. You have plenty of years left for a career x

Thank you so much @SIB09
I feel like I would love the challenge, I am just doubting myself that I would have what it takes to push my career and have babies too.

There are so many what ifs when it comes to having a baby it’s so easy to get bogged down. Thank you for sharing your experience.