Emotionally torn

[Pregnant2829]

Hi, so I feel really torn between moving house and having a second child. Me and oh have been trying for baby number 2 for almost a year now and we have a 3 year old. We currently live down south but will eventually be relocating up north where we can afford a mortgage. If the move wasn’t so far away I would just carry on ttc and trying for a second baby. We have already started looking at houses although we are not in a huge rush to move as we are renting my step dads house, but we are starting to outgrow it and even more so if we have a second child! My oh is keen to move but I think the priority for me is a second child, but it is tempting to move before our daughter starts school next year. I know if we were to make an offer on a house and I fell pregnant in the meantime I would become really stressed and wouldn’t want to leave the family we have down here. I feel like we shouldn’t be doing both at the same time, but don’t really want to stop ttc as it’s taking it’s time already. I know everything will work out in the end but as you can tell I’m just really torn, I’m such an overthinker and get quite anxious about these things.
Any thoughts or advice???

Personally I would get sorted in your new area and have your daughter settled into her new school rather than have another baby.

It is nice to have the support of family when you have a young child but how old would the baby have to be before you would feel ready to leave that support system? A year? Two years?

Before you know it your older child will be ready for juniors and it is harder to move (although of course not impossible).

Thanks for your reply. Yes I do worry that the longer we leave it the harder it will be to move. She has some lovely friends already that I’m sad we will be leaving so will be harder once she starts school to leave all the friends she’ll make! Just not keen on potentially moving whilst pregnant but I guess that might not even happen!

My brother and his wife moved when she was about 8.5 months pregnant- it was all fine.

Never put anything else off if you are TTC.

I speak from bitter experience.

Thank you, would you care to share your experience? Sounds like maybe it took you a long time to conceive? X

From what you have said, if it was me I would definitely continue with my life plans - which in your case involves moving. You are already TTC and given that you are unable to choose the month you'll get pregnant, I don't really think it makes sense to plan anything around an unknowable date. No one is able to choose the timeframe for such things in advance.

You are not me though, and what comes through in your posts is that you sound that you have become much more unsure about something. Is it moving area/ house? Is it having a second child? That's worth giving some thought to.

If you're sure you want both, why not put into action the bit you can control - moving house - whilst trying to make the other happen too. You can't control the effects of the timings eg this being the best time for move if you get pregnant soon, your DD's schooling etc etc etc. But your circumstances sound good and there seems to be no compelling reasons why any and all timings wouldn't work out. You'll make it work because that will be your actual situation!

Thoughts of the future and all its possible permutations can be paralysing - because you are only dealing in unknowns. Focus on your present, being sure what you want and making those things happen individually rather than trying to balance all the permutations and knock on effects of each possibility. It makes my head explode when I do this!

Thank you ovenchips, yes you are right! I’ve been giving it more thought and your right you can’t control the ttc thing. I really shouldn’t put it off because who knows when it will happen! I think I’m general though and having asked close friends aswell they all seem to have the view of just go for it, so I think that’s what we will do! I think it’s just overwhelming because we are having to move up north of which I know nothing about and don’t know any areas so having to do all the research is mind boggling!!
But I think we do just want to get on with our life. No reasons to put anything on hold really in the grand scheme of things x

No reason to put it off IF it's something you want to do. Which bit of Oop North might you want to be in? I live in one of those bits and may be able to advise!
I'd also recommend starting a new thread in somewhere like Chat to ask about areas/ general advice about a move. That will get you ideas and might propel you forward!

Yeah I did that but no responses unfortunately, we are going back to see a house next week we saw in a village in Nottinghamshire called edwinstowe but also been looking in the Lincolnshire area. Ideally I’d rather stay near to where we live now but we just can’t afford it. My brother and sister are in Sheffield so want to be nearish to them.

Sorry, I am much too far Oop North to be of any use to you (am not too far from Scottish border).
That's a shame you didn't get any responses. I searched for your message and saw it was posted in Other Subjects. This is a barely used topic and think that's the problem. A bit like this topic 'What Would You Do?' which has about a 1,000th of the traffic of 'Am I Being Unreasonable?'

'Chat' is a good topic to re-post it in - it gets read by an awful lot of people, some of whom are then bound to have something useful/ relevant to add.

Anyway, wish you very best of luck with all your future plans.

Thank you, yes I wasn’t really sure which thread to post it in to be honest, so I shall defiantly try to move it to another one 👍🏼 Thanks for responding anyway and the advice x

Pregnant2829

Sorry for delay in replying. This thread disappeared off my "I'm on" list.

Anyway, we put off a couple of things which weren't terribly important but we also decided not to go for a career change (which we both really wanted to do) as I didn't want to be doing it with a baby. We never did have a baby but we did eventually have the career change, just did it a lot later