My appearance is massively dragging me down and affecting my mental health

[SuperPixie247]

A bit of context - I have a bipolar and suicidal OCD so my reactions can be extreme at times but something that never really bothered me is seriously getting me down. I am also studying from home at the moment and out of work (with the support of my "high earning" DP) as I was being made seriously ill at work.

I used to be able to go 2 or 3 days without washing my hair, it was clean and if I did stretch to 3 days it'd be nothing a bit of dry shampoo and an updo couldn't rectify. Recently, I need to wash it every day as I feel it is filthy. Not great when my hair is super long and thick!

Similarly, if I wasn't going out I could sling a bit of face powder on. Perhaps a bit of mascara/eyeliner so I would look less washed out. Now I have to do a full face and recently including fancy eyeshadow even if I don't leave the house at all.

If I don't feel my hair and face is 100% then I am seriously down about it to the extent of self-harming. I just feel this way about myself - I would never judge anyone else on their appearance!

Can anyone else relate? Or have any advice? This is getting seriously out of control in terms of the effects it is having on my mental health.

Washing hair every day isn't bad, per se. Thick and long can be sorted by a decent cut to make it more manageable.

Wrt make up: tipping into OCD do you think? Time to call your CPN team maybe?

Brushing your hair thoroughly with a bristle brush will distribute oil and save on news to washing it every day.

I suppose I am like you but in a different way, I wear make up and am always well groomed, I certainly wouldn’t leave the house looking a mess.

However, I have my beauty routines down to pat so it’s second nature to me and I can get ready very quickly.

I enjoy liking the best I can but I sense with you that you are finding it stressful?

I didn't know that about the bristle brush - thank you.

It is hugely stressing me out. I look in the mirror and hate what I see. If I think my hair isn't right or my face isn't then my mind unleashes hell. I have bandages on my arms and wrists right now and cuts on my throat.

The best thing is, I'm not even well groomed. I am sat here in my jeggings and DP's hoody. My nail varnish desperately needs redoing and my eyebrows are pretty dreadful.

First off, hating yourself for the way you look is wasted time and energy. Unless you have extensive and cosmetic surgery you are you and are going to look like you!

Nothing wrong with your looks at all but it’s the way you are focusing negatively on yourself that is the problem.

We all have insecurities but things we worry about are magnified in our mind when we sit and stare in the mirror. In truth when we move amongst everyone else most people don’t notice these unique characteristics and view our ‘attractiveness’ as a whole.

Taking an interest in your appearance and accentuating what you feel are your good features is a boost to your confidence but when it becomes an obsession or you feel it’s a struggle then you have a problem.

Take a step back from the mirror. Accepting yourself for who you are is important. Yes you can do things that make you like more attractive but it’s not the be all in life and as such the things you do with hair and make up and clothes should be things you enjoy doing and not some desperate struggle to achieve an unattainable perfection you’ve got set in your mind.

Feeling good about yourself won’t come from all the cosmetics in the world it hasn’t to come from within.

Work on ways to enjoy your life then you will find you won’t have such an issue with your looks.

Pamper yourself with lotions and potions by all means but appreciate the real beauty in life which is all around you.

It does sound as though you might be depressed as well and anxious so if you continue to feel overwhelmed perhaps see your GP.

Be kinder on yourself.

Sorry I missed the bit about self harm. The cuts you have, you need to see your GP.

Look up body dysmorphic disorder. www.nhs.uk/conditions/body-dysmorphia/ It definitely sounds like you might be experiencing that. It's an awful thing to feel. It's also quite a common thing that people don't always realise is a mental illness that can be helped and you can recover from.

If you already see a mental health specialist then talk to them about it. If not, then please go to a GP and discuss it. CBT could be very helpful and sone medications. Ask for help.

You sound overwhelmed right now, and this can make it hard to know where to start. Having a new hairstyle that is easier to manage is good advice, even if you need to wash your hair more often, it won't seem such a chore, and perhaps booking a mani-pedi and eyebrow reshape at the same salon would improve your self-esteem and give you a nice break from studying. Make an appointment (or double slot) with your GP, (or contact your psychiatrist or CPN) for support. This App mihgt be useful calmharm.co.uk/.