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Original poster

Advice on DP working away Mon-Fri

27 replies

DreamingofSunshine · 02/06/2019 21:27

For a variety of reasons, DH is going to have to work away Mon-Fri until summer 2020. It's a short domestic flight from where we live, so he'll fly in Friday night and back Sunday night (WFH not possible).

DS is 2 and settled in nursery, I'm having medical treatment and at university which is why we can't move. My parents are 5 minutes away by car and MIL is 10 minutes away, and both are pretty good at helping.

Just looking for tips/advice on what we can do to manage the distance. DH already gets home once DS is in bed so his routine won't change much, but I'm worried I'll be lonely in the evenings.

OP posts:
Kez200 · 02/06/2019 21:37

Throw yourself into Uni work in the week and try and pull off a first?

Original poster
DreamingofSunshine · 02/06/2019 22:11

That's definitely the plan but I'm almost there with the uni stuff so come November I'll have a lot of free time Grin

OP posts:
fussygalore118 · 02/06/2019 22:35

My husband did this for a couple of years. Its difficult but we made the most of the time he was home. So no chores, cleaning etc just nice family time. Great if you can afford to buy in help...cleaners, he had two cases of work clothes on the go, each week he came home he sent the load of to the local ckeaners who washed/dried /ironed and re packed it all.. this was a bloody godsend! They even picked up and delivered the clesn/dirty stuff on a sat am!

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Original poster
DreamingofSunshine · 02/06/2019 23:01

fussy that sound brilliant. I was thinking of implementing a cleaning routine for myself so that I can stop chores piling up for the weekend like I do now. What was the hardest part for you?

OP posts:
Ferfeckssake · 03/06/2019 00:13

We did this for 4 years. Did not end well , but that is another story...
I tried to get everything done in the week so not too many chores at weekend. He would bring laundry home , straight in machine on Friday night after airport pick up, Sunday evening quick iron ( or don't bother if he has time to do it during the week)
Worst part was if something broke on Monday night that couldnt get seen to until weekend . YouTube was my friend - I learned how to do most tasks.
Don't underestimate how draining the travel is for him - try to just have nice family time.
Sounds like you have a good family support group nearby - will make all the difference. Good luck Smile

Original poster
DreamingofSunshine · 03/06/2019 05:38

Thanks forfecksake the great family support is one of the reasons I don't want to move, especially as I'm not well at the moment so I rely on my parents and MIL to help out/do the nursery runs on days I can't walk much.

OP posts:
SunshineSpring · 03/06/2019 06:02

Any chance he can fly out on a Monday morning? That made a big difference. Sunday afternoon was my low point.

2 set of clothes, so all the washing doesnt need to be done over the weekend (or better yet, he does all his washing in other place - depends on accomadation).

YES to getting stuff done over the week, so weekends are free.

Also, mine ate out every meal, so just wanted bome cooked, simple food. I'd been putting the simplest things on a plate all week, and wanted something a bit nicer. So think about meals.

Think about doubling up on some items, so they are not constantly shuffled back and forth - phone chargers for example......

Its knackering for everyone, but totally doable.

Apolloanddaphne · 03/06/2019 06:12

My DH did this for 5 years. I was half way through a social work degree and my DDs were 6 and 11 when he first went.

It was hard when he first went and I wish I had got a cleaner sooner but when I did it made a massive difference.

My DH rented a flat with a colleague so was able to cook and do his washing etc so didn't bring too much home.

We soon got used to it and when he got another job and was home every night we both found it took a while to adjust to.

It hasn't affected his relationship with his DDs at all. I had no family close by but friends were great. You get used to evenings by yourself. In fact it felt strange when he stopped that job and was home every night.

Original poster
DreamingofSunshine · 03/06/2019 06:26

sunshine I did wonder that, and it might be possible if he can do longer days M-T to accrue the hours. In terms of meals DH is very unfussy and just eats whatever he is given! I can actually see him just eating roast chicken and salad for most weeknight dinners or stir fry, as that's what he does if I'm out for dinner now.

apollo DH is hoping to rent a studio so can cook, do laundry etc himself so he's not bringing it back for me.

I'm feeling more positive about it now, I know I'm lucky that DS will be in nursery 3 or 4 days a week and I won't be working yet so I'll have plenty of time to do housework and my own time to exercise etc.

OP posts:
Myfoolishboatisleaning · 03/06/2019 06:30

We did this for around 5 years. I bloody loved it. My friends were so supportive and Friday nights were the best thing ever. Now he wfh and it is fucking difficult! 😂

Myfoolishboatisleaning · 03/06/2019 06:32

We would also visit him every school holiday and some weekends (different places) life was very exciting. Is there opportunities to do this?

MinnieMountain · 03/06/2019 06:34

Invite friends for a drink at your house once DS is in bed.

CMOTDibbler · 03/06/2019 06:46

Make sure he does all the life admin stuff- not just bill paying, but also the online grocery shop, buying all the family presents, doing cards on Moonpig or whatever, searching for holidays, and so on.

