I think my nephew is gay, how to support?

[NCforthisonetwo]

NC for this. DN is 12, I’ve always thought he might be gay. Don’t want to stereotype too much but I’ve got lots of gay men friends and they’ve said his behaviours are very much like their own when they were young. Love DN to bits but his dad is horribly homophobic and hateful and mum is, perhaps neutral at best-I reckon when or if he comes out, she’ll rely on her love for him but it will take some time for her to come around, IYSWIM. How can I be supportive of DN? As he’s becoming a teenager it seems to come quite more clearly that he’s gay, I want him to know he will always have a safe space with me and DH-either to stay, talk, etc.

Do you mean that he's camp? This doesn't automatically mean that he's gay? Although how to support him - just be a loving aunt. He'll see through your actions and deeds that you are accepting of all....I assume you have gay friends you mix with....as well as friends who are straight, bi, green eyed, black hair, brown hair, dark skin, light skin, red, yellow, blue..... Sexuality is only a part of a person. It doesn't make the person. Focus on the rest of your nephew to build your relationship. Then he'll come to you if and when he needs to.

Well you don’t sctuslly know that he’s gay so you can start by not making assumptions.

Just be a great relative.

I always said to my two that if they ever had problems, it was important to talk and share. That I would always be there to listen and not judge but, equally, they could choose to speak to anyone - id not be offended. The important thing was to talk.

That covered everything - make yourself an auntie that can be approached and not judge, whatever the question.

Does he stay over at all now? I'd establish that as an option now so that he knows he's always welcome, rather than it only being an offer at a time of crisis.

Can you mention your gay friends in a passing, positive context (eg Ben and Dan are going on holiday together / moving in together / adopting a dog etc etc) so he knows you have gay friends and a positive opinion?

Just be there for him as a positive, accepting aunt who is always happy to see him and host a sleepover.

It may be a bit early to tell if your DN is gay.
Maintain a good and open relationship with him, let him know he can talk to you about anything.
On a separate tangent make yours and DP's views on homosexuality known.
That way if he does need to disclose anything to you, he'll know that you won't react badly.

Thank you for the suggestions. DH and I do try to be available and supportive for him. Avocados, good idea to normalise same sex relationship.

If It were any of my other DN/nieces it wouldn’t matter as other parents are supportive but DN’s dad is particularly vile about these sorts of Things and his mum also will make quite insensitive comments in passing about same sex couples, gay friends of mine, etc.

I won’t detail here why I suspect he is gay, but yes, to an extent he is quite camp-grown extremely more so with age, completely smitten with my DH, etc.