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Another 'is this stealing or not' thread

13 replies

alltoomuchrightnow · 26/05/2019 17:54

I know there's another current one about lady and cactus but was going to write mine anyway before reading that one.
A few years ago, my best friend was asked to leave a group because of alleged stealing . For context let's say a nature based type of group for social and worship . They had like a shrine/ altar to represent parts of nature eg flowers, crystals, little effigies etc. Friend left in fury and I was outraged on her behalf. Had been thinking of joining them myself but vowed to have nothing to do with them after this.
However in the years since..she's become something of a klepto/magpie. She says she didn't take anything from this group but I've been with her when she's taken items from similar (identical really) settings
eg we went on a workshop in similar vein to this group , they had decorated items that we made when there and when we were leaving she slipped on in her pocket that someone else had decorated. Didn't ask if anyone wanted it or was it ok to take , just walked out with it. We then went on to an outdoor shrine type of place (this was Glastonbury so if you go there regularly you'd understand the sort of place) and again slipping all sorts into her pocket straight off the 'shrines'. I did make a comment as this was a place where people could go and sit, meditate or just enjoy the surrounding and it's not going to work if people keep removing objects. It's a place of trust as it's not usually manned. So people decorate for others to enjoy. eg items to represent Spring, or Summer, etc to celebrate the seasons.
Yesterday we were on a day out and came across an old chapel that's being done up but the outside open to public as place of contemplation. Lots of flowers and plants as the garden has been restored. She started pulling bits off plants and then I asked what she was doing and she started moaning saying I have nothing to dig with..she was trying to unearth an entire plant to take home. I questioned it and she said oh it's just one plant, I'll replant it at home, it's not stealing. I said yes but imagine if everyone took from this tiny flower bed..and it's National Trust.. (my DP pays yearly membership) so the building is now owned again, it's really not a free for all...everyone would like to see the flowers here, not empty beds.. she left the plant but then stuffed her pockets with several broken tiles that were off the original roof of the chapel (that had just been left on the ground). A bit odd to me but I guess no one would want them..but it's part of that buildings history and surely should be left with it?
But am I just as bad.. like I wouldn't dream of taking plants or from a public place of worship for eg..but in the past on beaches I've taken loads of driftwood, pebbles, seaglass, shells, I made things with them. You could say that's a place of 'natural worship' too in a way and what would happen if everyone took them.
But the way she takes items off what (in her path) are shrines/ altars, I do wonder re the groups allegations.

OP posts:
RebootYourEngine · 26/05/2019 18:00

Taking things from shrines is seriously disrespectful.

Your friend either has a problem or is just a selfish bitch. I would be cutting her from my life. I wouldnt feel comfortable incase she stole something from me.

alltoomuchrightnow · 26/05/2019 18:05

Yes that is the word I'm looking for , disrespectful.
I realise I am a bit of a hypocrite as would take a pretty pebble from the beach and in future I am going to leave any I find. But something someone had handpainted and maybe put a message on for all to read at a shrine..to me is disrespect. And she'd be the first to say that if someone else did it..she's left other groups because of others not showing respect and manners!
I know she'd never steal from me. She seems to think things like shrines are free for all as there for everyone and unguarded. But the group that chucked her out..those items were actually quite valuable (not that that's the point) and not public. I don't know if she did it but it's got me thinking.. and why did they immediately think it was her.. they did see her picking up things on it is all I know
I get the impression that she thinks the items will help her in some way. I try to gently explain that with her always going on about 'karma' etc, it's probably not a good idea

OP posts:
alltoomuchrightnow · 26/05/2019 18:07

What gets me is that we walked to some famous trees yesterday, her pockets full of these tiles and plant clippings, falling out everywhere, and then she remarked how disgusting it was people had carved on the trees...as ruined it for others and was disrespectful to a special place

OP posts:
LoafofSellotape · 26/05/2019 18:10

She has a big problem.

FiremanKing · 26/05/2019 18:14

Make sure your coffins closed at your funeral else she’ll be trousering your jewellery.

Obviouspretzel · 26/05/2019 19:05

How is this an "is this stealing or not" thread? Surely there's no dispute for this one, clearly she's stealing. From a shrine no less.

alltoomuchrightnow · 26/05/2019 19:07

Good point. Obvious.
To her , she seems to think fair game as it's not from a shop.

OP posts:
BMW6 · 26/05/2019 19:34

Taking anything that belongs to someone or something else = Stealing

Tell her to keep her thieving mitts off

alltoomuchrightnow · 26/05/2019 19:36

Just realising why her garden is such an eclectic mishmash.. (nothing wrong with that in itself) but.. I think they are just plants taken from all over the place

OP posts:
OddCat · 26/05/2019 19:40

Taking a pebble from a beach isn't the same thing as taking things from a shrine and certainly not the same as digging up plants!

Chocmallows · 26/05/2019 19:42

If she found a tile/pebble dropped in her pocket/bag and didn't take it back I would say fine as one-off accident, but she is knowingly repeatedly removing items that are shared items. No signs saying help yourself!

Distance yourself asap.

alltoomuchrightnow · 26/05/2019 19:48

Wonder if it's related to her hoarding thing as she's quite a hoarder and stock piler. Eg she'll spend hundreds in Costco on things she doesn't even want really and will then be dodging it stacked up in her already crammed home (she's taken to putting stuff in her garden like food items) Wonder if its a sort of mental illness but that's actually a field she works in . I did see some odd shit in her garden yesterday as she'd ran out of room indoors I guess.
And she will take stuff just for the sake of it. Like at a canal festival she filled a bag with 100s of leaflets and business cards for local stuff. She's not local and won't ever read through them. I actually said to her why take them as you know you're not interested in any of these services . She just shrugs. It was like she enjoyed the act of going from stall to stall taking the cards. I just said why not leave them for someone who will use them. So her house is rammed but the worst of it is anything paper related. You can't say anything re hoarding as she gets angry (her kids have tried)....I don't think she's a true hoarder though as collects things up and fills her house but she does part with stuff, she regularly has clear outs to charity or tip but then fills up again

OP posts:
alltoomuchrightnow · 26/05/2019 19:50

yes Choc it's like she's a hippie klepto tourist as in we visit certain 'spiritual' sites and she has to take something from each of them. If she can't find something natural like a feather, she will take things people have left there for a purpose (or bizarre stuff like broken muddy roof tiles)

OP posts:
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