When did you first notice something wasn't quite right with your DC? Worried

[BringItBackSingItBack]

I've name changed for this

DC is 18 months now and seems to be getting more and more quirky as time goes by, although naturally I just thought he was a normal toddler, which I'm hopeful he still is.

He hand flaps daily which struck me as a little unusual, but then I thought nothing of it, until a relative mentioned if he was saying more now.

He isn't, he can say 'Mama' and occasionally 'Ta' but that's it. He doesn't use either daily, really. Although mama is more frequently used.

He goes through periods of saying absolutely nothing for days, including not any babbles.

He also doesn't engage by looking into my eyes. It is actually really hard work to get him to look at me. If he is in the pram and can't avoid my gaze if I position myself at a certain angle, he gets really pissed off. He doesn't 'look' at people in the face really.

He also has selective hearing, and often just ignores me saying his name. It's like he hasn't heard a thing, but DH is reassuring me he just doesn't care and wants to get on with his own business.

Which leads me on to the final thing, social interaction. 3 days a week he is with other young children and he won't play or share, nor will he interact with you or include you in his play. There is no eye contact or sharing of 'smiles' at his enjoyment of a toy. He likes to be alone when playing and won't engage with children of a similar age. Is this still normal at 18 months? I read a few times from a few sources that as young as 12 months, children should show signs of social interaction. There is also no repeating of actions, for example he won't poke out his tongue and act silly if I do it, but I'm not sure if that's normal or not since he is still very young.

Someone who's child is diagnosed with mild autism said the first sign for her was when a friend came over and she played with the friends 9 month old. She said she suddenly realised she was getting something she'd never had from her own toddler - Interaction and response, real enjoyment through physical and play contact.

As a mum, I personally feel no real connection through social interaction or play. It just seems to be missing for me. I don't think I'm depressed at all! Quite the opposite. I know some might automatically assume I might have PND and detachment. I don't believe I do, I just seem to very rationally be seeing there's something missing. But despite my efforts, I just think it isn't really normal, is it?

Any advice or personal expertise would be great. I would like to ask my GP but I worry I'll be laughed out the shop since he's still a very young child.

Can you speak to your health visitor?
I would say some bits could be toddlerness- selective hearing, not good at sharing etc. but cumulatively? I think listen to your instincts. GP or HV xx

You can do the M-chat screening test online from 16months. If the result is worrying then absolutely take him to the GP. They will probably be reluctant to disgnose anything so young but you can start the ball rolling on an assessment, the waiting list is likely to be long.

Thank you. I will speak with GP if the score is high. Unfortunately, I don't have a health visitor.

It's not just the lack of sharing but the inability to even look up and engage with a smile to me when playing. He is the same around all other children.

I don't allow TV zombie syndrome but if he could, he would sit and watch Peppa Pig on repeat all day too!

There is a checklist called MChat you can do to see if your DC of that age is showing ASD traits - if you are worried do go to your GP but it’s very likely they will just tell you to come back in 6mths/a year. DS was diagnosed at 3 but now I look back it was obvious at his 2 year check and the Health Visitor didn’t mention a thing! Whatever happens please do know that it will all be fine
mchatscreen.com/

Seems high. I will get DH to do it too before I contact the GP, might be good to have the view of both parents and compare our score

There was a very interesting thread on this recently; I shared my experience of my DS who was diagnosed just before his third birthday.

Link: How early did you know your child had autism? www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/3594600-How-early-did-you-know-your-child-had-autism

(Sorry if it's not clicky, I'm on the app)

Also a word of caution re M-CHAT-R...it is not a diagnostic tool. My DS scored very low on it but still has a strong ASD diagnosis according to DSM-5 (the criteria used by Paediatricians to diagnose).

We started diagnosis for asd at 2 (they have annual health exams in the USA) but actually the differences were there from birth though I only realised some of them when I had my second dd (whose nt)

Speak to your HV but wanted to say that my DS did most of the above and he is nine now, no SEN whatsoever. He didn’t speak until he was three, I was so concerned about him but now he never shuts up . He also did the arm flapping, lining toys up in a row (especially cars) and he definitely had ‘selective hearing’ (think he still does tbh 😂). No SEN, regular nine year old kid. Is a bit quirky in his own way I suppose, he’s a bit nerdy but we love that about him.

