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Have a done the right thing?

22 replies

Want2727 · 01/06/2019 19:31

My and DH been married for 16 years. Things not been great recently regarding his temper. He gets frustrated, throws things and hits things (not people) though a few times things have bounched off things and hit me or DS (who is 4)
He says it’s all down to me why he does it. Anyway over the last year I have ordered some things over the Internet clothes and such with my own money and not told him as I was worried about his reaction. I even bought a toy for DS and told him I won it in a competition (stupid I know) so he wouldn’t go off about it.
Anyway it turns out the last year he has been monitoring my eBay and emails and knew all about the toy and the other things but has waited till the other morning to throw it all in my face.
He says I am a lier and needs help. When I ask him about the anger issues they are a product of my lying about the clothes and such.

He has no patience with DS and will think nothing of swearing or hitting a wall or breaking one of his toys in front of him. He is also addicted to porn which he thinks I don’t know about.

I walked out a few days ago and am staying at my dads with DS. My dad has said he will buy our house outright and I will pay him rent. I currently earn a good wage.

DH however earns very little and would not be able to support himself.

I went back to try and discuss options to see we could get help together.
When I asked if he would sign the house over to me and my dad would buy it he accused me of plotting and again said everything is my fault.

I asked if he would be willing to get help for his issues and he said no.

He then burst out crying and said his world was falling apart and it’s my fault.

I left and am seeing a solicitor on Monday. Am I doing the right thing

OP posts:
Soola · 01/06/2019 19:34

Yes.

Blaming his bad behaviour on you is immature at best and plain nasty at worse.

He’s a bully.

justthecat · 01/06/2019 19:37

Absolutely doing the right thing, you’re very lucky you’ve got your dads help. Goodluck

Want2727 · 01/06/2019 19:59

Why do I feel like shit and am crying all over the place

OP posts:

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bobstersmum · 01/06/2019 20:04

Fuck me. Get away and do not look back.

looondonn · 01/06/2019 20:11

Oh my gosh

Reading this sent shivers down my spine

Never ever go back to this man
Ever

Total abuser

How dare he

Plus your son is so young this is terrible behaviour

NottonightJosepheen · 01/06/2019 20:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Marmaladegin · 01/06/2019 20:13

100% the right thing. Well done.

Hassled · 01/06/2019 20:16

I don't think anyone has ever in the history of MN has been doing the right thing more than you are right now. Every time you wobble think of him breaking your boy's toys in front of him - think of the effect that's going to have on him.

justthecat · 01/06/2019 20:17

You’re emotional because you’re a normal human being with normal reactions.
He’s not.

BuffaloCauliflower · 01/06/2019 20:18

Your son deserves to grow up in a safe environment, this isn’t it. Witnessing this violence will be scaring him. Get out of this marriage, get your son out of this hell, and don’t look back. Yes you are 1000% doing the right thing.

user1493413286 · 01/06/2019 20:19

Yes, yes, yes. Your son can’t be in that environment and you’re worth so much more.

something2say · 01/06/2019 20:20

You are definitely doing the right thing. Walking on eggshells about a toy????

He is out if order but don't expect him to admit it

AppropriateAdult · 01/06/2019 20:21

Well done on getting you and your child out of there! He is an abuser and his behaviour will get worse if you stay. Your little boy deserves better than a life of fear, and so do you.
Please don't see him on your own again - he is violent, even if he has never directly hit you, and this is a very dangerous time when his violence is likely to escalate. Stay safe Flowers

Obsidian77 · 01/06/2019 20:26

Protect your child and protect yourself. Definitely see the solicitors and get the hell away from this man.
Good on your dad for giving you practical help to end this nightmare.

Sarahjconnor · 01/06/2019 20:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Want2727 · 01/06/2019 20:41

I did end up lying about buying stuff a lot. Well not lying just not telling him. I admit I have had an issue with buying stuff which I am getting under control. But I am getting hold of it. I honestly think it was my little bit of pleasure

OP posts:
justthecat · 01/06/2019 20:44

You Don’t need to try and justify buying things, that’s your choice, like we all have.
You’ve done nothing wrong

CruellaFeinberg · 01/06/2019 20:48

you feel bad because he has 'trained' you to feel bad - why cant he earn his own money?

don't let your DF buy a house for you to live until you are divorced though

Tiredmum100 · 01/06/2019 20:48

You are certainly doing the right thing. Take all the help your dad offers. If not for your sake then do it for your child.

Want2727 · 02/06/2019 08:12

I can feel myself wobbling. Dispite everything there are still feelings there or I don’t know if I am just in love with the memories of what we used to have rather then the person he is today. I just want this shit feeling in my stomach to go away and the lump in my chest

OP posts:
BuffaloCauliflower · 02/06/2019 09:05

Flowers it will be hard. I think humans are wired to avoid change and unknowns, and staying with him will be the known right now. It’s ok to feel this way, but you CAN do this, you also have your father’s support. It will be hard but you and your son cannot keep living this way, it’s no life.

TheBullshitGoesOn · 02/06/2019 09:07

Hopefully someone more knowledgeable will come along, but until then can I just agree with pp - you have absolutely done the right thing. Both for you and your DS.

Have you looked at the Freedom Programme
freedomprogramme.co.uk/

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