Control ex manipulating children

[RMPL]

Stbex and I separated last April, his controlling and manipulate behaviour had become too much to bear and I moved the children, dogs and myself out.

Things have been very messy but now have taken a whole new level. Stbex is manipulating the children, feeding them things about me to the point my eldest son (Y) (12) has left home to stay with him and will not even look at me or speak to me. I am worried to death for him, his confused mind and feelings, for the sibling relationship, how scared he looked today. I feel like I’ve lost part of me.
This has escalated massively after his first cms payment (which he’s been very angry about paying).

We have a court order, children live with me, contact works with his shift rota. I can get Y back home with a C2 but feel that will be forceful for him and stress him more.

Everyone is saying give him time to miss you, he’ll be back before you know but nothing can reassure me.

Go get the C2. He’s being abused. You must do all you can to get him out of there as he might be too scared to leave of his own volition.

Please get your ds back today. Remember how you felt being with ex. He is using the same control on your dc.
My ex was hideous with my dc. One told me he knew his df hated me more he loved him....
My dc went nc with him at 12+14....
He told my dc I was a prostitute and that I moved out because I didn't want them anymore...

The night before he left he was violent and aggressive and rang his Dad to pick him up so I do believe he needs some space. (Totally not justifying any of this but trying not to put him under more pressure)
He goes on a school trip this weekend for a week which I hope will give his confused mind some freedom from the confusion.
He'll be away from him then.
I can sort this while he's away.

My DP lived with his abusive father for years. Honestly, he believes it was the best thing for his relationship with his mother. He needed to see his father's behaviour first hand and know his mum was trying her best. I would just make it clear he can come home anytime and you love him.

I had this happen to me, where my XP influenced my DS and DD (then 12 and 16) into stopping all contact with us. It literally nearly killed me with stress and grief. We had no contact with DS for a year, but after a month, DD decided she wanted to resume the pattern we'd had previously. I ended up taking out a loan in order to apply for access, which was denied, as it wasn't what DS wanted. After a year, DS decided he wanted to resume contact with me, DH and his DHBs, but it's been sporadic and patchy at best, with him often frequently cancelling weekend visits so that he 'can do some school work'. (Bearing in mind, I've done a degree and a MA myself, studying here despite the younger children doesn't appear to be an issue).
If you can, get your DS as far away from XP as possible and keep him away. If it's anything like my experience it won't stop, it will just escalate, and all your attempts to be a fair parent and enable DS access to his father will just end up destroying DSs mental health.

Applying for the C2 will still need to go through a process, it won't be an instant 'bring him back home'. They will have to continue with social services to find out why he doesn't want to come back home.

Is there anyone at school you coul talk to about him being away on the trip, say that you’re worried about him and the influence that abusive ex has on him, you’re worried about the lies that ex is saying about you etc, just to warn them that he might be fragile or on edge or react badly/unexpectedly where he wouldn’t normally... and that he may well need support.

Don’t ask them to push you as being better than dad as that could backfire. But if they know they will be able to deal with him better and it might work in your favour if they realise what emotional abuse he has had from his dad.

I have spoken with pastoral care and they have spoken in brief that there are issues at home.
Hoping if gives him the time he needs.
I have his case 3/4 packed which I'll take when I go to wave him off but expect and new one will have been bought!
The waiting and "being strong" is torturous.

OfMe
I've no idea how I would cope with that, I feel like I've lost part of me after several days. Chasing solicitors up Monday for C2 but even then if DS says he doesn't want to come home they can't force him. The grief is too much now.