How does a step parent adopt child?

[MummyCool19]

Dc haven’t seen their “dad” in a year. Have tried but due to him not given a crap about them he hasn’t bothered. He’s a vile bully who has done nothing but threaten to kill me, my husband and ruin our lives. Police are next to useless.

Me and dh have decided to go down adoption route. Anxiety about me dying and them being forced to live with him terrify me. Dc are 11&9 and see their sf as their dad. He has been in their lives 6 years. Longer than their “dad”

How do we do it? Ex has said he wants to sign the kids over.

I don't know but my I was adopted by my step dad (who is just Dad to me) I'm so happy he's been my father for the last 45 years. I do remember going to the family court to meet my mum. I was only 2.
I hope it all goes smoothly.

You need to contact your local social services. Its not as simple as just 'signing them over' although if the birth dad is in agreement it shouldnt be too difficult If you look on your LA website for step parent adoption

www.gov.uk/child-adoption/adopting-a-stepchild

Me and dh have decided to go down adoption route. Anxiety about me dying and them being forced to live with him terrify me.

Is there not another way? You could have the same anxiety if you split with your DH and he is parent to your children :/

Does your ex have PR? If so, he would need to legally give this up. If he agreed, your husband could apply to adopt your children.
If he won't, you would have to take him to court to pursue him to void his PR for the children. You would have to have incredibly strong grounds and a hell of a lot of evidence to support it.

He’s willing to give PR up so I don’t claim csa 😑 numerous messages saying he doesn’t want the dc, that he will happily sign them over, that he regrets them etc.

How much does it cost roughly?

We did a step parent adoption.

I don’t think SS will necessarily consider it after ‘only’ a year of no contact. We had 5 before we applied and they did warn me that embarking on the process often prompted contact from the absent parent and usually requests for contact start again, so we had to take that in to consideration.

SS advised us that they would always look at other ways that can achieve the same goal, but without severing relationships with the biological family. Things like giving your DH parental responsibility, for example.

Like you, I had anxieties that I would die and my DC would potentially not end up where I would want them to (I.e with DH and my other DC).

It was a nerve wracking process but it went smoothly (except for the fact that bio dad claimed he couldn’t leave the house to sign the papers 🙄, meaning my SW had to live heaven and earth to get somebody to the house - difficult when you’re 2.5hrs away).

It’s been worth it though. We don’t live in fear of him foisting himself in to our lives when his next relationship breaks down and he decides pretending to be a father would fill the time until the next one...plus my DH is her father. No doubt about it.

The process didn’t cost us anything (financially- emotionally it was tough!) but took almost 18mo.

Sorry - it’s not as simple as ‘signing them over’. They have to meet with SS and actively participate in the process. SS need to make sure they understand what it means to give up PR and explore the reasons why.

They don’t just slide a paper across and say ‘sign here’

My understand is/was that if they don’t engage in the process, even if they’ve given their verbal agreement, then it would be down to a judge to make the order without their input and they apparently very rarely order the adoption in those circumstances.

Your DP can apply for parental responsibility without adopting them. If their birth father agrees that would safeguard them for the future if they wanted to stay with your partner.