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Original poster

9 mths on from accident and feeling down

14 replies

Borderscotch · 25/05/2019 08:56

I had a thread last yet, my DH had a horrific motorbike accident and was left with life changing injuries to his leg. 9mths on and he's still in so much pain, can't work, and due to other issues I can't see him working any time soon. We are struggling financially, currently dealing with a hugely complicated ESA and PIP system (all down to me as he is dyslexic), dealing with insurers etc (accident was not his fault).
In the beginning I was very much accidents happen, and not feeling resentful. But our lives have changed forever and I feel sad and a bit angry with the other driver (up until now I have felt sorry for her).

Need to shake myself and realise how lucky we are to still have him here, but I'm struggling.

Any wise words?

OP posts:
Norma27 · 25/05/2019 09:10

Sending you hugs. Times must be really hard but you also realise it could have been worse and at least your husband is still here. My stepdad was knocked down and killed in December and it still doesn’t feel real.
When you are struggling financially etc you are bound to feel angry, resentful and sad and I think you are entitled to that. You still need to carry on living though and I suppose it only hurts yourself by letting the anger etc consume you now.
All the best, and I hope your husband recovers as best he can.

Original poster
Borderscotch · 25/05/2019 09:14

norma27 I'm so sorry to hear that. That's awful for you all. Sending you strength.

I am outwardly a very positive, we can do this, type of person. Just having a wobble today. I will bounce back tomorrow. Thanks for your kind words

OP posts:
moaningitsabingthing · 25/05/2019 10:09

What a terrible thing you have been through. I would recommend talking to your GP about counselling. It is not unusual to experience anxiety and/or depression after a traumatic event. I reckon sometimes we think ‘I could have it so much worse’ and then feel bad for struggling with our lot. But actually you are going through a really, really difficult time. Talking to a counsellor can help to process our thoughts and feelings and give us ways in which to deal with the difficulties. I hope today is just a wobble and you feel stronger tomorrow but don’t feel bad if you don’t. There’s people there to help you and your husband.

Original poster
Borderscotch · 25/05/2019 10:20

Thank you. I did see my GP a few weeks back as it all got too much, was called on for test results, and it pushed me over. Have a DS was additional needs and also some health issues of my own. He did prescribe some mild antidepressants but I haven't started them. Decided that self care was lacking so more exercise, better food and more sleep would sort it. He did give me the number to arrange counselling but I haven't got round to it. I think because so many people tell me how well I am coping, I sort of want to live up to that (that is ridiculous in know). I will arrange counselling for sure. Thanks for the perspective, its hard to think straight at times.

OP posts:
freshstartnewme · 25/05/2019 10:33

Contact your local council to get put in touch with the welfare rights team. They will take over all your ESA & PIP problems, they will appeal and represent you as well if necessary.

Original poster
Borderscotch · 25/05/2019 10:35

Thank you, I had no idea about that. Citizens advice just directed me to a website.

OP posts:
Original poster
Borderscotch · 27/05/2019 09:40

Taking the kids away this week so that will keep me busy. Hoping DH enjoys it, it's going to be tricky with pain and mobilty but a change of scenery may help. Only uk so no flights to consider. 3hr drive so a few stops needed.

OP posts:
Norma27 · 27/05/2019 16:53

Hope you have a lovely holiday xx

Original poster
Borderscotch · 31/05/2019 19:02

Found out today PIP has been turned down, grrrrrr, more fighting

OP posts:
freshstartnewme · 31/05/2019 19:12

Did you try to get in touch with your welfare rights team?

If you have been turned down at the first stage they will ask for a mandatory reconsideration, if you have done that they will take it to appeal for you.

Original poster
Borderscotch · 31/05/2019 19:24

It on my list for Monday, as been away all week. Thank you for the nudge

OP posts:
crummyusername · 31/05/2019 19:28

I’ve had injury this year, very minor indeed compared to your DH but I was surprised how much it really got me down. In my head I knew I should be grateful for what I have and focus on what I can do not what I can’t but sometimes the heart doesn’t follow the head.

I found some books and podcasts useful. You could try a book by Henry Fraser (paralysed after diving accident) or the Resilience Sessions podcast?

It’s tough for you both, be kind to yourselves x

Original poster
Borderscotch · 02/06/2019 20:31

freshstartnewme it appears our council does not have a welfare rights service.

OP posts:
Original poster
Borderscotch · 02/06/2019 20:32

Thanks, will look into audio books or podcasts for him

OP posts:
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