How do children's needs / demands change as they get older into the teen years and beyond?

[razorlazer]

My kids are only 5/6 and they still obviously need a lot of help and support from me physically and emotionally too. But I just wondwre how things change as they get older. Will they still need me to be around more ? Will they still need just as much time with me? What's really important during the teen years?

Mine are 14 and 15. I don’t have to physically take care of them as much and I they are perfectly capable of being left alone and cooking for themselves, but I’m still needed to make sure they are up, drive them to activities etc. But now it’s the emotional support. My son is doing his GCSEs, contemplating his future, dealing with all the emotions of having his first girlfriend, his first job, pushing pushing pushing those boundaries between being a boy and a man. My daughter is dealing with changing friendships, the physical changes, her own angst...
‘Being there’ is as important now as before. Whereas young children see you as a goddess (bar the odd tantrum) they are now almost adults with their own strong views etc. Your dreams for them may not be their dreams. Their decisions will most definitely not be your decisions! They may also be bigger then you. That in itself brings an interesting dynamic!
While it’s so wonderful to see them becoming their own people, it is also scary. It’s a big world out there and all you can do is provide a safe platform for them to leap off of.

I think being there when they are at their absolute worst and the ability to count to ten A friend of mine who works with teens says that the more they push against boundaries the more they are telling you that they need them, so that, and trying to remember, when they are being FOUL that often they're at their worst with you, because they are secure in your love and know that ultimately you will forgive them. I remember the first time my eldest DD (now 23!!!) said "I hate you!" I though the world was going to end, then I learned to counter that with "that's a shame, because even when you're being like this, I still love you" and she didn't know what to do. (Also locking myself in the bathroom once and standing in the bath until I was calm enough to go out and not ROAR back at her...)

As you go into the teenage years, the friendships can become more complex (note, I only had DDs so can't say if this is replicated for DSs) and emotionally difficult to navigate. Also hormones... that can be tiring for all concerned.

And the things you worry about change as well! And the fact that a kiss and a plaster stops loving all life's problems. I remember both my DDs first break ups with BFs and it was awful, knowing how much they were hurting but being unable to fix it

That said, I honestly loved the teenage years as they were growing up and changing and they're just more interesting and interested in everything around them. And it does end! They go off to Uni and you miss them unbearably (until you get used to the peace anyway...)

And yes they do need as much time with you - it may be in the car driving to rugby practise, it may just be watching a tv program. They need to know you are available for them to talk to. I don’t ask them if they want to talk, but they know I’m there. I ask my daughter about her day. Most days the answer is ‘fine’. But sometimes she breaks down in tears or tells me funny stories about what happened. My son has always been very open and though he keeps secrets I know he feels he can talk if he needs to. But I have to be there for him to do that.

Teens need you more than ever OP.
They are are adamant that they are now emotionally and physically independent but they need you to chat to them, watch out for them, help them like ever before. It's a balancing act.

'Like never before'

Everyone says teenage years are when they need you the most.

Yes, the needs increase in volume and become more complex and less obvious. And it’s hard not to default to “let me fix it” mode and remember that parenting a teen is about letting them work things out themselves and helping them navigate the world. It’s also about identifying things they need to know how to do and making sure they can. The last 48 hours, it’s been how to report a debit card as lost, what to say to a friend whose grandmother died, how to hoover a bedroom, how to get stains out of clothing and how to make revision notes. I’m determined they will enter the adult world as useful citizens but it is EXHAUSTING.

When dc are little, they needed strong safe bounderies very much based in the physical, so helping them climb a slide safely, making sure that they dont run out onto the road etc.

Teenagers need strong safe bounderies around the more emotional side of things, they i have found need to beable to pull away from the parent child relationship and finding that scary they need to be able to come back for hugs and to lick their wounds when the first forays into adultness meets with mishaps.

I often say to my teens that their brains go into an electrical neuron soup that then reforms and the adult emerges. A bit like a chrysalis. Everything is so much more hightened, vibrant and in the now with the teen brain, they need their parents to hold the 'theraputic' and 'safe' space for them when they are feeling wobbly and emotional.

Marking

Thanks for all your replies. I was thinking of going full time when they went to secondary school but now I'm not so sure! I obviously won't be there when they come home from school.

What makes you think they’ll come straight home from school?!? Dd11 goes to the park with friends in summer, or the cafe in winter, plus most days involve an after school club or the library first. She rings for a long chat on her way home about 5.15-5,45.
Ds13 is more likely to come home around 4.30, maybe going to an after school club/ cafe/ friends house first, but when he gets in he chills out and reads or does PS4 for a bit: he tends to have his daily catch up with me while I make dinner.
Neither care if I’m home when school finishes. We find plenty of time to catch up as bed time isn’t until 10pm now, and they like to decompress in their own way first.

9 year old still needs me and wants to spend time with me.

11 year old needs me as a taxi. She's also pushing boundaries and needs me to be firm and show her the right way to be.

25 year old seems to need me most even though she's not lived at home for a long time , but it's for a chat/advice /reassurance.
They never stop needing you.