New colleague taken dislike to me

[Abillity2019]

We are a small, new-ish company and another manager joined our team last week. They seem to have taken an instant dislike to me and have already made several remarks that others have commented on. Comments related to my work (I don’t report to her). And at other times they’ve ignored me and made a point of being friendly with everyone else.

Besides the 3 directors me and her are the only 2 managers so we need to work together/get on. I’ve gone out of my way to welcome her since before she joined with offers of support, training etc. All have been rebuffed.

I’m now at the stage where I’m dreading going in as the atmosphere is so awful and I’m not sleeping.

From past experience of having to manage staff in these types of situations, they never end well for the ‘recipient’ do they? She’s careful never to make comments when the directors are in but they are out for so much of the time. And you can’t make people not be bullies can you?

I’m at the stage where I feel resigning is my only option as I can’t see a way forward and don’t have the stomach for this.

Don’t be bullied out!! Your team like you and you are well thought of by your employers and customers alike. She has form for being difficult and, at only a week in, others are already noticing that she is being unpleasant! Before she arrived there was a lovely atmosphere but she will affect morale before lone.

I would wait for a few more weeks - things may settle. If not, I think you should speak to your colleagues who have commented, telling them that you are going to speak to your manager and would they also say what they have seen if asked. She is the one who needs to be looking for another job, not you!!

I’m of the direct approach.
She puts you down in front of others, you reply “What’s your problem with me? My work is fine so it must be me.”

Make her explain herself in front of everyone.

Speak to your boss firstly. Say that you're going to suggest going for lunch as a getting to know each other. Don't be bullied out or it'll really knock your confidence.

So this new starter is the same level as you? That is a bit tricky. As far as I can work out it's all hearsay so far. I would give it longer than a week and try not to let it get to you in the meantime.

Personally I would give the appropriate response to her criticisms. Every time. Make it sharp and to the point.

Her: You've forgotten to put XXX on this order
You: it's not policy to put XXX on orders but thank you for your input. Best to just watch how we do things until you're familiar with procedures.

Do keep a record of every little thing she does negatively towards you. It may help down the line. Hopefully the others who have noticed will become more vocal on your behalf and it will be brought to light before you need to say anything. If that doesn't happen then by all means bring the issue up. I like the suggestion of emailing her asking if there is an issue and pointing out a couple of instances of her negative behaviour. Ask if there is a better way to address these issues? A paper trail and well documenting the bullshit is vital.

Just tell your bosses she is not a team player and you have concerns about her attitude. It is up to them to decide whether she passes probation. In the meantime you could try the various things you have already thought of or others have suggested - and keep your eyes open for another job. I agree with you that sadly things don't usually end well for the recipient. If you do start going in early again could you block her out with headphones while you work?

I like the suggestion of emailing her asking if there is an issue and pointing out a couple of instances of her negative behaviour. Ask if there is a better way to address these issues? A paper trail and well documenting the bullshit is vital

Doing this will make the OP look like she is bullying the new person.

is she on trial ?..... I would do as Soola says.
I would then wait & see if she stops, if not I would speak to boss, & say that is unlikely you will be able to work with her, & will be looking for another job

stop being so nice to the silly bitch. You know she has form.

I like the pp suggestion "get up on your high horse and stay up there".

Anytime she criticises you, pull her up on it. Emailing her is a good suggestion = paper trail.

Stop being so friendly, she doesn't deserve it.

Lots of good suggestions on this thread, I cannot add to it but have a feeling your new colleague won't last long.

Iwill say, please find another job before resigning - make sure the next job is a real step up too.

Good luck .

Presumably she has a probationary period. I suggest that you tell the directors that the new recruit is disrupting the harmonious atmosphere in the office and making everyone feel uncomfortable. If you have a close colleague who would make the same sort of report separately, then this would corroborate your report.

@NottonightJosepheen that is the perfect strategy. OP, I would do exactly that, all the while being icily polite and with a smile that doesn’t reach your eyes. Think The Queen having to deal with Trump.

ATEOTD work is where you go every day to fund your life. This woman seems to think you’re an easy target and that you are going to roll over and submit because you’re “too nice”. Stop trying to get into her good books and get her to like you because it’s not going to happen and in her eyes, “niceness” = weakness.

Back RIGHT off, only interact with her when it’s absolutely necessary, don’t engage in any chat unless it’s work related (“Oh, I must just go and see X about this”) and don’t spend any more time with her than absolutely necessary (no lunches etc).

What you can do is make a note of any unacceptable/unprofessional/bullying behaviour on her behalf; write down exactly what was said where and when. Then you can raise it with your line mgr/HR if necessary.

Take yourself away from this woman’s radar for “nice” weak targets, practice your assertiveness skills and keep notes of everything directed at you. If you let her drive you out of your job, she’ll have won.

Eventually, people like this show themselves up.

You can’t control her behaviour, only your own response to it.

