Anyone else have a scared/shy child?

[Maneandfeathers]

Not sure if scared is the right word but anyway.

DS is 3. He has always been a quiet but lovely boy. Rarely tantrums, not into rough playing or anything like that. Prefers to draw or quietly play with his toys. Everything must be organised and in his order and can’t be messed up.

I have tried since he was tiny to socialise him but even as a small baby he would hide and cling to me at all times. I’ve done activities, soft play, play dates and sent him to a lovely childminder and still he is extremely reserved.
He wont speak to new children very easily and is very shy. He hates shouting and loud playing by the others and will burst into tears and hide with the nearest adult. If a child speaks to him he won’t speak back.
If an adult speaks to him he won’t say a word but is actually very fluent at home.

He is also scared of new experiences, new places, for example he spent a week crying about pigs because one snorted at the farm and he didn’t like it

Anyone else got a child like this, where am I going wrong?!

Sounds a lot like my boy. He’s recently turned 5 but he’s always been like this.

Perhaps not what you want to hear, but my boy has recently been diagnosed with ASD. Which we had suspected since he was 1. He’s a lovely, gentle, affectionate wee guy but he clearly struggles with social communication and new experiences.

I’m not saying your child is on the spectrum - this might just be his personality. But perhaps it’s worth bearing in mind.

Could be sensory issues, asd, selective mutism....or just very shy. If you have concerns then maybe seek a referral so you can get the answers you need one way or the other.

I have one of these ; he's 2. He's a lovely, happy chap but very very cautious and reserved. He loves the company of children. 1:1, and he loves to watch the from a distance, but he buries his head in my legs if anyone comes close to him unexpectedly.

I don't think you're doing anything wrong! I was also very similar as a child (still am to a large extent) and I hated being made to feel that there was something wrong with me because I was quiet and shy.

Just let him interact and socialise at a level he is comfortable with. He sounds like a lovely little soul

My eldest daughter was like this, I used to take her to softplay and she would sit in her pushchair with her hands over her eyes for all of the time we were there.
You are doing nothing wrong, some children are just quiet, just like some adults are! Dd was at nursery from 9 months and even when she left at 4 there was only one child she occasionally talked too!
Fast forward to now and she is nine and is still shy and quiet and do you know what, that’s ok! She doesn’t like new experiences and never asks to do anything or go anywhere as she is scared to do new things! Now she is older I do gently push her out of her comfort zone and try and engage her in new experiences but in hindsight when she was little I just wish I had let her be! I spent so much time and effort trying to get her to be like other kids and she just wasn’t! She isn’t autisic or has anything else going on, she is just quiet!! Even now she never puts herself forward at school or talks a lot, but she does have a little group of friends she is happy with.
I wished I had accepted her as she was, but it used to frustrate the hell out of me how quiet and scared she was of the world, I didn’t no any more children like her!!
I do worry about her still, especially as she is coming up to secondary school age but am more accepting that that’s just the way her personality is!
My second dd is 6 years younger and already does all the talking for both of them around people they don’t no or in new situations!

Oh and just as an add on my dd saw a child psychologist through nursery when she was three after a particular incident at nursery and they said it was her personality but nursery did a lot of play based activities with her to try and get her to interact with other kids.......it didn’t work 🙈🙈 she was still happier with her own company!

Sounds how my husband was described as a little boy.

He grew out of it around secondary school he still hates busy places and too many people ...but has pushed out of his comfort zone over the years he actually is an very assertive guy and can work a room but he had to grow those skills by choice.

Not bad for a kid who used to hide behind his mums legs and used to get physically sick if they sent him to nursery / primary school.

He is 37 now I don’t think it’s gone he has just learnt to over come x x

Thanks to all of you, nice to see I’m not the only one!

He’s a lovely sweet boy, wouldn’t hurt a fly and is always concerned about other people being okay (or his dog ) but he gets walked all over by the other more assertive children.
He has 1-2 friends who he will play with but no strange children. He would never put himself forward to play or do an activity.

We don’t baby him, but I also don’t force him to do things he doesn’t want to. For example we took him to a theme park (age appropriate not massive rollercoasters!) and he would not go on a single ride. He also won’t touch animals at the farm, won’t go down big slides etc the lists are endless.

He has been with his childminder a year and still is very much an outsider with the other children. He tends to just play alone.

I don’t mind, he’s still very young, but I just hope he can eventually feel brave enough to try some things! I am the opposite so it’s hard for me to understand why he won’t just go and play like everyone else