Career before or after kids

[magnatis]

I know there's not a right or wrong answer but just wanted to hear your thoughts. I'm 32 and have 2 kids , twins. I am educated to masters level but I don't have a career set up. I lost my job in my late 20s (it was devastating at the time) - I just took any job because I knew I wanted a family and couldn't focus on both the same time. I'm a stay at home mum now but plan on working on a career when they're in school (I'll be 35 ish).

My friends are trying to set their lives up before they have kids. They say they want to be at least 35 before they try having kids. I can't help thinking they're being a bit naive about fertility and you need energy! I can't imagine having kids at 40+. It was difficult enough at 30 and I was fit when I became pregnant.

I'm not saying they're wrong - they might not have any problems conceiving and giving birth. I just wouldn't be able to take the risk as I wanted children and couldn't imagine life without them.

Different strokes for different folks! Concentrate on you and your path. Your life doesn't end once you have children.

Pros and cons at all ages.

Have children when you're younger and you learn as you go and your energy levels are higher etc. They leave home when you're at an age you can do fun things before they start producing grandchildren

Have them older and you're a bit wiser and usually a bit more financially secure. You've already - hopefully - had a bit of fun time pre kids. Also a bit of career track record so can negotiate part time or flexible working.

What I don't get is my male friends on second or third marriages who are having children in their late 50s/early 60s. I need my sleep these days!

I wasn't so much career focused but preferred to be married before having children - had DC1 at 32 but now suffering secondary infertility and recurrent miscarriages - If I had my time again I'm not sure i would have been so precious about waiting to have the ring on finger first when we were already in a stable long term relationship

But on the other side there is no way we would have been able to afford to have DC if we hadn't waited until my career was established first (I'm the main earner)

My child was not planned, but I did get back into the civil service about 5 yrs beforehand with the maternity financial package and family flexibility in mind.

I'm glad I did, because it has allowed me to work very part time when she was preschool and still earn a good wage, be flexible to be able there for all her infant school things whilst increasing my hours, and now to pick my career up where I left it on hold and move it forward whilst still having the flexibility to attend school events/work from home etc.

If i hadn't had a career in place when I had her, it would have been very different for us I'm sure. But it's horses for courses - mine was largely co incidence really, and there's no right or wrong.