If it can be done online, then he can do it! And don't think you need to get everything done in the week- he needs to get through the door and focus on pulling his weight all weekend- so he gets to plan (and order the stuff for) a nice dinner that he cooks on a Friday when back, you get a lie in while he takes your Ds swimming or whatever after he's done some chores (he can sleep uninterrupted in the week) and so on.
I'd expect him to sort his laundry in the week

Can he not negotiate starting a bit later on Monday and finishing a bit early on Fridays? This is very normal in weekly commuters as they can put in long hours on other days

Original poster
DreamingofSunshine · 03/06/2019 07:10

myfoolish that's good to hear, and I don't think I'd cope at all with DH WFH! I think we'd do the odd visit there but also use it as an excuse to meet halfway somewhere and explore.

CMOT he's talking to his boss about it, he already finishes early on a Friday so would be able to get a flight at 4pm which helps. He's very good at pulling his weight in terms of organising stuff but researching holidays is my favourite task ever (if only there was money to be made as a travel agent) so I'm never passing that to him!

Minnie good idea, I was thinking of trying to start a regular girls film and fizz night on a Sunday night so I don't feel too sad at DH going away.

Thanks all, it's really helpful. In an ideal world I'd love DH with me every day but part of why he's doing it is to pay for my medical treatment (not available on the NHS).

OP posts:
Myfoolishboatisleaning · 03/06/2019 07:13

Very good advice from CMOT, my MIL once suggested (with a tinkly laugh) that he couldn’t possibly sort anything out because “he was in a different country”. Last time she ever intervened in our relationship. Fucking hell! Luckily my DH (despite being raised by her) is a normal person.

Ginger1982 · 03/06/2019 07:22

My DH works away a few nights a week so not quite like your scenario, and whilst I miss him a lot, I actually love my evenings to myself once DS is in bed. I can watch whatever I want on the telly, dance around the living room if I want etc etc. There has to be some positives 😆

AgeingDurannie · 03/06/2019 08:22

We did this for two periods in our marriage... unfortunately the second period (as a previous poster mentioned) did not end well.... I ended up almost resenting him as I was doing all the childcare/ housework/ life admin whilst he was away and then resenting him when he was home for being in the way as it was like he 'swanned in" and wanted everything done his way....we grew apart, he met someone else and the marriage ended....

So my advice would be to ensure as many tasks as possible are shared ( as a PP said many tasks can be done online), get a cleaner if you can and ensure you have appliance cover/ boiler cover so if anything breaks you can get somebody there pronto, and remember to enjoy the time you have together at weekends... and talk about any issues/ resentments as they arise rather than bottling anything up... communication, as always, is key and is where we went wrong .....

BlueSkiesLies · 03/06/2019 08:29

Flying out Sunday is a killer. If he can possible change that to a Monday it will make a dramatic improvement to the situation.

scaryteacher · 03/06/2019 08:30

Did this many times as dh was military, so sea time, being posted elsewhere in the UK/abroad.

It is doable, and once you get into the routine, a great divide between your own time and family time. It can be frustrating at times but then, so can living together. The longest stretch we did was 4 years, and we are still together.

Chilledout11 · 03/06/2019 08:37

Once uni finishes I would get into reading or some kind of hobby mid week. Dh works away mon to Thurs and sometimes I worry we have lost closeness but maybe that's just me feeling like that.

Happynow001 · 03/06/2019 09:29

I'm sure you got this covered OP but a reminder to have the lines of communication open between you. Not just for the essential day to day stuff but to keep connected as a couple. So Facetime/Skype/other video calling regularly at a time you decide between you plus "conversations" between your son and husband and sharing videos you take of your son so your husband feels as involved in his "home" life as possible.

You are obviously in a loving, caring relationship and have great family support. Luck and Light to you both. 🌞🌹

Original poster
DreamingofSunshine · 03/06/2019 09:55

Thank you all, I was thinking of taking up knitting so I'd have something to do in the evenings, and it should keep me from eating mindlessly.

We're having a bit of a trial this week as DH is away until Friday with work, and I sent him a couple of photos of DS eating breakfast which he liked.

In a weird way I'm looking forward to having time apart to miss DH a bit.

OP posts:
Babdoc · 03/06/2019 10:03

Piece of cake. Wish I’d had this life. DH died when the DC were babies, and the nearest relatives were 250 miles away.
OP, you’ll have a lovely weekend reunion with your DH every week, and time to do your own thing in between. You won’t get bored with each other, or bogged down in domesticity. Weekends will be like dating. It sounds enviable. Enjoy!

ImpracticalCape · 03/06/2019 10:08

I did this for a few years. However Sunday to Friday will be a killer. I did Monday to Thursday night. Compressed hours when away (9/10 hour days) which was fine as I had I thing else going on! Then wfh on Friday which was basically admin. That worked fine as it's only 3 nights away compared to 5.
I rather liked it. Got to go to the gym a lot miss DH!

BenWillbondsPants · 03/06/2019 10:15

We did this for 4 years and it was fine. You have to be organised or weekends descend into chaos. You run yourself ragged a bit so be kind to yourself when you have a minute to yourself

I loved it to be honest! 😂

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