Commute is making me unhappy - what now?

[sojo44]

We both work and commute to London. The husband works in the LFB and has great shifts (2 days, 2 nights and 4 days off), drives to work with a shorter commute so he doesn't really feel the same impact of it like I do.

I commute Monday - Friday, 1.5 hours each way (so 3 hours a day). The commute itself is fine (I get a seat and its nice scenery) but the time drain it is having on my life is really starting to impact me mentally. I'm always exhausted, never have time to make friends in the local area (as eve clubs or classes, all happen while I'm still commuting) and I can see this commuting situation is really getting me down.

With the nature of my job, I cannot find something locally as the roles aren't available. My options are sucking it up and doing the commute or moving to another big city like Manchester. However, my husband loves his life here and has a very "if it ain't broke, why fix it" mentality. While he understands what I'm explaining to him, I think because isn't in the same position, he's finding it impossible to relate and doesn't quite understand the impact of it all.

Any advice on solutions? What would you do?

I have similar commute. It's knackering.
I survive by:
-WFH 1 day a week, religiously
-Leaving work by 6 every day. Even if I have to log on later it feels much nicer doing it at home than being in the office late
-Having a cleaner

• Eating at Leon or similar at least 2 days a week (saves cooking, cleaning etc)

BernardoTeashop

Agree, life is too short

Your current day to day does sound horrific and knackering- I don't think I could cope with that. I know it's the norm in London, for some people at least, but elsewhere in the country, people look at 30 minutes as a long commute!

If you feel like this now, I'm not sure waiting for two years is the right option.

I'd definitely be looking to move or switch to something that meant my commute wasn't as bad!

didn't decide to go through the run down of chores, but they include basic things like cooking dinner (I need to eat and at 11pm it's a bloody chore) as well as doing simple quick tasks around the house to make sure it's not utter chaos on the weekend

Mate pick up a pret salad at the train station and let it be ‘chaos’ at the weekend (there’s no kids right, so it can’t be that much chaos)

Why are you cooking at 11? Why hasn't your DH left something ready for you? Surely he should be doing the chores?

Can you work from home at all?

As is so often the way, I think you have a DH problem more than anything.

I used to live in Manchester with a 1hr45min commute each way to work. Soul destroying. I could only hack it for a year. Also, my DH was on shifts & it was impossible to manage childcare...

@Herfromthehouseupthehill you're completely right, there's got to be a good plan B! Thankfully current company is pretty decent around flexible working. How are you feeling about the nursery runs after mat leave?

This has definitely made DH look like he does nothing at all around the house, which isn't the case. He helps with cooking, does all the lawn work, dogs walks, supermarket runs, among other things, and if he's at home on weekends, will bring me a coffee in bed to have in peace with my trash show, so it's not like he just sits on his arse or doesn't treat me well. Cooking at 11pm is on days he is on night shifts so not in the house.

Not outsourcing any chores, so it's all done by us (or as much as we have time and energy for, could potentially look at a cleaner if they're not too expensive).

This is true, Brexit may not have a massive impact. The other impact could the business sectors and where they relocate to (either UK-wise to cut operating costs or abroad), which there are murmurs about.

@bluejelly that's really helpful, I may steal your routine! :)

Now it's just finding compromise we're both happy with

Nursery runs plus long commute are difficult.

On days when I do drop off I can’t physically get to the office by 9am as nursery opens at 7.30 but the train I would need to catch to get to the office for 9 is just a few minutes later so I have to get the next one which isn’t until 8ish. Then I need to leave at 4.30pm ish. So I need DH to do either drop off or pick up or I’d be in late & leaving early which my boss wouldn’t be too happy about.

Even on WFH days nursery is a 15/20 minute walk from my house so realistically it takes the best part of an hour to get DD into buggy, get to nursery, hand her over, lock buggy into shed and walk home. Driving only saves about 3 minutes as local traffic so terrible. Same at the end of the day.

So it’s not proved that early to make up my hours on WFH days as I had originally thought.

o it’s not proved that easy to make up my hours on WFH days as I had originally thought

Also DD needs to sleep 7-6.30am or she’s knackered so your plans would need to factor in that any baby is likely to need 12 hours in bed