Wedding invitation- how to word this

[Jamesonwhite]

We are getting married and already have quite a lot of family children (including our own) attending. There will be some people coming from far away who will also need to bring their children. We are happy for it to be a child friendly wedding but the problem is that if all of our day guests brought their kids then we would have in excess of 50 of them!

How do we politely say to some people that we are not inviting their children? I dont want to ignore the issue and then have them turning up on the day, seeing lots of children and wondering why theirs were not included.

I'd also be happy to accommodate a few extra kids if their parents were really struggling for childcare but dont want everyone to suddenly be struggling for childcare if we say that to them in the invitations.

You just do “To Ron and Marge’
Or you ‘Ron Marge Daisy and George’

Are invited to

Dont over think it

I always follow the rule that if the children aren't named on the invite then they aren't invited.

Then if anyone asks you about it you can just say "unfortunately due to space/ cost issues only named guests are invited" or something similar.

You don't have to say that you are not inviting someone.

You just make sure that you name only the people invited on the invitation.

But in your case I really would rethink the decision to invite only some. There is no possible explanation other than 'we like them more than you', unless of course it is done strictly as family DC only with degree of kinship as cutoff (because then it's clearer, less personal).

If you are just choosing some not others then yes people are likely to notice and may feel hurt. Can you recast things, so you dont actually need to have different tiers amongst your guests?

We are having to do the same. We are having an online RSVP so I'll add something on there about only people named on the invite are invited to attend. That saves anybody trying to bring an unexpected plus 1 as well.

That's almost impossible to do without it looking as though you prefer some of your friends' children to others Jamesonwhite . You can have no children except unweaned babies, or just family children, or just children who live abroad, but there has to be an objective, clear cut line otherwise it really is understandable that people who've gone to serious expense and inconvenience/ called in and owed extensive favours to arrange overnight childcare are going to be pissed off to see lots of unrelated children are invited.

Have a clear, objective line on which children are invited.

Could you say that people travelling and staying overnight can bring their children? Is that essentially your cut off?

You could phrase it like:
"Due to space constraints at the venue, we are only able to include children who are close family, babes in arms or whose parents have to travel far to join us. Thank you for understanding."

Surely you're going to come into some difficulty when people realise that their children weren't allowed to attend when other people's were? I'm not sure how you're going to distinguish between who's children can go and who's can't. Surely the children don't outnumber the adults being invited?

I put a lot of time into this also. Here is mine:

I called it 'Little People"

Unfortunately, as much as we'd like to invite all our family and friends children, it is only possible to accommodate children of close family.

We hope that you will understand this decision and we very much hope you will still be able to join us on our special day.

Just people their children aren’t invited straight out. It’s good to have the expectation clear. Nearly all the weddings I have been too have been childfree except tiny babies and family children. I would rather not take my kids anyway, it’s a rare night out for us!

Thank you Letssplashmummy! That's exactly the wording I'm looking for.

For those saying we need to have family children only- almost half our guests are coming from the other end of the country (where I grew up) and a fair few of these have children. It would be these guests that are going to a massive effort to come so I would like to invite their children. Everyone else is local and will have transport provided by us to get there and home. It is not super formal so no need for fancy outfits, we are paying for food and booze and have asked for no presents so there will be no great expense or effort on their part. They can all book in a grandparent or other relative or friend for babysitting.

The rule about only those named on the invitation is not understood by everyone. So be careful of that method.

It's a tricky one. Was the same at my wedding. I had to not invite certain friends as there wasn't space due to children.

But there's no easy way around it.

Jamesonwhite if there's a clear split between people travelling hundreds of miles and people living very locally you have your impersonal, objective rule. In that case LetsSplashMummy 's wording works.

If guests are from lots of different locations, 5 miles away, 25 miles away, 50 miles away, 150 miles away, 1500 miles away etc etc then there are endless grey areas, but if local v hometown is a clear split separated by hundreds of miles it should cause less grief.