Stressed and upset about lack of weight gain for baby

[CustardCreamLover]

I don't really know where to start here my head is a mess. My son was born 5 weeks early by EMCS. I'm not in the UK and I was alone in the operating theatre with people not speaking my language. He was whisked away from Me after a brief kiss and I didn't see him again for another 24 hours. He was in the NICU for a day then SCBU for 2 days. We went home after 8 days and on the first midwife visit he'd lost weight again. I'm EBF.

We got into a routine and he put on weight well and was growing really nicely. He's now 17 nearly 18 weeks. His weight gain has been slowing but we were told that it was ok so far. This past week has been good and bad. He's suddenly learnt a lot. He can hold a rattle and put it in his mouth, his head control during tummy time has improved vastly and he's really starting to babble. On the other hand he's had a really hard week. On Monday we called the midwife to come and see him because he just wouldn't stop screaming the whole day. No temperature or obvious reason for it. We had a doctors appointment today and he's gained just 40g in a week.

We are having tests done to check for infection and his vaccinations have been delayed for 2 weeks.

I'm so worried. He's not as hungry as he used to be and he's so sleepy these last few days.

I think I'm beyond stressed now which I know isn't helping. I just want my little baby to be ok 😢.

I don't really know what I want from this post. Maybe just a hand hold? I know it's not bad at the moment but my head immediately starts thinking the worst. There's loads more I could write but it would be an essay!!

There were paragraphs........

Losing weight in the first week is completely normal. Weight gain is not always linear but your baby is gaining weight so try not to worry. In the UK they won’t be doing any tests at this point.

I really wouldn't be worried about him only gaining 40g. I was in a situation where DS was being weighed almost weekly until 3 months and weight gain doesn't tend to be linear. There will be big and small weeks.

You definitely need a handhold. Your DS is not showing any signs of serious illness and you are being very thorough in getting him checked out. When you've had a child be seriously I'll it can be hard to not react very strongly to any, even slight, signs of illness. Bring him to the GP as a just in case and for peace of mind. To repeat, he's not showing and signs of serious illness and you are getting him checked. Everything is ok.x

*seriously ill

Thank you. It's just hard when he was doing so well.

Has he gained in length this week? Mine used to grow outwards and then upwards (still does, actually, and he's 12 now!) so he'd chub up a bit and then suddenly get longer/taller. It sounds as if yours is going through some big developmental leaps at the moment and taking more of an interest in the outside world as well, and he might also be teething. What are his nappies like?

If the doctors aren't worried, try not to stress yourself out, but go back if you're really concerned or if the sleepiness persists.

[handhold] because it's hard and scary, especially if they've had a rough start.

He's definitely teething. His tops are soaked and he's chewing everything he can get in his mouth including his dummy.

He has plenty of wet nappies, dirty ones are usually once a day but he's been going every 2 days this past week. He's on iron supplements now as well so I know that could be the cause.

We've just given him formula (😭) and he drank down 140ml but I think that would have been the same if it was breast milk. I can't pump successfully unfortunately so it's not an option to bottle feed him breast milk. I'm going to try and keep up BF as much as possible but I think I'll just have to accept that this might be then end.

I'm just so upset because we had fertility treatment to conceive him, I couldn't carry him to term and now I can't feed him. I just feel like I've failed every step of the way so far.

(I've got nothing against formula feeding it's just not something I wanted to do.)

Woah OP it sounds like you've been doing a great job feeding him - he's gaining weight and growing well! You don't need to give him formula unless you want to. Hope you're ok, sounds like you are very stressed. I've been there.

You are doing a fantastic job. He is nearly 4 months old!!
At this age, unless there are health issues, you should not be weighing weekly. Monthly is recommended. Even every 6-8 weeks.

In fact with my teeny tiny skinny long 2nd child we stopped weighting altogether at 3 months because it was stressing me out so much. We based it on happiness, appetite, nappy output ..... much better indicator!
We had similar problems with #1 and I nearly lost my sanity.

I ended up bf #1 for way over the who 2 year guideline and #2 is over that age too.

So. Handholding is what I guess you need right now and put the scales away.

Of course when they get poorly and you can't tell what the problem is that can be super worrying but just remember it is likely to pass quickly. If you are worried then yes follow your gut instinct and go see the GP or even the ER.

I don't know where you are but can you get to a La Leche League meeting (LLL is an international group that operates pretty much everywhere) or join one of their Facebook chat groups. (I'm in SW London and The Kingston chat group is really good)

I lived overseas with #1 and I found the LLL meetings invaluable in terms of understanding what is normal and how to handle the system to reduce the stress on me.

If you are worried about feeding then talking to an IBCLC near you can be really reassuring too. (Ibclc is a world renowned qualification for a lactation consultant). We had a fabulous lady who made a couple of house visits and supported me via whatsapp and Skype between visits.

Btw You may also get more answers to your question in the feeding section of this forum. Couple of experienced people patrol those boards.

You sound like you are doing a great job !!!
It just feels like we constantly worry, my DS was only tiny born and I worried terribly about his weight and the midwives kept telling me to stop obsessing over weight as he's happy.
Step away from the scales for a bit.

You sound like a great mum, who is doing a great job !!

I echo PP don’t give him formula unless you want to or really have to. You’re doing a great job feeding him. Up and down is normal. I would say you need a day or two with loads of rest, lots of skin to skin and for you to be well fed and hydrated.

You're doing amazingly and there's no wonder you're stressed and protective given the circumstances of his birth.
I went to a breastfeeding support meeting when DS was tiny and the breastfeeding support worker recommended loads of skin to skin cuddles, no distractions (ie. have a break from baby groups), and breastfeeding on demand for nursing strikes. She also said weigh monthly unless recommended more often by a paediatrician, as weight gain can fluctuate so much.