I've spent the day in tears (yet again). I was feeling so angry, so I decided to pen this open letter to try and get rid of some of my frustration. I'm so exhausted dealing with him.
And here it goes again! Same old, same old! Today is the 1st of the month, the day each month that you know your monthly child maintenance for your three children is due – its no surprise! It’s been this date for the past 4 years. Four years, of checking my bank account every 1st of the month in the hope that maybe, just maybe this month you’ve set up a Standing Order as you were ordered to do by the court. As you see a Standing Order would not require me to text you to ask for the maintenance to be paid or when you ignore my texts (even though I can see the blue ticks which show you’ve read my message) having to text your girlfriend to ask her very kindly to remind you.
When every now and again I do ask that you set up this Standing Order, to save us both the embarrassment, me of having to ask my ex-husband for money to provide for his own children and you of your current girlfriend knowing that yet again you’ve forgotten to pay, you very quickly inform me that you have to ensure your other Direct Debits and bills are paid first and that you have enough money left over to pay for your children!
Your other bills that have included fast cars and motorbikes, five star hotels and more holidays a year than your average person can afford in 10 years. You call me a bitter woman when I mention this to you. You tell me that I can’t get over the fact that you left me for someone half my age and that I am trying to turn the children against you. I am not bitter, but yes I do admit my anger gets the better of me when I see how you’ve put the needs of the various women that have come and gone before your own flesh and blood. A diamond ring to a 21 year old girl that you’d only known for 3 weeks. Yet no birthday present for your teenage daughter. Really?!?
You have lived the lifestyle of a playboy millionaire, when you are far from it! I get angry when I think of how you simply walked out one morning as I was getting our three children ready for school (at the time they were 4, 7 and 9) telling me you were leaving me, never to return to explain anything to the children. Leaving me to pick up the pieces whilst you ran around town posting photos on social media of the new ‘love of your life’ within weeks of leaving our family home. Our lives were left in total devastation. Not only was I totally humiliated, but I was scared more than I’d ever been in my life. I’d not worked during our marriage as you had a successful business and we had both agreed that I would stay home and bring up the children. My life was my family and when you left I did not know what was going to happen to us both emotionally and financially.
However, the kids somehow kept me going and together the four of us worked through this hell. I returned to the workplace and starting earning an income keeping my part of the bargain as per our divorce settlement. It has been bloody hard work, especially during school holidays with arranging childcare. This is the kind of thing your child maintenance contributes towards, not so that I can have a jolly or get my nails done.
Our children are amazing, and despite what you think I have only ever encouraged them to have a relationship with you. However, I look at how you’ve behaved over the past few years and it saddens me the amount of times you’ve let them down. What did they do to deserve this? I’ve lost count of the amount of school plays and parents’ evenings you’ve missed. It breaks my heart that you pick and choose when you want to be involved. Being a parent means you are there 100% for the good and the bad, not only the times you have nothing else planned. In fact your own father has stepped in more than you have.
I’ve now moved on and have the loveliest partner who has become a fantastic Step Father to our children, so why do I still get so upset and why do I feel guilty that you can’t be like him to our children? Why am I constantly having to say to the children ‘ you know what Dad’s like, he doesn’t mean it’ when they get upset that yet again you’ve missed an important event or that you’ve showed up, but spent the entire time on your phone instead of watching them.
Anyway, I diverse, but its hard not to when this happens in regards to child maintenance as it brings back all of the hurtful emotions again. Although, I wouldn’t put myself up for Mother of Year I do believe I’ve done a pretty good job of bringing up our children. They are all happy, healthy and thriving. Yet you tell me that I should show you gratitude for the child maintenance when you do pay it. Gratitude? Gratitude? What? For paying to provide food and a roof over the heads of the three children that you very happily made the joint decision to bring into the world? Goodness knows if we were still married you would be paying a hell of a lot more than what you do right now!
However, I think you realise the power you still have over me. I cannot go to the CMA as our arrangement is private due to you being self-employed and as you tell me if I go back to court you will simply say you have no employment. You certainly know how to play the system and as I well know having gone down this road with you previously, the law is an ass when it comes to this. So I will simply have to continue living on a knife-edge each month, praying that you are in a generous mood that month. I have another eight years of this to go and somewhere I have to find the inner strength to continue this battle, as it does become so draining. However, hear me very clearly I will ALWAYS fight for the needs of the children so I WILL NOT stop chasing you for your maintenance payments.