I wouldn’t be hugely concerned about what you have mentioned but obviously voice concerns with HV.

Completely understand why you may be concerned.

I’d book an appointment to see the GP- or if you have his red book they usually write down who your health visitor team is in that.

Try not to worry as I’m sure everything is fine but you are doing the right thing asking the question.

Just to say, it is developmentally normal for an 18mo not to be really talking, only to do parallel play (where they play as though nobody else exists even if they are with other children) and not to know their name.

A complete lack of interaction might be more concerning but those things in particular are age appropriate.

For speech and language development I find the resources on this website to be good.
www.talkingpoint.org.uk/progress-checker

I knew there was something wrong with DD1 from the day of her birth, because having breastfed the other two DC, she just did not know what to do at the breast. Her development was delayed in every respect.

DGD is 14 months old - she has copied everything we have taught her for months, such as shaking her head, nodding, sticking her tongue out, clapping, hi fiveing.

My advice is to listen to your instincts. I can't count how many mothers I have come across in the world of SEN, who knew there was something wrong with DC...and there was!

I am sorry you are going through this, and I would talk to your dr for sure.

I noticed something was different by about 6 months, but couldn't put my finger on it, and it was 20 years ago, so very little info about Asperger's back then.
By the time he was a year, others were commenting about how he wouldn't look when you spoke to him, how he wouldn't play with others, just beside them, he wasn't trying to talk, etc
He was tested for everything under the sun, no physical issues.

Late to talk, late to walk, etc
Diagnosis took a full two and half years, but by seven he had seen child psychiatrist, and he really helped us understand more about it.
We worked lots with him, as there were no supports available, and he came along bin leaps and bounds.

He is now twenty, about to graduate from an animation program, and for the most part doing fine.
He still has occasions when he struggles, but it is easier to manage, and he has good insight into it as well.

Seems just like my DD at that age except she didn't say anything, she is 3 in sept and her speech is finally coming out she can say lots of single words and sometimes put 2 together! She still jumps up & down a lot and now started wiggling her fingers she is under a paediatrician who has said she is definitely behind but does not think she has autism, I beg to differ I think she is very slightly on the spectrum, she is also still in nappies.

Get a referral through HV or GP write everything down that he does/does not do and take it with you! It takes months to see anyone so at least if he does improve over the next few months you can cancel the app rather than have to wait for one.

Your situation sounds very similar to mine. My ds got an asd diagnosis at 2 yrs 6mths.

I went through the HV and bypassed my GP altogether. She referred ds on for tests (hearing, speech, paediatrician) at 18mths.

I felt so lonely with my son. Like you I knew it wasn't pnd-I just wanted him to look at me and engage occasionally. I felt utterly invisible and surplus to requirements.

In your position I would talk to your HV.

We knew from about 2-2 & 1/2. Some things you describe do just sound like toddler behaviour, but if you're worried go to the doctor

Thank you all so much for the responses

I don't ever say this to anyone but I myself was actually very... odd as a young child.

I never played with other children. I didn't want social interaction with children my own age until the age of 9/10.

Before then, I preferred adults to talk to, but preferably just my own company.

I still find eye contact difficult now as an adult. I just can't do it, no idea why. I have to really force myself a lot of the time, and I hide it very well by just looking at something else next to the person's head.

I had a 'stimming' issue too. I would crack my neck at certain angles in stressful situations, out of boredom, etc etc.

I really don't want DS to end up like me, if it is just a form of character. DH always makes comments about how I must've been very odd. And I suppose I was.

As a teenage/adult, I've always been able to mask things incredibly well and I think I come across as completely normal to lost people.

*most people

Hi any update on you DS x

Have you considered diagnosis?

All of my three had a tick (I had one too at that age, a hand flapping, waving one), none of mine would play with other children and they didn’t really say much. DS2 had a auditory processing disorder and speech delay and DS1 can’t write well (has diagnosis of dysgraphia) but they’re sociable and academically able. DD is less academically able but normal!

The only thing that. Strikes me as unusual as the lack of visual contact. Young children sometimes do that when they’re overstimulated or occasionally when they can’t see very well.
Do you have any concerns about sight at all? Are his pupils abnormally small or is either eye turning in or out at all?