Is the grass always greener in relationships?

[rollingdiscs]

I have a partner who is bright, loving, caring, and many women's dream guy. Obviously he has some flaws, but so do I! But why the hell am I feeling like something is missing? Is it that I miss the excitement of a new relationship?

Does everyone need to have a few proper relationships before settling down?

Not necessarily. A long term relationship needs a lot of work and open discussion or shit goes downhill fast....as soon as the honeymoon period is over basically.

DH and I have been together for 14 years now and through some ups and downs. What we've found is that we have to make a lot of effort to be physically close and to flirt with one another a lot or it just reverts to us being like flatmates.

He also has to work away 2 nights a week and during those days, he stays at his Mum's hose which is a 3 hour drive away. We live in Australia.

Those two days have been the best thing...we get a chance to be alone and also to miss one another. We're always so happy to see each other.

But conversely if you're not sharing kids with this man and you don't fancy him any more...and you're young...why waste time?

I think the problem is that I do fancy him, just not as much as I used to aka the honey moon days.

I could have written this! I have followed this exact pattern in my last 3 major relationships, fall madly for someone, can't get enough of them, and then at a certain point, usually about a year ish in, I just feel stuck and bored and like I'm missing being single

Thing is I've spent some fairly miserable years being single and I do genuinely love my partner, seems like lm in a grass is greener situation whether single or in a couple

I feel in a completely catch 22 situation, stay and be a bit bored and wonder what I'm missing out on, or leave and miss him and be lonely and miserable! 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yes, that fades OP....it always fades no matter who you're with. It's all about how much you want to be with the guy. If you can envision being with him all your life, marrying him and all that...well the passion thing can be worked on.

You have to make an effort though and so does he. Going out on dates, dressing up, flirting a bit...sending cheeky messages by text...or it all goes downhill.

The other thing is having shared interests...something you're both passionate about that you can pursue together.

I think it always fades which comes back to the old saying about being good friends as well as lovers.
Life throws some shit at you and if you can be there to laugh with each other that is worth more than chandelier swinging sex every few hours. (Although every now and then is still fab)

The guy is ‘family’ at the end of the day. The one who can annoy you, push your buttons but will always support you. And the two of you become ‘family’ for the next generation.
I think your love story is always more than just you.

Sun has it there...it is indeed about family. You're making a future for yourself with your partner...IF you want to that is. DH and I are in our 40s...older than you I expect. And as you age, you realise that your own family...parents and siblings, die or have their own things to deal with...so building your own family is important. Whether you have kids or not...your partner is your family once you're middle-aged.

No, not always greener. You lose some of the butterflies and passion of the start but you get the deep love and connection. Just if it's the right person though otherwise you fall out of love when the passion fades.

As pp have said, not necessarily greener. I've been with dh since I was 19, am now 55, and yes, the early butterfly feeling was very exciting, but not to me as deeply exciting as knowing that we have stood together through some of the hardest time and come through them because we have fought together, because we belong together, because neither of us is ever going to let the other down.

Because everyone has to poo.

Hard to have the whole “everything is perfect” feeling with someone you have shared a loo with.

Let alone someone you have seen throw up, have surgery, give birth, clean baby poo off a carpet, remove baby vomit from all sorts of places, be the mummy / daddy cow in “mummy cow and baby cow” make believe, spill their dinner down themselves, accidentally spit out soup, get a big spot on their bum, cry because they had a crap day.....

(Been married nearly 19 years.)