How do you be grateful?

[seekingratitude]

Hands up, I am an absolute bugger for being greedy. For wanting more money, wanting a bigger house, want more holidays, be thinner. I know I'm in a cycle that won't stop, as much as I KNOW I am lucky for the life I have and my achievements it won't sink in so I truly feel it. I'm so scared one day something terrible is going to happen and I'm going to reflect on these days and how ignorant I was. I live in the future always planning "the next thing" or reminiscing on the past, I can't seem to live in the moment.

It's such a precious skill I want to develop. How do you take stock and live in the moment? Reflect on what you have rather than what you don't have?

I remember what I didn’t have and look at what I have now. I forgot once until dd said ‘mummy, remember when we had nothing?’.

I tell my kids (and me) you gotta look down as well as up. See what other folks don't have, that you do, and be grateful for it. While looking at what you want to aspire to.

Same here OP. I have so much to be grateful for but I'm always focusing on the negatives or what I want or "need" next.

The only thing that really matters is the good health of you and your loved ones. Anything else is a bonus.

I often find myself doing the same. I try to remember that 5 years ago I really wanted everything I have now. Which makes me grateful but also spurs me on because I know we can keep progressing to the things we want next (bigger house, better work/life balance etc).

I think it's possibly a bit easier for those of us who have had nothing to be truly grateful for what we now have.

I remember growing up that I was loved dearly but we were absolutely bones of our arses skint. I remember my mam crying because all of the lovely plants that she had grown from seed (because seeds are much cheaper than actual plants) and put in pots to cheer up our little square of concrete yard all died because she couldn't afford the compost to pot them up.

I have a house now with a garden that has trees, and bumblebees, and sweet little birds.

I remember having to choose between bus fare to college and food. Now I have to play fridge tetris to get all of our food to fit in the fridge and I can afford taxis.

I remember being so utterly miserable that I seriously considered suicide, now, while my life isn't perfect, I am very glad to be alive.

I've also lost friends young (9 years old, 17 years old and 31 years old) so I have come to realise just how precious life is and how quickly and easily it can be snatched away.

I am grateful for what I have because of what I have been without

Looking at my lottle ones sleeping face reminds me how lucky I am to have my life and more than grateful for her life too.

I'm grateful I have a job as I remember a time for nearly a year where I couldn't get work and lived off very little.

I'm grateful for a good partner and dad to our little one. I honestly have a wonderful dad but I have had a seriously shitty partner and needing CBT and antidepressants to deal with the aftermath.

I'm grateful for my family and friends and what they bring to my life and happy to know I bring something to theirs.

I'm grateful for a whole lot more. The problem with gratitude is that we don't often appreciate what we have until it isn't there. When we take things for granted, it has no value or importance until it's taken away. Same goes for vice versa.

We don't often see/say how grateful we are for things. Your thread has reminded me today to be thankful! So thank you!

I’m wondering if this issue isn’t that you need to learn to be grateful, but that you still aren’t completely sure what makes you happy? Is the dissatisfaction perhaps an unmet need that you assume can be fulfilled by making more money/ looking different/ having more things?

Watch The Handmaids Tale and realise what it could be like

Keep a gratitude journal.
Basically it's just a way to get yourself to stop every day and think about it.

Yes to the gratitude journal - try the 5 minute journal. Its fab.

Meditate everyday. I use malla beads chant(whisper) om mani padme hum whilst I handle the beads one by one and listen to an OM meditation chant on YouTube. Does a remarkable job of clearing the mind and making me sleepy.

Also, I experienced some losses. I got into debt and was unemployed so I had to figure out how to live on the bare minimum. You'd be surprised what you can live without and the resourcefulness you can find within yourself.

I lost friends. I lost family.

I really analysed why I wasnt happy in life. Because ultimately, you wanting new things ALL the time is you trying to fill a void you have in your life. What is that void? What are you unhappy with? Perhaps some self-reflection would do you some good here?

Thank you for your posts. You've hit the nail on the head for me

1. get bogged down with life and forget to reflect

2. yes there is a void in my life, there is something I want more than anything that I can never have but many people do and I don't know how to make peace with that (have gone to counselling to no avail).

3. I'm extremely lucky to have lived a good life with a wonderful childhood, great family and no big upset so I suppose I don't quite have that same experience of comparing to what it was like before (although we haven't always had a lot of money so I suppose I could reflect more on where we've come).

I know intellectually all that matters is health, it's living it emotionally I don't manage.

Think about why you always need more. Is it a good reason?

I've fallen out of this habit but need to get back into it: three things I'm thankful scribbled into my ordinary diary at the end of the day. They are sometimes tiny, but there's always something.

I'm sorry there is a deep sense of loss for you. I have found that with a huge personal grief, while it didn't "pass" it did change, and I was changed by it too, and there was peace in the end. I know it's different for every person

I think most people can think of things they dont have that they have always wanted (not minimising there at all).

For some, they will be small things. For others, they will be big things. Children, owning a home, travelling etc.

I struggle daily with one of these (not mentioned above but it is a deep regret and so is a void in my life). I find it best to acknowledge it, grieve for it if necessary, then look forward to a future where I can be my happiest self. I found this easiest to do when I was meditating everyday. It calmed my mind and allowed me to feel more spiritual (I'm not really a spiritual person but this makes me feel like I am) and able to deal with those negative thoughts (constantly thinking of the things I was denied and being bitter about that). It allowed me to see a bigger picture and create more focus in my life. I surrounded myself with people who wanted me to achieve my happiness too.

I'm so sorry you have a void. It sounds, from the subtext of your posts, like it's a pretty big one? But I truly hope you manage to find some peace within yourself (seriously, if you knew me you'd know I'm not hippy-ish at all but this properly makes me sound it )