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Original poster

How would you deal with someone behaving like this towards you at work?

32 replies

gymbunny123 · 03/06/2019 22:07

I took a new job recently after being out of the workplace for a while. It's an admin job that pays the bills while I train to be an accountant, which is where I'm ultimately headed.

I'm really happy to do admin work and enjoy the office environment.

However, there's a chap in the office who has been there a while. He's nice to chat with, friendly etc, but he has a funny way of looking for other people's 'errors' and then seizing on them.

He only does it to me and the other person who is junior to him. I was off sick for a week and I've come back to a series of strange emails from him where he's alleging I have done some of my admin tasks incorrectly.

He is correct in that one of them I hadn't finished before I went sick, the other two I had completed correctly but he has emailed me to tell me I've done it wrong and we need 'to discuss this'.

He isn't my line manager, I'm new and I'm learning and I don't know the job off by heart so I'm finding it very strange that he's, for e.g. opened a sealed envelope that I've put in the outgoing post to check up on me and then written a stern email about it.

I don't need this job financially so my plan is to resign and walk away from it because the fact that someone has spent a week while I'm off sick hunting for 'mistakes' and emailing me about them I find strange and intrusive.

But I'm interested as to how others would deal with this? Would you confront head on? Discuss with line manager? Or just walk?

OP posts:
Soola · 03/06/2019 22:11

“I didn’t know my work had to be inspected by you”, said loudly in front of your manager.

3luckystars · 03/06/2019 22:12

Talk to your manager about it, if you can.
You might be able to brush it off but the next person won't. It sounds like he thinks he is your boss?

At least you are leaving anyway!

Paddingtonthebear · 03/06/2019 22:13

Just go to your manager and ask them if this is usual office protocol

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Doyoumind · 03/06/2019 22:15

He's got issues and it's not fair for you to be on the receiving end of them. I would speak to your manager, positioning it as not being a constructive use of his time and making the working environment uncomfortable for you.

KatherineJaneway · 03/06/2019 22:15

I'd talk to.your manager and ask for clarification as he is trying to manage you and you didn't think that was his role.

thegreatcrestednewt · 03/06/2019 22:16

Don’t just leave! Why would you! Go to your manager, show them the emails from this nutter, and ask if he has form for this/if this is standard office procedure.

He plainly doesn’t have enough to do if he’s opening sealed post to check what you’ve been doing!

mummmy2017 · 03/06/2019 22:17

Bcc your manager into this, and ask why he opened a sealed envelope.....

Fatted · 03/06/2019 22:19

Ask your proper line manager if they have any problems with your work or performance. If not, then ignore it.

If he continues, politely tell him to raise the issue with your actual line manager for them to address.

Then start picking out problems with everything he does.

Mxyzptlk · 03/06/2019 22:20

I'd speak to my actual manager about it.
It's a shame you're planning to bottle out.

Original poster
gymbunny123 · 03/06/2019 22:21

I do feel as though it's worth raising with the manager.

I've been offered another more suitable role at another place so I don't have much to lose. but i think they will keep losing staff if this goes and and the manager is oblivious to it.

On the other hand, I'm new and everyone else has been there ages so I feel they might close ranks.

But it's a shit environment. I had a job like this when I was early 20s where I was the junior admin and the senior admin bullied me and it was really, really horrible.

OP posts:
Di11y · 03/06/2019 22:21

please don't resign! at least talk to your manager, and make it clear you will resign if they don't take this seriously.

TeaForTheWin · 03/06/2019 22:25

Sounds like it might be the start of being targeted by this person.
Having been in similar situations in the past I would now literally just start looking for another job asap and get out but perhaps as he is not actually someone above you, there might be something you can do about it. But you need to act fast. These sorts...our instinct is normally to try and reason with them or to 'explain' our 'mistakes' to them but that is the worst thing you can do as they are not looking to resolve any issues they have with you, but they are looking to create stress and problems for you, to make you doubt yourself and, to make others doubt you.

You could go straight to your boss (provided they seem decent) and 'casually' mention it and how you found it a bit 'odd'. Something like 'does he normally do this?' As is this is about all you can do but at least it's getting your piece in before he does his (because make no mistakes, if his behaviour continues - that is where it is heading). Either that or keep a note of all his 'off' behaviours and when you have enough, take them up with hr. I know it sounds awful and we can be a bit like 'maybe I shouldn't because I don't want to get anyone in trouble' but please don't feel this way - bullies deserve everything they get.

Original poster
gymbunny123 · 03/06/2019 22:26

I don't want to use it as a bargaining chip re: not resigning as I've been offered some contractng work at an accountancy firm which although isn't regular and secure will bring some money in so I don't feel like I necessarily need to hang around being belittled in this place.

I do think the feedback would help whoever comes after me though.

OP posts:
TheBigFatMermaid · 03/06/2019 22:29

You are leaving anyway, so have nothing to lose. Raise it with the manager. Try to get it sorted for the next person who may take your role.

