Stupidest injury ever

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

I recently bought some new pants that were lacy. The lace had tiny holes in it. Last night I went to the loo and couldn't pull my pants down fully. On closer inspection part of my labia had somehow gone through a hole in the lace and was stuck. I couldn't pull it back through the hole and in the end had to just yank them down. I ended up bleeding profusely. I was at a gig so the queue for the loos was enormous so I didn't have time to deal with it in a leisurely manner, nor did I have access to scissors.

Please tell me someone else has a stupider injury story?

I have an actual scar on my wrist where i scraped it on the catch of the microwave getting something out. It was hotter than expected and I whipped my hand away causing a big graze. My only scar and not from something cool.

Dropped DH's samurai sword on my toe. Thankfully it's a replica and not a real one so not exactly sharp, but it's still pointy and it hurt.
A few days later I dropped a corkscrew and it exactly the same point on my toe.
Excruciatingly painful. Just a teeny tiny mark for something that made me limp for ages.

Did give myself a huge gash in my thumb when breaking apart two frozen chicken breasts with a knife. They're called Kitchen Devils for a reason. The lovely A&E nurse told me he'd read a paper collating information on frozen sausage related injuries. 🤨

I currently have a burn on my chest that looks like someone has stubbed a cigarette out on me. In reality I was in the wrong place at the wrong time at a living history event and had a hot ember from the blacksmith's forge travel a unfeasible distance and fall down my top. Caused be to flash my boobs and belly at everybody as I was looking for the fucker. Of course, no one else knew why the crazy lady started to fling her top off in public.

Sorry - now crying

LOL

Please polish these in book

Publish - not polish

I’ll give you one

Mum had the carpets cleaned and there were sheets of white paper over the soggy carpet (long time ago)

We had a 50’s style sofa that was wooden with springs and two cushions for the seat pads

So she comes in carrying two bowls of soup and slips on the first sheet, then the next and the next trying not to spill soup on the carpet and the final slip sees her wedged face down in the sofa legs sprawled across the floor, whilst still holding upright two bowls of soup (didn’t spill a drop) and I was creased up laughing!!

Broke my nose and gave myself two back eyes by head/nose butting the toilet bowl whilst being sick

My worst and stupidest one was dislocating my kneecap whilst opening the door for my dog.

Literally, that was it. No falling, tripping or staggering to mention. Just leant on my leg and my knee cap decided to pop out!

It was bloody painful and I shouted out loud, which made my mum jump right in the air (she'd fallen asleep on the sofa after a night shift).

Broken bones I can deal with pretty well but dislocations? Jesus, the pain.

Cut my finger on a piece of cheese...

Long night flight, didn't sleep so absolutely knackered. Stood at top of stairs getting off plane then went down like a bowling ball, hit every single one, people diving out the way, carnage :-)....lovely stewardess gave me a tube of deepheat at bottom which unfortunately did nothing for my broken foot!

I got my bits stuck to some lace pants before too!! It was sooo painful.

I opened a draw at a funny angle and sprained it.