Anyone good with words who can help me word an awkward email to my Priest?!

[TheBrilloPad]

Background: Split up from ExH when pregnant due to DV. I attend church every week, alone. My baby is getting Christened next weekend. My priest does not know my personal life, and wouldn't know I left ExH.

I have been to recent Christenings where the priest has talked about the sacrament of baptism and linked it to the sacrament of marriage, how both are joyful etc. And another one where he talked about the love of the parents and the love in the family etc. So I want to email my priest and say "hi, I left my husband due to DV when pregnant and he will be there, but we aren't together. Can you please be sensitive of this and not mention anything about marriage/love etc in your sermon?"

How do I phrase that so I don't sound self obsessed like I want him to word the sermon so it doesn't offend/upset me, and so I also don't imply he's a totally insensitive buffoon who needs to be told what to do?? He's a very old school Catholic priest in his 70s.

Is the baptism just your child or a group one in a regular service because if it is a group one he.may be less amenable to changing the standard service.

I'm thinking of just not saying anything, and letting the priest believe we are still married and he can chat away about love and marriage. It's an hour of awkwardness, then it's over.

To be honest, that's what I'd do. In my experience, marriage references themselves tend to just be comparisons of happiness, and all the other stuff about the love in the family and all that is still true - you and your ex DH do both love her, you're just not together. I appreciate that it might be hard for you to hear, though.

Given that he will be there with his family and you can't change the parish or see him before to explain, I think it might be easier to just see this out to get the baptism done where and when you want it done.

Send the email with changes set out by LemonTT. If it’s important to you it’s important to share it with your priest. I find most priests appear stuffy but one to one are very approachable and only want the best. The church, although mind numbingly slow, are starting to catch up on how society and relationships are changing and I think if you are choosing the sacrament of baptism for your child that you should be able to celebrate that moment with them without increasing the awkwardness by keeping quiet.

I'm not Catholic so feel to ignore but I don't see what's wrong with emailing him. My understanding of the role a Priest is meant to play in people's live is that they are there to offer support and guidance to help people navigate problems. So I would think a brief, factual outline of your situation would bd appropriate and I would hope that the Priest would respond with care and a wish to help you.

I think op, if you struggle to communicate other than face to face, but won't do this face to face then email is your only answer.

Just email him and say to let you know my husband and I have sperapted due to domestic violence.

I think he will be sensible enough to change his sermon accordingly. Don't pretend you're still together, that just makes a mockery of the whole thing.

Send the email. Just write it straight and simply.

'Dear Priest, you are baptising my DC on blah date. DH and I are no longer together due to dv and I think you should be aware of this matter before the service. Best wishes etc'. Job done, send.

You need to talk to him in person, that kind of thing shouldn't be emailed.

I believe you need to speak to him, ask for his help, with both the separation and christening. I am not religious but had a neighbour who was a vicar ( C of E), I asked for his help, even tho not part of his congregation or parish, he offered me advice, patience and guidance.
Neither God nor your priest would want you to be unhappy or anxious at an event where your child is being accepted into your faith.
Please just talk to him, I’m sure all will be well as none of this is your/your child’s fault.
Love and hugs

Dear Priest X,

Very much looking forward to my DC christening this weekend, however I just wanted to make you aware before this event that my husband and I are now separated.
I had to make this decision whilst pregnant due to domestic violence. I am sure you appreciate how difficult this is for me to talk about however I appreciate your support at this difficult time.

Many thanks

I would just write a small letter to the priest, it's more personal. I am old school.and like writing letters. especially concerning an issue like you have. A letter will likely be kept,and imprinted on the person's mind,instead of reading through a list of emails that the priest may have to go through.

I agree that face to face is better, but understand that for lots of reasons, that isn't possible.

I wouldn't just ignore the issue, in your position. I would send a simple email.

Dear Father,
As we prepare for (name)'s Christening, I am aware that you might not fully understand our family situation.
Husband and I have been separated for a number of months due to his abusive behaviour. We are both committed to the Christening and therefore will both be in attendance.
I wanted you to be aware of the situation, and trust that you will be sensitive to it.
Yours sincerely,

I don't see why all the angst over an email. Sure it would be easier to do it face to face but its not really a problem if you can't.

You explained it well in your op, just say that and explain that you are a bit embarrassed about it all, and could he not mention x and y.

Trust me, we've heard/seen it all before (I'm obviously not Catholic as I'm female, but am a pastor in a different denomination). I've had 3 women come to see me about DV in the last month alone.
Just email him and explain the situation. "Dear Father, with the baptism coming up I thought I should let you know about our family situation... etc etc.
We are both attending and are both committed to the baptism, but I thought you should know. Anything you can do to help make things less awkward would be appreciated"
Short and to the point. You have nothing to be ashamed of or to hide - this is your ex's shame not yours.

I've been to loads of catholic baptisms. I don't think love and marriage has ever been mentioned. Or if it has. Only in the context of parents being the first teachers of their child.

Is it only you ex dh family that attend that church or do some of your family attend? If so get them to speak in person to the priest?

Could you write a letter?. I think emails are more likely to get missed