There are a couple of things that you could do to make life easier for yourself. It has only been a week - give yourself time to get used to her being on your turf. Forget any ideas you had about her being a “difficult” client. She isn’t a client anymore, she is a colleague and your bosses obviously thought she had something to add to the company. Don’t engage in conversation with the team about “what she has said”. It just encourages gossip and bad feeling. If anyone Trieste to talk to you about it, let’s them know they should speak to her line manager if they have any concerns.

I am going to very gently suggest that you try and step back - it sound S like you had a lovely team, and you are a very nurturing manager - welcome gifts and getting in to sort everything out before everyone got in. The two of you have very differing styles - that doesn’t mean that you can’t be a dynamic team.

BUt you need to draw a very firm line underneath letting people talk to you about her. Take an open direct approach with her, be professional and keep your perspective. I don’t want to sound mean, but I think having such a strong reaction to someone within a week of working with them is a bit melodramatic. If a manager came to me with this so soon, it would make me doubt their professionalism.

You shouldn’t have to leave your job because of this idiot. She has no confidence in herself in the role, so is deflecting her insecurities onto you by trying to make you seem incompetent. If you leave she will likely find another victim. Who wants to employ someone like that? Document all tats happening and go to your boss. She is still on probation period so if someone has to go it will be her.

You need to show you’re not willing to be bullied. Every time she comments negatively on your work pull her up on it. Ask why she thinks that. Explain to her why it’s done that way. Tell her that the next time she has identified a way that something could be done better she should come to you and discuss it. She’s the new dog in town and trying to establish her dominance. You need to reassert yours. Think of her as Scrappy Doo.

While I love an MN pile on as much as the next viper, I'm with maudebegone on this. But she's much more diplomatic than me.

I find not sleeping & thoughts of leaving a very extreme reaction to someone who's only been in the company a week. One week?

There are two sides to this - if I was brand new & my colleague stopped coming in early within days of me starting, I'd be wondering why they didn't like me, or why they'd started having for a lie in when I was told managers start at 8.

Plus, she was a customer labelled as 'difficult' when she started - because she wanted good service? Did you have direct conflict before? Was she really being unreasonable or was there an element of not liking the criticism (and who does!)?

I'd be a bit too if I'd been brought in to help a small company grow & expand, and I'd seen the company from a client perspective, but whenever I made a suggestion or comment about company procedure it was taken as a criticism and relayed back to the rest of the team as snidey gossip.
I'd be the one feeling pushed out & that would not make me warm to the team.

Obviously, she abolutely could be a totally vile person with an attitude.
But just as easily from the OP, this could be a lot of miscommunication & everyone would benefit from being a bit more professional.

Your reaction (I think I should resign) is a little extreme considering the new colleague has only been there for a week! Do you have a tendency to catastrophise OP? Give it a little more time. Respond to any criticism head on.

I agree there are 2 sides to every story, my reaction may be extreme as is changing my working pattern. But technically I don’t start till 9am and often work late into the evening so I’m happy to pass on the opening up duties to her, given she works set hours and finishes at 4. I’m still in by 8:30 latest.

Make sure as much as possible interaction with her is via email. Avoid face to face.

Why was she hired if she was difficult as a customer?!

What time does she finish, BTW?

Sounds like she's trying to make you look bad I e. getting in before you.

She probably sees you as competition.

OP I've worked with people like this.

She is going for the subtle undermining approach and it will be hard to be direct as everything can be explained away or dismissed as nothing. It's designed to make you feel small and uncomfortable.

My advice. Get your focus off her and back onto yourself and your work. No it won't be easy and you will feel crappy and maybe even paranoid about her, but it IS possible. Once you are refocused she will lose her 'power' over you.

Trying to manipulate the situation back in your favour is just playing into her power game. You do need to ask yourself, do I want to be liked by this person now I've been what they can be like? I'm sure the answer is no and deeply realising this help you to detach from her. You don't have to be nice to her you know, aim for detached politeness.

And if it gets back to you that she's making comments about your work, I would use this to go to her and sincerely say, "xxx mentioned you think I can improve in xxx. Would you have some time to sit down and show me where I can improve?"

I can guarantee she will not want to sit down with you and show you. It will totally readdress the balance as she get the subtle message that she cannot shame you into insignificance or silence you.

She is trying to make her mark and will probably see you as a threat. And is jealous of you.

By starting later and later and thinking of leaving you are playing into her hands.

I think you need to play her at her own game, ignore her when no one else around do your work exceptionally be polite and professional in front of all other colleagues both higher and lower. Maintain the moral high ground and act like she can't bother you in any way. You are defending your position that you have worked hard to achieve do not let her usurp you with her bullying tactics and that is all this is...

Easier said than done but don't let her wear you down, you'll probably.dind she back down when she realises you aren't the easy target she had marked as.

Has she been employed so they don't have to deal with her as a customer, or for some inside knowledge? Worth finding out.