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controlling use of mobiles in young teens

4 replies

veryboredtoday · 29/05/2019 20:00

I have a dd age 13 and a 10 year old. 13 year old has a phone but I was wondering how much control she should have over her use of apps etc.
She is limited to how much internet time she has and has she has virtually no data she can't really use it after 9 pm and limited to number of hours per day.
However, my DH would like to have more control over what she uses on the phone, whereas I think she needs a little privacy (I do check her phone quite regularly and keep an eye on what she's going on and she knows this!). Just wondering what other parents do? If this was my 10 year old, I have no problems with the added security but by 13 I think they need to learn to make some decisions themselves.

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sleepismysuperpower1 · 30/05/2019 11:58

we had ask to buy turned on my daughter's phone until she was 14. Its a function on the iphone, and it basically sends a request to you with the app she wishes to download. it means that she can't download social media that you don't know about, and as long as you aren't overly strict (declining every time she wants an app) it shouldn't overly effect her x

FudgeBrownie2019 · 30/05/2019 12:08

At 13 DS has privacy and I don't check his phone regularly. He can download apps as long as they're age appropriate and to be honest he's not that attached to his phone. They're always left downstairs at night so the whole 'no phones after 9pm' thing isn't an issue.

About a year or so ago he made a huge screwup on social media and we brought the controls down to try and teach him how to use it positively because banning stuff isn't actually going to help him regulate how he uses things. It seems to have worked and he's much more interested in the xbox and his bike now.

Outoutout · 30/05/2019 12:18

It's pointless checking smartphones. There are so many hidden communication apps, photo vaults and the like.

If they don't want you to see what they're doing and who they are communicating with, you wont. Ever. You could spend hours "checking" their phone and never find anything. I have a photo vault on my phone, it looks like a calculator, works like a calculator and it's only when I type in a specific sequence of numbers and symbols that it opens. I can text, video call, send and recieve pictures, the lot. Your kid could have a similar app and you would never ever know.

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veryboredtoday · 30/05/2019 14:01

Thank you for your replies. This agrees with my thinking. Had a big row with DH as he wants to put something on dd's phone so he can monitor what she's looking at/ apps and downloads. I disagreed and we had a big row mainly because I intervened between him and dd and took her side which I know is not best parenting. However he had mentioned it before and I'd said I disagreed and he went ahead anyway. Will stand my ground as she already has time limitations (which I agree with) and she knows I do look at her phone from time to time - I don't think she needs additional checks. DH can be arse at times and confuses parenting with being a dictator.

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