Original poster
gymbunny123 · 03/06/2019 22:30

Thanks teaforthe win, that's good advice.

I haven't worked in this kind of environment for a long time so I am genuinely wondering if this is just how offices are, or if this is how admin roles are...

No one else is like this, though, just him. I have thought of just saying neutrally "I'm finding your feedback very confrontational" although I think this may go over his head.

OP posts:
sackrifice · 03/06/2019 22:32

What is he saying you had done wrong exactly?

SoleBizzz · 03/06/2019 22:35

He might do this to Women he fancies in your role..looking for your attention.. report the creep

lottiegarbanzo · 03/06/2019 22:35

Speak to your manager, explaining how very odd you find it. Ask straightforwardly whether this person has any line-management or formal mentoring role with you, that you hadn't been made aware of.

In future, respond to odd-ball immediately, every time, with 'if you have a complaint about my work, please raise it with my manager'.

He'll probably respond by saying it's not a 'complaint', get huffy that you're 'accusing him' of that and say he's trying to help you. You can be blunt, say you haven't requested his help and you know your manager hasn't either.

You are in the perfect position to deal with this, with nothing to lose, as you are prepared to walk and fully expect to leave before too very long, whatever.

Original poster
gymbunny123 · 03/06/2019 22:38

Sackrifice.

  1. I didn't update a spreadsheet to say that I sent out a letter. This is true, he was away and I couldn't remember where the spreadsheet was located for me to update so I recorded all the details to add when he came back. But while I was off sick he found the letter in the outgoing post, opened it, and then berated me for not updating the spreadsheet.

  2. Claimed I hadn't updated a different spreadsheet, but I actually had, so no idea what that was about.

  3. Opened an email exchange between me and a client in the general information box which everyone could access. It was pretty clear from the email chain that I was waiting for the client to respond to my offer to send them some information but then - while I was away - responded to the client themselves saying "it's not clear whether gymbunny has sent you our information" although it was quite clear I was in the middle of an exchange about what we could do etc etc. So looked very unprofessional to the client I'd imagine.

OP posts:
Graphista · 03/06/2019 22:45

You don't need this job but you could well come across someone similar when you do need the job.

Plus given you don't need the job you've nothing really to lose by dealing with this arse!

I think I'd respond by reminding him he's not my line manager and had no business looking at my work and not to do it again.

If he doesn't quit, or responds in an arsey way, speak to line manager.

I know it's hard I've been bullied at work too, but with hindsight and the benefit of maturity and experience I now think, well if the situation means you're going to leave/lose the job anyway there's nothing further to lose so get the bullying dicks dealt with!

That 3rd incident DEFINITELY needs reporting to line manager as that makes your company look incompetent!

Original poster
gymbunny123 · 03/06/2019 22:49

Thanks Graphista,

The whole setup is muddied by the fact that job roles aren't clear - so one task which i've been told a few of us will do that he's pulled me up on the emails says something like "thank you for looking after my jobs" so that's another issue, really, that I don't feel I have my own job role but I'm picking up tasks someone has been doing inside out for three years then hauled up on for not knowing inside out.

I want to leave, anyway, so you're right I have nothing to lose.

OP posts:
Flyingmonkey1 · 03/06/2019 22:59

This reminds me of a guy I used to work with a while ago. He took great pleasure in finding people’s errors and then pointing them out to them and he wasn’t anyone’s manager. If you are not too bothered by this job then leave, he’s not going to leave you alone- talking from experience.

ChesterDrawsDoesntExist · 03/06/2019 23:16

If you're leaving anyway, what's the harm in dealing with this before you go? It could be a pattern with him and the actual managers may not know he has done this. I've met people before who, despite not being in managerial roles, will act like the big man to all new staff (usually female) and will act like they're in charge by belittling them and making a huge deal about little errors which a real manager would just deal with easily.

Sort him out.

Graphista · 04/06/2019 00:03

I'd be sorely tempted to go through HIS work and pick up every minor error!

What a twat!

Not sure if you know op but I'd be wondering if your role and the other junior role have a high turnover that line manager and higher are wondering why?

It's poor management of them not to have noticed if so.

My last job I was bullied out of BY the line manager who was batshit and a fucking nightmare!

I wish now I'd gone to her superior rather than quitting but my mh was already fragile (which she knew and used) and this majorly contributed I was close to another breakdown by the time I left.

I learned after leaving (long story) that the role had a very high turnover, management knew but were kinda stuck with her. This is why she wasn't present at the interview (I'd never have taken the job if she had been, no way I wouldn't have picked up on her attitude plus I doubt she'd have managed half an hour without some kind of dodgy comment) but why the hell they didn't at least remove her from mentoring responsibilities (not a major part of her job) I don't know!

I discovered a saying after that experience which is so true:

People join good companies and leave bad bosses

I know he's not your boss but he seems to think he is!

chardonm · 04/06/2019 00:20

You could leave and if anyone asks why say that it's because of that bully. He will look really bad.