*Possible trigger WARNING* Reporting historic abuse

[Stepintime29]

NC for this.
Around 20 years ago I disclosed historic sexual abuse from when I was a young child. I was at secondary school at the time and told a teacher. There was never any mention of police involvement.

Recently I’ve discussed this with someone who asked if I’d reported it to the police and I said no. They said obviously I still can do if I wish to.

I have no evidence - other than my disclosure 20 years ago. If it was only about me, I wouldn’t report it as I don’t think it would get anywhere. However, what if there were others who were abused too? I could be part of a bigger case and my input could help others. Is there a way you can speak to police and find this out before they speak to the accused?

I really don’t know what to do. As an aside, I’ve dealt with the abuse and am not angry, upset or bitter about it so don’t feel I need to report for closure or anything.

I'd say leave it alone if u have dealt with it. If it was still hurting u now after all this time then I would take things further. But u seen in a good place so don't open old wounds. Other people are not your responsibility x

I see what you mean, but still feel a bit torn.

Anyone else been in a similar situation?

I didn’t report despite wondering over the years if it happened to other kids. I think the cost of your mental health to bring it up now is too high.
You have no evidence and no doubt his family and friends will say he’s a stand up guy, no issues in twenty years etc and it might cause you more issues without getting a satisfactory result if you see what I mean

So op should let the dirty sick disgusting beast get away with it, because "Shes dealt with it"

If you feel up to seeking advice, you may find some useful information on nspcc and/or napac websites.

Think they both have helplines

I’m amazed by these responses . I’m going to assume the person who committed the offences is still alive OP? If so do they still have access to children? I’d absolutely want to drag it all up again if I thought there was a chance I could stop them from causing future harm even if I couldn’t get justice for myself.

Yes they’re still alive. I have no idea whether they have access to children or not. If I reported it and the case was dropped by the CPS, that wouldn’t have any impact on them having access to children anyway would it, as they wouldn’t have been convicted of anything.
It’s a really tough position to be in. Does anyone know if I can speak to the police and get advice without taking things far enough for them to speak to him?

You can speak to the police for advice.

Be aware that if you do decide to take further action, let the police begin investigating etc that even though you've "dealt" with it, you may find that you haven't. (I say this from experience).

I've been through the reporting of historic abuse and the offender was sentenced (11 years). It involved other people too.

Only you can decide what feels right for you.

Thanks noeyedeer. I suppose it’s bound to bring up a lot of difficult memories, and I guess all the questioning etc is really hard.

I have. I chose to report it when I learnt that another child was in the same situation with the abuser that had led to my abuse. It wasn’t so many years on, more like 4/5. I had confided in a teacher re the abuse and she hadn’t reported it.

There wasn’t enough evidence to convict but enough to sway a judge to give him an order preventing him contacting young children, didn’t take him long to breach it and be sent to prison. He committed suicide on his release.

I was raped as a child by what was undoubtedly a predatory paedophile. I only had his car reg, partial, to go by. I didn't report, and the societal stereotypes about males being raped exist still today, and only DP knows a little of the detail. There were two other incidences of sexual assault that nobody knows anything about.

I'm often torn with guilt about my rapist, I have no doubt he identified vulnerable targets, his method and structures were too systematic, too carefully thought out. I have no doubt he likely raped others, and it breaks me whenever I think of it.

Simply Steve, please, please don't feel guilty. The only person who should feel guilty in this case is your attacker. I know it sounds easy to say, but it's taken a lot of counselling for me to lose my guilt and apportion it where it belongs.

I'd urge you to seek specialist counselling, if you can face it. I can honestly say that counselling has helped and improved my life enormously, and I thought I was 'fine'. The counselling itself isn't easy at all, but I've found the hard work worth it.

Thanks for your kind words @noeyedeer .It's all been bubbling under the surface, alongside years of chronic parental abuse and neglect, for decades. I have an initial counselling appointment next month and know I need to go, although a massive part of me wants to cancel it and admit/face no part.

@SimplySteveRedux , be brave, give the counselling a go. I understand all too well wanting to cancel and run away. I even reached a point where I thought I was 'fixed', my lovely counsellor encouraged me to go back for two more sessions. It was then that the hard work began, for another 9 months.

You are not to blame. You've done bloody well to get this far in life. You're stronger than you think.

I wish you the best of luck.

Totally agree, SimplySteveRedux it was not your fault. Do try the counselling. Remember they will have heard many similar stories and they won’t push you to go too far. In the long term it will be worth it.

I’m so sorry that others have been through this too. Whilst I say I’ve dealt with it, I do wonder how much it has shaped me - my personality, my worries, my fears, self-esteem etc.