MIL - beyond nasty

[flumpybear]

What is it with my bloody MIL?! I'm so cross, we used to be friendly with my PIL's and when we settled down and had children my MIL just became grumpy, nasty, very judgemental about us and my close friends, literally NOTHING we do is acceptable, if I have a real sort out of the house, we sort the garden, i plant a load of pots with annual flowers - literally everything is moaned at 'why plant pots they dry out and you'll never water them you always forget (rubbish!)' or if the garden is weed free and what we call acceptable then oh well the cats will ruin it, or weeds will grow back because you left the last weeds too long, or I don't know whSt you have cats, we used to drown them
On my grandparents farm when I was a
Child, god this carpet is 'filthy' (it was a few weeks old!! Yes the cat had found a warm
Spot so it was a little bit fluffy but it certainly wasn't filthy - she loves to bandy the words disgusting and filthy around - I was cleaning the windows once and she screeched 'god what's wrong with the windows (few smears I was dealing with - but they were spotless) - and proceeded to get to work recleanjng it for me (l let her - cow!) - I wouldn't mind so much Bw we have a team of cleaners x3 per month to literally blitz our home ffs
Anyway we've had the odd argument and it's never really got better, I've avoided and continue to do so but just be nice and civil in her presence, let the kids visit them and I go from time to time too, we get on with things

Anyway this weekend my little boy (just 7) told he she says horrible things to him and asked me why she's like this - so apparently she's told him 'why are you always dirty?' - he is a very boyish boy who plays outside a lot but he's not dirty, he has a bath or shower every other day sometimes every day if he's been extra active, also says in front of him 'this house (our home) is awful/filthy/ everything is broken ... he even said to her grandma you make me sad and she got grumpy and told him well it makes me sad too

I'm beside myself thst she's not winding her neck in and just being nice to my little kids - DD is Bit older and keeps telling me 'grandma
Is just a grump mum' but I'm seething 😤

My DH is going to start become more hands on with this but she's unfortunately one of those who whispers things to her husband or my children or mutters under her breath

Sorry, rant over I needed to get that out

Please tel me I'm not alone

@mimibunz - in theory sounds excellent but we've done this before (excluding the limiting contact ad it's very threatening to be honest but now kids are involved it doesn't shift it up a gear)

Before she's just kept saying 'your standards aren't as high as mine ' (cow!!! Yes perhaps a bit but were clean,
Just a Bit cluttered and considering I get up and go out, Home time I cook for the kids, the adults and get ready for bed and DH exercises evenings then does homework, I exercise mornings ... we literally cram a day in and keep to the basics of being tidy yet get cleaners in for proper clean regularly (every 1-2 weeks).

I'd love to say to her 'perhaps my cleanliness isn't up to your standard but your rudeness is disgraceful and I'd rather
Be a bit untidy than fucking downright rude and a
Complete cow

She's mid 70s now, is it possible that this is dementia? It often announces itself with personality changes.

My mother took to sitting with the paper insisting on reading out every miserable thing she could, to get a rise. She was the most unimaginable shit to my eldest niece when she got engaged, it was just vile.

As the dementia worsened, she got less horrific, but it was a really tough couple of years, and we all had a pretty good idea what was going on.

@Bluemascara4 - DH
And siblings do pull her up but I think they need FIL to step up but he's too weak - she's literally sucking the colour and fun out of everyone's lives in the family

MIL, your cleaning no doubt is sterling, and is only surpassed by your rudeness, which is truly exceptional. Kudos, MIL, absolute kudos.

@MrsBertBibby - dementia does run in her family - perhaps that's it to be honest 😔

Worth keeping an eye on.

To be fair, my mother was always a bastard, but the quality of the bastarding changed periodically.

@MrsBertBibby sounds familiar!! - sorry for your mum 😔