Women are happier without children or a spouse, says happiness expert

[Bumpdebump]

Thought this was interesting.

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/may/25/women-happier-without-children-or-a-spouse-happiness-expert

It's a two minute read.

I can recommend it

And yet women are told marriage is an achievement and men are not. It;s almost like a conspiracy.

I find it really worrying that women report happiness around their husbands and misery when they are out of the room. Fucking hell.

This has reminded me of this long lived woman and what she said

hackspirit.com/109-year-old-woman-reveals-number-one-secret-living-long-healthy-life/

I find it really worrying that women report happiness around their husbands and misery when they are out of the room.

I think men would do the same. It’s a bit insensitive to say to someone you aren’t happy being married to them unless you want to leave them.

At times, there is no problem with the spouse.. it’s just the extra responsibilities and pressure is too much.

No I disagree. My husband and kids make me happy. I'd never choose to go back to single and childless. I'm not miserable when he's not in the room but I prefer us all being together.

Interestingly the only women in my family (and DH’s) that lived past 90 are the ones who didn’t marry or have kids. The ones who did all went in their mid 70s. I’m sure it’s connected

It can't be the same for everyone though, there isn't a one size fits all.

I do accept that marriage and kids do usually curb a woman's freedom and finances in a way that it doesn't for men. Also, I read somewhere that for women who have married and has children their 80's was their happiest adult decade as it was by that time that their husbands had died and they were no longer required for babysitting grandchildren. Basically, the first time in their adult lives that their time is their own.

I'm definitely happier without a spouse, I have had two so I know!

Way happier with my kids than I ever was without them. They're the best thing that ever happened to me by a billion miles.

I’ve never been happier since I divorced. Marriage to the wrong person was disastrous for me physically, mentally and financially. I adore my DD and DGC but I have to say the worry about your children never ends no matter how old they are which can be extremely distressing at times, so I can well imagine being unmarried and not having children is beneficial in very many ways.

Easily happier without a spouse/partner.

Completely happy with my DD, only regret I could only have one.

Interesting opinion given the weighting society puts on being part of a couple.

I have read studies about nuns living a long time also but thought was to do with the sense of calm, community etc. Does make you think though.

For me...the happiest league table goes like this.

1. Happy relationship
2. Single
3. Unhappy relationship

This has been known for a while I think?

The whole women are desperate to settle down, catch a man, have loads of kids etc while men are not into all that. It's a reversal. We do much better off on our own (assuming we have enough money - another trap!) than men. Women seem much more likely to split up when they are unhappy, men seem to wait until they have another woman lined up. Massive generalisations obv but I see this in my day to day life. I think they "need" us more than vice versa.

Bloody hell, no spouse and no children here, and this is as good as it gets?! I want a refund on life and my only consolation has been "never mind, soon be dead" and now even thats no right?! Fuck me, I regret clicking on the thread now

@Hefzi you could have your life but skivvying around after an ungrateful arse as well, which I suspect is why so many women are unhappy.

My DH does more than his share so I'm happy.

There are times I think it would be nice to be married. But I'm getting better at dealing with spiders myself, so it's happening less often.

No kids or spouse here - I don’t want kids or marriage, but the lack of a relationship is not entirely through choice. I just haven’t met anyone that I want a relationship with, or that wants one with me. However. I’ve made a conscious choice to centre myself and make life as brilliant as it can be for me, attend to my needs as my first priority and set goals around the assumption I’ll be single forever. And it is fantastic!

@MrsTerryPratchett you are so right! A bad relationship is much, much worse than no relationship - and seem to be so common perhaps I should stop reading the relationships board

This analysis relies on averages, of course - we all know happy married women with children and unhappy single childless women. But I must admit that as a 40-something single, childless and happy woman it has given me a nice warm feeling

Yep, I was happier child free and living on my own.

I have namechanged for this post.

I agree an unhappy relationship must be the pits, and being single is preferable to this.

However, I am writing this as a nearly 40 year old woman who has never had a partner. I don’t quite know why, other than to say it is something that becomes harder to access as the years go on - I’ve tried online dating and the usual methods but it hasn’t worked.

I’m sure on the surface my life looks enviable and I think there was some truth in that once. I got a mortgage and a small house and after work it was my sanctuary.

Some of the things I’ve missed out on - God, where to start. Enjoyable sex, where you learn about one another’s bodies and grow comfortable with one another. Rites of passage of hen nights and marriage and babies with friends. I’m sure someone will say it could still happen and possibly but I have still missed out on doing it with my own friendship circle.

And what of friends? Well, it’s difficult to continue relationships with them once they have children. I like children but the entirely natural need for their worlds to revolve around them means I simply can’t have a real social life. Of course, this means my world becomes smaller and smaller and it has, now, by the end of this decade taking me from 30 to 40.

I have tried to get out of my rut. I travelled alone and found it nice to be somewhere warm but was conscious I could not ‘really’ enjoy it. When the weather is nice I find it difficult to enjoy it because I’m so conscious of being alone. Truth be told, I’m desperate for a husband who loves me and for babies. I will probably not have either and it isn’t a happy existence. It’s a cold, lonely and pointless one - for me, I am sure others feel differently.