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Original poster

Health visitors

28 replies

rendeer · 30/05/2019 19:27

Can anyone give advice here?

10mo dc.

Attachment parenting which includes baby-led routines including sleep schedule.
I have a chronic illness so shan't be returning to work or putting dc into nursery. (relevant)

Health visitor attends today and demands me to go there to get dc weighed despite me having my own baby scales to keep track of weight.

Health visitor also says I need to put dc into a routine whereby they are asleep by 8pm and wake up around 7am.
As previously said, I don't work, dc doesn't go to nursery so I'm not sure why these sleep/ wake times must be implemented.

Are health visitors mandatory now?

Do they report to social services with "concerns" if I don't go there?

Can they demand I change my parenting style to put dc into a routine?

OP posts:
JohnLapsleyParlabane · 30/05/2019 19:29

The are not mandatory. Tell them you decline the service. I did.

dementedpixie · 30/05/2019 19:29

Yout don't even need to see them. They can't tell you how to live your life or how to structure your days.

Soola · 30/05/2019 19:31

The one I had with my second child, my daughter was awful. I dumped her immediately.

You sound like a loving mum and are doing great.

Unfortunately it’s luck of the draw if you get a health visitor that is supportive or one that is just a busybody.

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Pipandmum · 30/05/2019 19:33

I had one visit from the health visitor then she quit. So never saw another one except when I visited the centre, which I did mainly to give me a reason to go out for a walk. They can make recommendations but can’t dictate to you. Social services would only be involved if there were some very serious concerns about the child’s welfare.

StealthPolarBear · 30/05/2019 19:40

They do report to social services if they have concerns but your parenting (from the way you describe it) will not be a concern!

waterandmilk · 30/05/2019 19:45

Well I would not be seeing her again!
I think it depends so much in the area! Here I only saw them at the beginning and definitely was not told to do anything different! Just given advice in questions I had.
I would personally ask to see someone else next time and probably give feedback

MummyBear2352 · 30/05/2019 19:56

No they are not mandatory, you can opt out at anytime. However they can report I'd they have genuine concerns. X

CherryPavlova · 30/05/2019 19:58

No, you can ignore them completely, if you want. I never had any of mine weighed.

LBOCS2 · 30/05/2019 20:10

What Cherry said. After we were discharged by the MW, DD1 was weighed once, at 20 weeks. DD2 was next weighed at her 2yr check 😁. I didn't go to them for anything, despite doing all sorts of bits and pieces at our local SureStart Centre, there were never any problems.

Nowadays I go to the vets to weigh them; it's much easier to stand them on the dog scale!

AbbyHammond · 30/05/2019 20:12

She's giving you parenting advice - whether you want to take it or not is up to you.

Original poster
rendeer · 30/05/2019 20:12

@Soola Thank you!!
Thanks for the responses. I think I'll tell her where to go. Grin
It's more of a hindrance and it's stressing me out!

OP posts:
Passthecherrycoke · 30/05/2019 20:13

You know full well they’re neither mandatory nor can they dictate a routine to you, surely? I would be quite worried about any mother who believed they could tbh.

Original poster
rendeer · 30/05/2019 20:14

@Passthecherrycoke How should I know they're not mandatory?
If I Google it there are conflicting bits of information.
Who shit in your cherry coke?

OP posts:
Passthecherrycoke · 30/05/2019 20:16

Because you sound really disingenuous tbh. I really struggle to believe anyone would think HV instruct routines on families. How would that get enforced

Original poster
rendeer · 30/05/2019 20:18

@Passthecherrycoke My question was are health visitors mandatory.
You sound deeply unhappy.

OP posts:
ParadiseLaundry · 30/05/2019 20:21

What an absolute crock of shit.

Unfortunately this has been very similar to my experience with HV, the crap advice which is really nothing more than her own opinion. Mine didn't like attachment parenting either and was very vocally anti slings and cosleeping. When I told her that I would be co sleeping anyway she said 'well, I'd hate to have to come back if the worse happened' AngryShock

It's things like this that are the reason I'm opting out of the service with my second baby, due in August.

It sounds like you are doing a fantastic job and nothing in your post suggest that what you are doing wasn't working for both you and your dc.

ParadiseLaundry · 30/05/2019 20:25

Definitely not mandatory!

My midwife who I have been lucky to have in both of my pregnancies and is fantastic actually suggested it and was extremely supportive of my choice to opt out.

Original poster
rendeer · 30/05/2019 20:26

@ParadiseLaundry Yes, the comments she said when I explained I wouldn't be using the pram and will be co-sleeping!
It's very frustrating. They don't seem to want to understand attachment parenting at all.
Constant "advice" about the need to leave dc with other people. 🙄

Just out of interest, when you say you're going to opt out, is that from day one?

Thank you for your comment too, I get so anxious when I think they're criticising my attachment.

OP posts:
Passthecherrycoke · 30/05/2019 20:27

I’m not in the slightest bit unhappy. Just wondering why anyone would think HV can dictate your home routine.

rendeer · 30/05/2019 20:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
rendeer · 30/05/2019 20:30

@Passthecherrycoke
A rhetorical question is a figure of speech in the form of a question that is asked to make a point rather than to elicit an answer.

HTH

OP posts:
cansu · 30/05/2019 20:36

tbh the best way of dealing with advice you don't want to follow is smile and nod. Go to a couple of weigh ins then stop bothering. When they ask about routines, tell them you and baby are managing fine although it is obviously tiring. The more you make a fuss the more likely it is that they will bother you either because they think you need their help or because they think that your parenting is shit.

Original poster
rendeer · 30/05/2019 20:40

@cansu
Yeah I thought this. I just agreed and nodded but I'm hesitant to take dc to a weigh in when I bought scales especially.

OP posts:
ParadiseLaundry · 31/05/2019 07:22

Yes, I don't know if it's the same everywhere but here you get a letter when you are still pregnant with an appointment for them to come to your home before the baby is born. When I receive this, which should be soon, I will be calling to decline an telling them exactly why!

You can absolutely opt out at any time though, next time she contacts you just let her know that you have't found her opinions advice helpful and that there is no need for her to visit you again. There is no way you have to have someone in your home or see someone who gives unsolicited advice and makes you feel uncomfortable. Most people get enough of that from family members Grin

You could always ask around if you have some mum friends who have better HV to see if you could see one of those instead if you still feel like you want the service? That was what I did last time and had someone much better, unfortunately she has retired now so I couldn't have her this time.

formerbabe · 31/05/2019 07:27

Health visitor also says I need to put dc into a routine whereby they are asleep by 8pm and wake up around 7am.

How would they even know if you were or weren't doing this?

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