On holiday big row with ds

[MozzchopsThirty]

How do I manage this??
Ds 14 has picked on his brother constantly on holiday, he's moaned about sightseeing, last nite he demanded £6 for a 2nd bottle of water and I refused so he sat somewhere else.
Then he walked off on his own and when I found him I was so cross, I said 'I'm done, do not speak to me again' then he called me a rubbish parent we didn't speak for the rest of the night.

But I want things to be better today, how can I manage this??

IMHO his behaviour is not typical of a 14 year old, and it drives me insane

Try a chat at breakfast with just him. Say that you arent happy about how the holiday is going and you are pretty sure he isnt either. So you are both going to come up with three things that you would each like to do before the end of the holiday and you will do your best to make sure his happen, and he will do his best to make sure yours happen.

Then you both need to move on to an agreement about behaviour. Three things that you want him to stop doing, and three things he wants you to stop doing. Clearly some stuff is off the table here as you are the adult and he needs to recognise that. See what you can agree on there.

Then come up with a consequence that is funny but slightly painful. So every time he pick of his sibling he has to stand up and say out loud I really love xyz. Same for you if you nag him more than once (or whatever is in your list)

If you can get him to feel that he has some ownership in the agreement, then it might stick

I feel your pain op. Years ago I sent ds 14+ friend home via plane!
Few days in and I had had enough.
Can you let him plan a whole day?
Bit old for a club but maybe an activity all would like to do? We found a great quad track once abroad, omg no way would safety regs pass anywhere else!! It was wild! Ds 10 got wrong for going the wrong way - crazed assistant chasing after him!
I was mortified!

Were in New York City so have planned lots of cool things to do, yankees game, shopping, bike rides etc

Like the idea of us having 3 things we'd like to do before we leave

Is the brother younger? Bickering/bullying with siblings is brain damage. At 14 he's probably trying to be all gobby thinking it makes him look tough and mature. He probably hates being 14 and wants to be 18 immediately so he can do whatever he wants.

I don't envy you. I also don't ever want to go on holiday with a 14 y/o boy again. Hope you have a good trashy novel with you and I suggest you get yourself a large wine immediately. And pizza.

Do you generally have a good relationship with him OP?

My 14 year old is a lovely lad but holidays are hell because he hates being away from home. He's just a home bird.

Maybe drop him off somewhere in the Bronx and challenge him to find his way back to the hotel with only a subway pass and 5 dollars. As Bruce Forsythe use to say... "good game! good game!"

Yes normally we're ok, apart from arguments about fortnite 🙄
He's not particularly sociable
Compared to dp's son he's a world away

I feel for ds2 constantly having his ear flicked, being punched, strangled, picked upside down
I find it incredibly boring
I said to him yesterday 'don't you get bored of behaving like this' he just laughed

@Sicario we were in the bronx last night when he wandered off, I was livid

He's not streetwise at all but thinks he is

He's 14, you are the parent. He shapes up or goes home. Do you have anyone you can send him back to?

Is dps son there too? How old is your other ds?

Don’t let him sit near his ds. He’s being a foul little brat. I’d go nuts.

No it's just me & the dcs
We wouldn't take them all together due to the massive personality differences between our dcs

Ds2 is 9

is he like this normally ? asking that as there is no way i'd have taken the pair of them to new york, it would be a uk holiday with lots of activities and like it. are the boys interested in your ideas that you see as 'cool' esp. the shopping bit ?

The shopping was their favourite bit!
I only bought two pairs of trainers in one shop, they were in Macy's for over an hour and bought loads in the memorial weekend sales

I feel for ds2 constantly having his ear flicked, being punched, strangled, picked upside down

Fucking hell! You’ve got far bigger problems than how to get through a holiday! Your DS is a bullying wee git. You need to stomp on this so hard when you get home. Your poor DS2! I bet he is tiny compared to 14yo DS1!

He’s asked you to “not speak to me again” so ignore him.

When he asks for anything, asks to visit anywhere, ignore him.

He is a bully and doesn’t sound nice.
Leave him at home next time you take his poor younger sibling away.

Strangled? That's not normal, that's worrying. His poor brother. He's a bully.

I feel for ds2 constantly having his ear flicked, being punched, strangled, picked upside down

Sorry, but what?!

None of this should be happening-you should be protecting your child from this sort of bullying behaviour.

Of course I don't allow this behaviour but it's brother stuff of fighting, bickering and jumping on each other (obvs he's not actually strangling him)

But on holiday it's relentless and it drives me crazy

I'm currently in NYC too!! Left the children behind though as they are 15 and 12 and would have not enjoyed it.

We went and saw a show at the theatre and went and watched a film at the cinema.

Also had a carriage ride round Central Park

We're at 9/11 and so far behaviour today has been much better

You must have the patience of a saint. I think I may well have lost my cool and gone completely bananas. Bloody kids, eh?

I feel for ds2 constantly having his ear flicked, being punched, lstrangled, picked upside down

This isn't fair. All joking apart OP, I would seriously be considering sending him home.

We went up the One World Observatory.

Have u been on the free Staten Island ferry? Go on the right hand side as you go on