Fleeing domestic violence

[Fabulous02]

Hello- please help!
I have a little girl with my now ex.she is 2.5 years.
My ex has been violent on and off for years. Deep down he is controlled by his parents. They are wealthy but threaten him over money as they have a lot!
He has gambling problems
Long story short social services got wind after my daughter told them daddy hurt mummy ect. He owns his flat we live in- I’m just a tennant. He now has been arrested.
His family will not help and mine are on and off.
I am now homeless from bail ending.
I know my rights, very sad private rental is so limited.
I just wanted to ask- how bad is it in refuge? More likely how bad is temp accommodation for fleeing women? Can I get through this! Through my ex I’ve lost all my friends. I’m desolate and scared and any warmth or shared experiences would mean the world atm.
Thank you for even reading this.
Charlotte

Have a read through this on the relationships board;

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/936487-For-anyone-desperate-to-leave-an-abusive-relationship-but-reluctant

You absolutely can get through this, you are stronger than you think and deserve (both you and your daughter) a life free of domestic abuse xx

Have you contacted women's aid or your local council?

I have worked in a refuge, the accommodation was basic and not easy to go into communal living for some (shared kitchen/bathrooms/living room). However, it is literally life changing for women that go through the process. There is on site support workers who will help you to secure your own accommodation and if you are fleeing Domestic abuse you will get priority banding for social housing so will get somewhere a bit quicker. But it's also what you learn about relationships which will help you to recognise early indicators if you were to meet someone else in the future. It is scary but go for it, your daughter and you deserve a life free from violence and control

I work in a refuge and would echo the above comments. You have to think long term about it. Going into refuge is the start of the rest of your life. And at 2.5 your daughter will be so adaptable. There will likely be other children in the same situation for her to play with and the staff can help you find a nursery for her if that's what you'd like.

You're very brave. Good luck in the next step of your life

Wow thank you so much for all this kind advice. It’s amazing to know it’s there if you are open to it.
I have been to women’s aid, my council- tbh everywhere from my appointed social worker to CAB.
My best bet now is going into emergency, then temp accommodation (average 2 years) and I will be eligible for social housing.

Thank you again. This brightened a dark start to my day. Xxx

I was in a refuge for 4 months a few years ago. It was a communal kitchen and bathroom but absolutely fine and so good to be able to talk to other women, have some freedom again and start being able to plan. The staff were lovely.
A friend of mine was in one in a different city last year and hers was a flat in a complex so private kitchen and bathroom, I think there's quite a few places like that now.
It was life saving for me. Feel free to pm me if you want

Go for it Fabulous02. Grab every chance you have with both hands. I wish you and your daughter the very best of luck.

So downside:
Basic accommodation

Upsides:
Supportive people around
Might make a few good friends who have been through similar
Freedom and safety for you and your kid

Seems like a no brainer. Might even be a bit of an adventure :)

I work for a LA and I can hands down say temporary accommodation isn't the greatest, some of the properties are nicer than others and some are grimmer. But in the grand scheme of things you'll be safe and you and your dd will be together. You'll get the support you need and eventually get somewhere permanent.

I wish you the best of luck! 💐

I was in a refuge a few years back. Best thing that ever happened to me. Everyone else was there for the same reasons so we all supported each other really.

If you go in temp, at least you will be safe and free!
You can do this, it's not easy by any means but it is the start of your life. Good luck to you!

I went to a food bank today for first time and I first I felt terrible. But then I realised how kind people were, how normal other bank people looked! I think things be hard- I’m going into temp accommodation but yes I will be safe and things can only get better. I wish you all warmth and happiness. You must all be lovely people! Xxx

That's great news. Keep safe and take all of the support offered to you