International family - where to live? Please help!

[Confusedmama1234]

Hi, FTM of one beautiful 3 month old baby girl here.

A bit of background, my partner and myself have been together for 10 years now, he is from Australia and I'm from the UK.

I've we have lived in 4 different countries in these 10 years and have made some wonderful memories and friends, but as a result of this we have either lost touch with a lot of friends and the ones we do have are spread out all over the world. Same with family, but most of my family are still in the UK. My partners family in australia are not close.

We've been in australia for 3 years now and in that time of say we've made 4 or 5 good friends, so I don't have a huge network over here. I always thought we'd move back over to the UK before we had kids but DD came as a bit of a surprise!

Our plan has been to save for a house here and then we will be free to move with an asset to fall back on. I'm feeling very isolated out here now and increasingly homesick. I want my DD to know my side of the family - But they are all all spread out over there too. My partner would also struggle to find work over there but is earning a great wage here. Now I'm second guessing my whole life up to this point - have I sacrificed long term friendships and relationships with my family for my partner and all the travel we've done? He's a wonderful guy and works so hard to keep us both happy, but I'm wondering do I even love him anymore? I'm looking back on our previous happy times and hating us both, and only regretting the things I could/should have done.

Basically I'm asking if anyone has felt like they're living in the wrong place? Or felt like they haven't built up a strong enough network before kids? Or that they started a family too early/in the wrong place? I do have a history of depression so I'm also wondering if I'm overthinking everything and this is PND speaking!

Would really appreciate any comments, even just to tell me I'm being rational/irrational! My heads all over the place atm

Hi
No experience myself but my sister married an Australian and lives in Australia. The first few years she really struggled and was very homesick. However she stuck it out and things got much better once she had kids. She met and made friends through mother and baby groups.

Go along to all the local baby groups. Hopefully you will meet other people you get on with.

My family is in another part of Australia, we moved south for work.

I found having kids was the best way to make new friends in Sydney, I'd been struggling to crack the local scene for a few years before they arrived. Baby groups, playgroups, school - I have my village now.

How old is your DD? If tiny, speak to your health nurse about playgroups in your area.

And gently, get yourself to your GP for a check up with the Edinburgh test. Just in case. ❤️

When my son was born I second guessed everything. My DH, where we lived and especially DH’s family who were interfering and demanding over the baby.

My son is now coming up to 5 and we are still together and living in the same place (we did move away for a year but the commute was too much work wise) and things have improved a bit but I can see why people split up when they have a child. Priorities are different, relationships change.

I too wanted to be near my family, still do, but it’s not going to happen due to work. We have cut off the ILs though. That was the biggest change. Something had to give with my reevaluation and it was them. (They pushed too much, I gave them boundaries - DH wouldn’t which was part of the issue - and they refused to take any notice telling me they would do as they liked 😲 thinking DH would just back them up. He didn’t, we don’t see them now.

The problem is, once you have doubts, once the rot sets in, it’s hard to get back. I don’t think DH and I will ever be the same as we were.

I'm from the UK, my husband from another and we've moved to a third country, where ironically we started from. We've lived in both our countries, we both yearned for home. We did it, the grass wasn't as green in reality. If it were me I think Australia is better than the UK for many reasons.....but you don't sound content. Homesickness doesn't go away. I do think you should aim for a house there before you go. Being able to try out other options and go back to a roof over your heads if you need to is worth its weight in gold, trust me.

I'm in the same boat but in a non English speaking country where the local people aren't really open to making friends with non locals, so it has been hard. I have maybe three friends here.

My friends in the UK have drifted apart mainly too and my family is small so I feel pretty despondent a lot of the time regarding friendships.

No real advice, it's always hard in an international relationship I think.

Yes. Partner is from S Europe, I’m from uk, we live in a country that isn’t ‘home’ for either of us. I don’t feel its right. Partner refuses to consider moving back to uk (alwaysthe plan) until x amount of money made, even if this is at the expense of my happiness.

Currently assessing our future as a couple. Raging that I come second to money.

Whether you decide to stay or go, make your mind to it and stick with it. Make the best of wherever you are. There are disadvantages to both. Make sure you’re not missing freedom and wanderlust and your old life, rather than the U.K. itself. Having your first baby is a huge adjustment, whether home or away.