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Boyfriend's family

9 replies

Daisy20150 · 06/06/2019 09:11

AIBU? My BF (boyfriend) and I have lived together in a council house for just over 3 years, but I have stayed here for a lot longer. He is not British. He has a brother who over the time we have been together, decides to uproot from his home country and come here to get a job. We have supported this every time, although becoming wearing and stressful. The brother rarely lasts weeks in this country, but my BF goes out of his way and finds him somewhere to stay, a job and the last time bought him a car. (The whole thing of the brother coming here to make cash is laughable). The brother messes up constantly. He came over here last Thursday, had a place to stay a job, did one shift and was told not to come back. He is now under my roof. Already thinking about a flight home (which will be funded by my BF). But BF is trying to look for a job, somewhere for him to stay , oh and again a car!!??! AIBU??? To say get him to fuck? The brother brings nothing to the table. NOTHING. I have a 19 year old son that lives with us( and always has) BF not happy to contribute for him, and says my son is lazy, and hasn't got a job. But least he's not jumping on a plane for nothing and getting everything for free! I cant live with the brother here, he brings a cloud of heaviness with him and has been treated for depression, But I can see how stressed my BF is about the whole situation, and he says that he is family and has to support him. But he fucks up every single time and costs money, and now I think he is going to cost me my relationship.

OP posts:
PhossyJaw · 06/06/2019 09:34

You do not have a brother in law problem, you have a boyfriend problem. Ditch and move on.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 06/06/2019 09:38

Sorry, Daisy From the outside it seems that you do have a BF problem

What positives does he bring to your life?

Soola · 06/06/2019 10:02

Correct me if I’m wrong but I thought Council houses were for people on reduced incomes? How is your boyfriend able to buy cars willy nilly?

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Daisy20150 · 06/06/2019 10:14

He has brought many positives to my life, although I do feel bottom of the list a lot of the time this last few months. He has made big improvements in this house although it is council owned. He is very affectionate. But can be arrogant at times about his work in the house. He is from a different background and takes his family values very seriously. Will always choose blood over water

OP posts:
Daisy20150 · 06/06/2019 10:18

My thoughts exactly. We both work really hard, and pay full rent and council tax. No benefits come into this house.

His family values are so strong that he will do anything to not fall out with his family.

OP posts:
TeaForTheWin · 06/06/2019 10:27

I would sit my partner down and say 'I know you love your brother, which is why I have put up with this so far. But this is his last chance and you need to make him aware of that. He cannot stay here again if he comes back' so if he's going to make a go of it this time, fine, lets help him as best we can but then that's it. Ok?

If he refuses you this, relationship over because it shows he has no give-and-take and really, doesn't respect you enough.

SavingSpaces2019 · 06/06/2019 20:40

He is from a different background and takes his family values very seriously. Will always choose blood over water
Yet he slags off your son and doesn't consider him family and hence refuses to contribute.....

His family values are so strong that he will do anything to not fall out with his family
No love, that's not 'family values', it's codependent, engulfing, unhealthy family dynamics with no boundaries.

Which particular country/culture is he from?
I'm asking because people who genuinely hold those kind of family values wouldn't be moving into your home that you share with your son and then refuse to treat him like family.

MrsAmaretto · 06/06/2019 20:43

He may have family values but you are not his family.

Start putting your family first rather than allowing someone you are shagging to treat him like shit and bad mouth him.

RandomMess · 06/06/2019 20:48

Sounds like he's using you tbh...

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