I'm a little bit at the end of my tether today and not sure what to do. I had PND with my first (unknowingly) and shortly again after my second. Things got better. I work from home, kids have some childcare, normally supportive husband (that work erratic schedules).
Suddenly this last week my mood has shifted. My eldest is about to turn 4 and youngest is almost 2. They are both testing the fuck out of me and having given them more freedoms around the house I feel like I'm constantly screaming and shouting at them. They've been really well behaved up until now but they have just stopped listening.
I've realised as well, following a bit of an incident with some friends (my dh's friends and their wives) that I can go for weeks with no face to face adult contact apart from my husband and his dad.
I'm so lonely and my husband, who is an introvert who wishes he could be at home with the kids, is finding it hard to compute that I'm miserable.
I've always been quite calm and never lose my temper but I've just been flying off the handle at everything lately and I don't know why.
When I had PND with my youngest I couldn't get any access to any mental health help. The only thing that I think would have worked were group sessions but as I had no childcare for my eldest (they did offer it but only if you were in receipt of benefits) I basically fell through the cracks and was told "if things changed and I sorted out childcare" then I would be welcome and discharged with no follow up etc.
I'm just at a loss of what to do. I want to go and socialism but have nobody to socialise with. Even if I got an evening hobby then my husband's schedule is so erratic I'd end up having to cancel constantly. I just feel angry and a mess. I can't remember the last time I even brushed my hair.
I don't feel suicidal or anything but I just feel so stuck. I love my husband and kids, love my job but just feel so isolated and even when I have help with the kids it doesn't feel like it's enough for me emotionally. I have a couple of days with them at home by myself and I hate it. I really hate it. We have one car so can't get out anywhere and limited money to do so. Trips to the park always mean meltdowns and I really just don't know what to do anymore. I haven't got any friends locally and there's only so much I can do online. Can anybody point me in the right direction for some assistance or advice? Just had a huge row with my husband because the kids are being a nightmare while he's been at work and he's got a night shift and basically just had a go that he's come in and I've done is moan. 